I AM the Face

I am one of the 2,000 faces affected by pregnancy/infant loss everyday. Please go to http://www.iamtheface.org/ to show your support and join the movement.


Yes, I am the face . . . are you?  "Coming out" is not easy, but I did it tonight.  On Facebook.  To almost 700 people, many I'm sure of whom have not seen me in years and do not know my journey.  It is done.  Won't you join me?  It's okay . . . you are not alone & you are not the only out there.

http://www.iamtheface.org/

Even you aren't "the face", but you know someone who is, please click on the link and show your support.  There are links and buttons that you (as a supporter) can use.

Two New Quotes

I've added two new quotes to my "Quotes for Strength" collection.  They both apply to me today.

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"Courage is fear that has said its prayers." ~ Dorothy Bernard

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"You can't just sit around waiting for luck to see you through." President Obama (quoting his mother) 9.14.10

Pray for Maverick

Please pray for Maverick, who is the baby boy of my friends.  I went to college with Maverick's aunt and uncle and have known his Mommy since she was a young girl.  The same week that my friends were burying their sister after she was brutally murdered, it was learned that a mass in the belly of three-week old Maverick was neuroblastoma.  He has been in the hospital since August 30.  He is now fighting for a life that he hasn't yet begun to experience.

No matter what your belief system may be, your prayers/thoughts/good wishes/super vibes or whatever you can offer for the healing of this tiny, precious boy are needed.

More Blog Love

Rachael has awarded me with the "A Blog with Substance" award.  I've somehow snowed Rachael into thinking that this blog has substance. 

  

As with all awards, there are some things to take care of now.

1. Thank the giver.

Although Rachael and I have never met in person, we "know" one another.  We share the common bond of IF and all that it entails.  Thanks, Rachael, for feeling that this blog is more than just me spouting off at the mouth (which I typically do!).  Our babies WILL come . . . one way or another.


2.  Sum up your blogging philosophy, motivation & experience using 5 words.

Open, Honest, Real, Infertility, Loss


3. Pass it on to 10 other blogs that you know have real substance.

Since I'm not known for following rules, I'm just passing this one where I can/want for now.
Waiting for a Baby Bump
The 2 Week Wait
Seeking Stork
No Swimmers
Trying to Get a Bun in My Oven
Hope is Ours
Fertile Hope
Writer Chic

Those of us battling infertility manage the suckdom of it every day along with the many, many other women out there. Some manage it publicly, while some manage it privately. While each person must work through things in their own way, I hope that this blog can help those who need to know that they are NOT alone.  My Fertile Ramblings may be my own, but I hope and pray that it can reach those who need a voice and confirm to others that they are not crazy, alone, broken, or forgotten.  Yes, we are all in this together.

The Nursery Wannabe

I'm preparing to clean out the "front" bedroom, aka as the nursery-wannabe.  I've been putting off for several reasons, but the time has come.  I'm going to clean out (excavate), repaint & redecorate our guest room and move some of the front bedroom's stuff into that room.  I'm getting rid of the king-sized bed in the guest room and moving the queen bed and nightstands from the front bedroom in there.  I'll also clean out the closet and begin purging.  It needs to be done, but this poses two issues for me.

Firstly, I want this room to be a NURSERY.  Not just a nursery, but a nursery for a LIVE BABY.  Not a place for us to wish for or hope for or sit in and cry while waiting, but a real live place for our real live little baby/babies.  I refuse to break my heart even more by actually painting and preparing it as such, but I can at least clean it out, right?

This room almost shouts to me asking where its baby is. When will it be painted and decorated and filled with toys and books and blankies and diapers and - most of all - love? Right now it's basically the cat room. It's a safe place for the cat to get away from the dogs and be old and cranky. It also houses my scrapbook armoire, a small desk, an extra bed, and some storage. Even with all of that settled in there, it's still not a complete room.

The second issue is what lies beneath the queen bed in the nursery wannabe.  Baby stuff.  A cute, green baby outfit friends bought us when we found out we were pregnant for the first time.  Books my mom bought us the second time we were pregnant.  A Kate Spade diaper bag my MIL gave me for Christmas before she learned of our miscarriages and IF.  A cute picture frame my friend Maria sent me with her leftover heparin we just "knew" I'd need soon.  (which has since expired)  Bottle bags.  Cans of formula.  Pacifiers.  A nursing cover.  And much more that I've tried to shove in the recesses of my heart and mind, but I still remember.

My mind plays tricks on me and I begin thinking silly things like, "Maybe God wants me to make room for a baby" and "Maybe God is waiting for my cat to die before I get a baby" and "Maybe God simply doesn't want us to have a baby."  Well, no matter what God wants, I'm cleaning out that room.  I just hope He wants it to be filled with a baby or two . . . and very soon.

Do you have a room or space that longs to be filled with a baby?  What does that room say to you?  And what do you say back?  Wanting a baby isn't just about a barren uterus, empty arms, and a broken heart.  It's emotional and physical - in more places than just inside us.

Tired of Being Infertile

Just sayin'.  Don't worry, I know I'm not alone.

Slowly Catching On

I learned last week that DH does listen sometimes.  He was wanting to get lucky, and asked, "When do we need to FWP?"  I immediately started cracking up.  It's funny (and sometimes almost cute) when he actually listens & remembers something IF-related.  For the record, he's now asked for me to add "FWP" to our family calendar.  :)

ETA a Note to Self:  The next time you update your IF blog from your work computer, please do not leave your work in progress window open.  When you request services from IT & they remote into your computer, they too will need to figure out what FWP means.  I think it could mean something like FML.  Ugh.

Nothing to Report

Man, this blog is getting repetitive.  TTC, AF, rinse, repeat.  That red-headed slut showed again today, and I'm not surprised.  Between my broken out skin, spotting for three days, my little allergy "incident" and our timing, I didn't think we'd be able to conceive this cycle anyway.  So . . . on to cycle #41.  I'm not disappointed or sad or frustrated or anything like that.  I'm just kinda done in a used to it way.

I attended the funeral of my BFF's brother last week, the sister of a friend was murdered over the weekend, school started with the kids on Monday, and I got in a wreck yesterday.  Needless to say, I am SPENT.  Sleep is a commodity, energy is tapping the reserves, and the wine is running out around here!

Even though it's been tough, I have a surprisingly good attitude.  I know things could be so much worse.  Here's to praying it doesn't get that way!

Infertility E-Class

Through my IF online board, I learned of an Infertility E-Class being offered.  Sounds like a great idea!  I've registered.  Won't you join too?

August 19th Day of Hope

http://august19thdayofhope.blogspot.com/