Daddy's Book

A friend of Mr. Rambler's gave him this book and told him to start reading it, so he'll be ready whenever our baby finds us.  :)  After I got home from work tonight (at 7:30 pm - ugh), DH showed it to me.  He said, "I'm sure you probably know everything in it, but it would be good for me to read some."  Boy, I must have him fooled!!

Check out the 411 to avoid the 911.

How The Tables Turn

At dinner last night, I told DH we really need to buy the baby basics.  His reply?

"Mmm . . . I dunno."

HUH?

When I asked him what he meant, he said, "Well, you know, I just worry about karma."

Who is this cool-footed man eating dinner with me?  Isn't he the one who mentioned adoption YEARS ago?  Is he not the one who thought this was a great idea because he was worried about me and my mental & physical health?  Oh, how the tables have turned.

So, in true faithful, hopeful fashion I shared with him what our agency owner said to me, "Oh honey . . . we're adopting.  Everyone gets a baby!  It'll be okay."

And dammit, I want to order baby stuff.  NOW.  :)

A New Side

As we are embarking upon adoption, I am seeing a new side of my husband that I've never seen before.  It's hard to explain.  My husband is very tender-hearted and sensitive but not overly demonstrative (even with me at times) with his feelings. You kind of have to know him to understand what I mean.  I'm quite the opposite.

However, he's changing now.  For example, him giving me a baby's room book that he'd bought a few years ago.  The things he's shared about becoming a parent.  Finding a baby puzzle on his amazon wishlist.  His feelings about me that have been shared with complete strangers.  Sharing his concerns about doing this and doing it "right." Describing his feelings and thoughts about parenting, knowing that he's actually thought of it.  The looks of fear/excitement/joy/apprehension in his eyes.  And then last night, I go in to his office and he's shopping online for baby stuff and researching it all for safety.  :)

Even though he can frustrate the crap out of me, I am so in love with my husband and I know that's just going to grow.  I just can't wait to see him as a Daddy.  He's going to be amazing.  It's going to be so hard but so rewarding.  Wow . . .

Blondes Needed

DH was watching one of his (boring) political morning shows yesterday just before 10am. Because I wanted to spend some time with him, I made us some breakfast and was "watching" the show too.  However, I quickly became thoroughly confused when the timestamp on the show's crawler showed 9:10 and I KNEW that it was almost 10am.  I checked the clock, checked the TV, and repeated that a few times.  Then I told DH that the TV network had their time wrong!  Without rolling his eyes too much  Without laughing at me  Without calling me a dingbat DH politely reminded me that the show was playing from the DVR. 

Oops!

My response?  "Well, however we decide to have children, we need at least one that is a true blonde.  I'm gonna need some help around here!"

Because I'm Blessed

I spent last night and continue today to waver between trying to have a little hope, being realistic, crying, and being really fucking pissed off.  I told Mr. Rambler this morning that my goal for today was "to keep my attitude and mouth in check."  For those of you who know me, you know this can be quite a daunting task.

There have been times during this whole suckyass journey that I've felt completely alone.  I felt that nobody really knew what I was going through - especially my husband.  Boy has he shared the brunt of a lot of this ridiculous mess.  However, I wanted to share how wonderful my DH continues to be, and why I need to remember that.

Last night while I was shooting up (for probably no reason at all), DH came in to the bathroom and gave me a big hug. Of course, I started crying and told him that I was sorry. I feel like I'm just such a letdown since my body can't seem to help us make a baby. His response? "Don't even let ME be a reason you feel that way. We are fine and we are going to be fine."
I still feel like a big, baby-killing, non-baby making loser, but at least I have him to love me no matter what.

Making a Change

It's not even an exciting change.  Well, at least what I can tell right now.  I finished the Lupron today (yea for no more Lupron headaches!), and I start 125mcg sub-q injections of the Ganirelix tomorrow.  I haven't heard of too many s/e for Ganirelix, so I hope it's relatively easy - especially since I'll be injecting it every day for the next few weeks (until ER).

Next week I'll get to see my mom twice for some booty shots.  IM injections aren't exactly fun, but it's not too bad since I know my Mommy is giving them to me & I get to see her.  DH will also start his IM lessons for when/if he needs to do my PIO injections after the ET.

On a side note, DH and I met on a blind date seven years ago tonight.  If we only knew then what we know now!  However, through all of the ups & downs & heartache of IF, I can't imagine having anyone else in this with me.  For him, I am truly blessed.

Explanations Anyone?

