Surviving

Friday, December 5th was the 2nd year I've had to celebrate the EDD of my first loss. Thankfully, I've been through two other EDDs so far and I knew what to do. It just feels weird and makes me sad that we should have a 1 year old in the house, and we aren't even pregnant now. :(

My HSG is Friday. We'll see what happens from here. I'm not holding my breath.

Show & Tell: Ramblings About #3

For today's Show & Tell, I would show a photo of my empty uterus. However, my most recent pics would have to be scanned, and I don't want anyone else up/in there taking pictures & doing stuff. So, you get emptiness. Close your eyes & see the darkness. See? That's right - there's nothing to see!

Tomorrow is EDD#3, and I don't even know what to say anymore. Little did I think that a year after we married that we would have experienced three losses. Little could I imagine that twenty months after we married that we wouldn't even be pregnant. Little did I know how badly it would hurt sometimes.

I seriously felt that we would struggle with getting pregnant. I truly never thought that we would have a miscarriage, much less three. I mentally prepared myself that we would need assistance conceiving and explained that to DH before we were even engaged. I know there are some, but there are few women over 40 that I know having (or trying to have) babies. Being AMA just puts us on the edge of the cliff of fertility.

I feel like everyone has found their success. Why not us? I rarely cry about it anymore because it does no good. I don't feel better after crying. I just feel lost sometimes, like I'm in a world of mommies and daddies and babies, and that we don't really belong here. It's as if we were dropped on the wrong planet; that we should be in the world of only the childless people. But that's definitely not the case. Children, families, pregnant women, and doting grandparents are all around us (but they are basically like a magnet to us). They just aren't us. We aren't one of them.

Dammit.

Oh, and Target has car seats on sale. And I want to buy one. Seriously????? Why would I ever need it?? I showed DH & he says "NO" to buying it. He probably thinks I'm certifiably insane now. (If there was ever any doubt.)