Don't Be Skeered!

I wake up before DH each morning (well, working mornings) and am close to ready by the time he gets out of bed.  This morning, as he sleepily stumbled in to bathroom, he asked, "Did you shoot up your heroin?"  I told him that I had not because I was waiting on him. 

As he walked in to the shower, I heard, "I won't do it until . . ."  I thought the end of his sentence was something about not doing my injection until he was more awake.  Uhhhhh - I was wrong.

When he got out of the shower, I was dressed and ready to go.  I said, "Okay, you ready for me to show you?"  That's when I learned that DH does not plan to do my injections until AFTER my mother shows him how!  Ddduuuuuddddddee . . . this is an easy sub-q.  No big deal!

Guess I'll wait until Mom gives him personal lessons.  And I warned him the ones he'll be giving me are going to be a lot worse on him AND me!

In My Head

I am a very organized person.  While some like to joke about my OCD, I prefer to call it organized.  Even if things appear a bit scattered, I can find anything because everything has a place and there is a place for everything.  Well, I'm trying to keep all of my med schedule, appointments, future possible appointments, etc. in my head.  I need to just print it out and have it available everywhere I turn!

10/31 - started BCP
11/5 - started Lupron 10 units (morning) & Dexamethasone(every morning until ER)
11/9 - last BCP
11/10 - switch to Lupron 5 units
11/12 - drop Lupron, add Ganirelix 125mcg (every morning until ER)
11/15 - Baseline u/s, E2 levels taken, MET (mock transfer) - 1/2 day off work
11/16 - First E2 - 4mg injection at night (IM - ouch)
11/19 - Second E2 - 4mg injection at night (IM - ouch)
11/21 - Begin nightly EV2 vaginal suppository - yucky (continue until ER)
11/22 - Begin Gonal-F injections 750 units/night
11/25 - change Gonal-F dosage to 375 units/night, add Menopur (1 vial/night)
11/29 - u/s and E2 levels taken (more time off work I assume)

Depending on what my follie scan and estrogen levels show, we will receive further instructions on the 29th.  I'll have many appointments in which I go in for an u/s to see what my ovaries are up to that particular day.  Being a teacher adds a new twist to just "going in for an appointment" because I just can't leave for just a bit.  Well, I could, but that would leave way too many kids on their own for too long.  I'm hoping that my principal and my team will continue to support me through this, and I know they will.  They've been along for this ride with me and have been awesome.

Weird that we're looking at a transfer a little over only three weeks away because it seems like it will be for.ev.er!!!  The earliest we would go trigger and go in for the ER would be December 1st, but Nurse J thinks it will probably be a few days up to a week after.

Since I'm a person who may possibly tend to hyperfocus heavily on details, I'm trying to just go day to day.  You can see by looking at this schedule that it's hard to do sometimes.  Breathe in . . . breathe out . . .

It's That Time

My daily headache has begun.  About 5 hours after my Lupron injection, I get a dull headache that lasts a couple of hours.  Tylenol, water, and a nap . . . here I come.

Other than that, I am feeling fine.  I know that will change eventually, so I'm enjoying the asymptomatic time I have right now.  :)

Learning = Lack of Sleep

This morning's Lupron injection went off without a hitch.  The nasty taste of the Dexamethasone was a helluva lot worse than the needle in my stomach!  Maybe this meds thing won't suck so bad like I thought it would.  (Well at least for now while I'm doing sub-cu injections!)

However . . . I learned tonight that my meds are supposed to be injected at the-very-same-time-every-day.  For the next month, I will be up every day no later than the asscrack of before dawn to shoot up.  Including during my week off at Thanksgiving.  For those of you who don't know me personally & know how sleeping in is next to Heaven for me . . . maybe this meds thing might suck after all!  :)

Let's Go!

Let's go!                       Let's go! 

L - E - T - S - G - O!!!!

DH and I went to see Nurse J today to get vampired for CGH testing, review over things, ask more questions, sign our lives away, fork over cash, and sign off on what to do with our hopefully-soon-to-be frozen embryos if we croak.  I made DH promise me that if I kick the bucket, he won't marry some ugly chick and make her have my babies.

1/2 of our 8-seat dining table is now a legal drug lab.

Most of my meds (about 90%) are here and ready to go!  Not pictured are the Dexamethasone & Zithromax, plus we have Ganirelix, E2 supps and more Gonal-F on the way.  I start living the life of a junkie  shooting up  injections and oral meds tomorrow morning.  Here's a quick view of my meds calendar:

Each line represents a different medication to be administered either orally (by mouth), sub-cu (injected into the top layers of skin) or IM (intramuscular injection).  Lots & lots of drugs.  I'm a little nervous about keeping up with it all, but not so much with the actual needles.

While my greatest fear in this entire process is that we pay all of this money and none of it works, I think DH's biggest fear is that I'll lose my shit being on all these hormones and make his life miserable.  Luckily Nurse J and Ms K told him it'll only last a month.  :)

So, we're just going to give it all we've got, do our best with what we have, and hope and pray for the best. 

GAME ON!

The Costs of Good News

I did a Google Images search for "good news" and couldn't pass this one up.  Ah, the ugly truth . . .