How many of you have tried to explain how you feel during all of the female stuff we have to endure?  It's quite comical I think.  Sunday night I spent a few moments trying to explain to DH why sex was uninteresting because AF was a week late and I felt like crap.  Now, how do you explain bloating?  Cramps?  Ovarian pinching?  HA - you don't!  So . . . you try.

All I could come up with was, "Wellllll . . . ya know . . . uhhh . . . ya know how it feels when you're kinda constipated and you feel that you need to poop . . . but you can't?  Yeah.  That's how it feels."  What a terrible explanation!  As I was trying to fall asleep (but couldn't due to discomfort), I thought of what I should have said.  Next time I'll write it down in the dark & try to decipher it in the morning.  It was good - REALLY good.  But I did sleep at least a couple of hours last night and forgot.

So, what have you tried to explain (successfully or unsuccessfully) to your DH/SO?

Don't forget, my Ramblings are going private in a day or two.  Email me if you want to stick around for more!  kekis26 @ gmail . com

Slowly Catching On

I learned last week that DH does listen sometimes.  He was wanting to get lucky, and asked, "When do we need to FWP?"  I immediately started cracking up.  It's funny (and sometimes almost cute) when he actually listens & remembers something IF-related.  For the record, he's now asked for me to add "FWP" to our family calendar.  :)

ETA a Note to Self:  The next time you update your IF blog from your work computer, please do not leave your work in progress window open.  When you request services from IT & they remote into your computer, they too will need to figure out what FWP means.  I think it could mean something like FML.  Ugh.

Today

Three years ago, we became husband and wife. What an incredible day March 10, 2007 was, and what a helluva ride it's been since then. It's been fun, amazing, and really really really damn hard. I can't imagine that ride being with anyone else, though. And just imagine how amazing it will have been when we look back someday and think, "WOW. Look at us before we had all these children!"

Photo credit of Melissa Goldberg Photography.

Dog Parenting

Yesterday, DH and I walked the dogs. We have started walking them all separately because they seem to behave better. DH took Pippin in one direction and planned to walk Mackey afterwards. I took Steve in another direction with the almost always needed bags for poop in hand. As Stevie and I walked, I filled a bag with a bunch of leaves from a neighbor's yard. It's much easier to pick up a big, fresh, warm mound of dog poop when it's covered with leaves.

Surprisingly, Steve didn't give me a need to use the bag, so I saved it for DH's walk with Mack. As DH brought Pippin in and leashed Mackey up, I told him the bag was on the entry table for him to use if he wanted to take it. He asked, "Why a bag of leaves?" I told him the same thing I just told you about picking up fresh poop.

His reply? "You'll be great with kids, Dear." I told him I hope so! :)

I know it sounds silly, but hearing that from the man I love - the father of my future children - really warmed my heart and gave me hope. I think he'll be great with kids, too.

You Know You're Battling Infertility If . . .

. . . you go on a date with your DH at a nice restaurant and accidentally pull a pee stick out of your purse at the dining table.

And he asks you to show it to him.

And you do.

What am I going to do?

Seriously. What am I going to do . . . with DH???

He comes in from the backyard today, and I ask, "Whatcha doin'?" He quickly responds, "Fertilizing the backyard. With my sperm."

I firmly said, "NO. You are only to fertilize my eggs with those sperm. There will be no yard fertilization with anything like that. You know better."

He thinks he's so funny. This is NOT a time for joking about something like wasting sperm. Do I have to watch him everywhere he goes?

And, yes, he would absolutely die if he had any idea I just typed this for public viewing. :)

Boys are Funny

Well, DH is back in town. He's trying to make up for lost time, if you know what I mean (wink, wink). Last night, as he tried to lure me in to the bedroom, he said in his deep voice, "Come, let me inseminate you." Words every woman wants to hear, huh?

That's when I told him that he would not be able to inseminate me, but I would join him in the bedroom. DH questioningly replied, "Oh, is it not that time?" Guess he thought EVERY day is good for insemination. NOPE!

We had a brief educational moment at that point. He knows he'll never be allowed to leave town during O week again. :) Funny boys . . . they have so much to learn!

DH - Funny or Not?

As I'm leaving for work this morning, I kiss my wonderful husband tell him goodbye. Walking down the hall, I hear from behind me, "Good luck getting your hooha dyed!"

So my question . . . DH - Funny or Not? I say funny, but he shouldn't quit his day job! :)

Note: His statement tempted me to dye some other things down there just to confused him. I'm simply not up to that though.