After hours upon hours of phone time with my pharmacy, Nurse J, & Freedom Fertility Pharmacy (FFP) . . .  My meds are on the way!  The BEST PART?  Between FFP and my lovely Maria donating me a few leftovers, the total cost for all of my meds is about $150.  That is SO MUCH better than $8000!!!!  I honestly can't believe it.  What relief.  While I was thinking it might be between $500-$600 OOP, that $150 is a hella lot better than any other numbers other than free.

Another bonus?  Thanks to DH's lovely numbers in the past, we aren't required to leave his mighty soldiers for freezing at tomorrow's appointment.  That will save another $157!

We still have another $250 OOP for my MET.  (Stick w/ me, Marsha, it's another acronym!)  MET is a Mock Embryo Transfer is exactly what it says - a practice run of the embryo transfer sans embryos.  It is basically a uterine mapping that Dr. S will do to determine the position of my cervix and where the best placement will be for our (cross your fingers) fresh embroys during transfer.  Due to no issues during my failed IUIs of the past, I don't anticipate any issues with the MET or ET.

Of course, there is still the $14K that will cover everything from appointments, baseline u/s, additional u/s, tons of blood draws, the ER, the ET (including surgical room, anesthesia, supplies, etc.), blood pg tests, and pregnancy 2 u/s.  This also will include freezing any additional embryos for up to a year.

While over $14,000 is a HUGE amount of money, I was happy to learn that it's not thousands more.  I just had to share this with my captive, voluntary audience.  I hope this is Part One of much good news to come!!!  :)

Taking Turns

If you have gone through the journey of loss and IF, you and I both know that you've been through the ringer.  Yeah, your DH/SO may have been by your side (or not) and supported you along the way (or not).  However, I also know for a fact that most men certainly haven't had all of the invasive procedures, blood draws, & more that their wives have experienced.  Sure, they get to share their soldiers every now & then but how bad can *that* be?  (insert little giggle here)

Almost four years and dozens & dozens of vials of MY vampired blood, I'm gonna be polite and take turns.  DH will finally get vampired.  We go to the IVF clinic tomorrow for blood work (yes, I still get vampired again).  We both will have blood drawn for genetic testing and DH for infectious diseases.  My recent b/w results came back & I am not infectious.  :)

While at the clinic, we'll also start forking over some cash and sign a shitton of paperwork.  We have statements of consent, promising that it's not their fault if I explode, go crazy or die, etc.  Other documents we sign (for those who haven't done IVF) are papers that share our wishes on what will happen to our frozen embryos (if we have any) should one or both of us die.  It's like a will for snowbabies.  Cute!  I just hope & pray we have some snowbabies to freeze - a need for the "will."

I think after all of that, I'll have DH take me for sushi.  Sounds like this taking turns things isn't so bad!  Wonder if DH will let me shoot him in the ass with a needle just once?  Ya know . . . for practice!  ha!

What the Hell Am I Thinking???

IVF.  In vitro fertilization.  We're doing IVF.  IVF with ICSI and CGH.  Am I crazy?  This will be me.  Voluntary Madness.  In the loony bin.  Seriously.  I must be absolutely insane.  What in the hell am I thinking here?  Do I think I'll actually get pg AND stay pg?  Hope?  Is that what I have?  I have hope?  Ha!!!  How stupid of me!  I definitely have to be totally off my rocker.

And the meds . . . WTH am I really going to be doing to myself?  Will I just be a human pin cushion?  Multiple injections, pills, vaginal suppositories, and shots in the ass every day?  What???!!!!!  Will I explode?  I'm going to be a raging bitch, aren't I?  I'm going to really need to watch myself.  I can't go batshit crazy again.

Oh fun fun - the doubts have returned!  Haven't seen them in a while, but then again I haven't had that silly hope thingy running around in my mind either.  Crazy or not, we're doing it anyway.  Lord have mercy . . . this will either be really great or totally suck.  I told you that this might be a bumpy ride!

BCP

Meredith posed a very good question in the comments, so I'm going to answer it since I actually know the answer for this one!  :)

Estrogen in the form of the birth control pill is administered to somewhat regulate the body and especially to shrink the ovaries prior to an IVF cycle.  Through ovarian stimulating drugs (in my case, Gonal-F), the ovaries are grown to extremes.  The typical size of a non-stimmed ovary is about the size of an almond.  Through the IVF process of stimulating the production of egg-filled follicles, the ovaries can become as large as grapefruits.

And I'm complaining about some cramps.

Keep the questions and comments coming!  Like I said - I'm trying to learn everything I need to know, but it is SO MUCH.

Okay . . . I Get It

AF is in charge right now.  I get it.  She is such a nasty beyotch.  After 5 days of Provera, AF shows up this weekend and now I'm cramping like a mofo.  My back, my sides, my front - my everything - is very uncomfortable.  Last night didn't offer me any relief, so with a lack of sleep, I'm exhausted today on top of the cramping.  Guess it's AF's of showing me what is to come.  Oh goody.  On the flip side, I started BCP.  It just seems so weird to be popping a bc pill when I'm trying so desperately to get pg!  Oh well . . . back to the heating pad.