10 Things to Never Say to Your Childless Friends

A friend of mine shared the article linked below on FB.  It's a great article to remember and share with others.  Whether a friend is childless by choice or by "force" they don't need to be questioned, reassured, or bullied about it.  Although most people have good intentions, questions aren't always taken that way by those of us on the receiving end.  Thanks for the article, Anna Banana Bread.  I know you're always checking up on us here and cheering us along the way!  :)

Be sure to click the link for the full article.  I've only shared their list.

From Glo:  10 Things Never to Say to Your Childless Friends

1.  So when are you guys going to get started? 
2. You'll understand when you're a mom. 
3. Just relax.  You'll get pregnant in no time. 
4. It must be nice to have time to read a book/go to the movies/have a romantic dinner. 
5. I didn't invite you because there will be kids at the party. 
6. Have you tried different sex positions/diets/doctors/wearing looser underwear? 
7. Is your husband OK with you not wanting kids? 
8. Your dog is your baby. 
9. You'll change your mind about having kids in a few years. 
10. Since you don't have kids, you can afford a new car/remodeling project/vacation.


And since this is MY blog, I'm adding one more:


11.  Have you heard anything about a baby?  Dude . . . you'll know when we do!!!!!

Holding On

We've been through so much in the past 5+ years, but we are still holding on to hope.  Why?  Because it's all we have!

Floodgates

Oh boy.  The floodgates opened tonight.  Big time - and out of the freaking blue.  I'm all a hot, crying, snotty mess who just took a Xanax.  It hit me that tomorrow (April 24th) will make five years since we lost our first baby and began this awful journey.  One day that so strongly defined who I am and who I would become.  The one day that marked the beginning of it all.  Tears are just freely flowing, and they aren't stopping.  Five years ago right this very minute, I was pregnant with our first baby.  Yes, our "honeymoon baby" that I told *everyone* about from moment one.  Things were so amazing, so exciting, so perfect, so naive.  Then the next morning, shit hit the fan.  We went in for our first u/s and learned that we, in fact, were NOT having a baby after all.  Devastation doesn't begin to describe it.

Now, many might think that after five years I should be over all of this.  The only ones who will say that are those who have not experienced it (and, really, they can go fuck themselves).  Anyone else fully understands how the loss of a pregnancy - of a dream - never fully goes away.  I started to backtrack my blog to see when I wrote about that terrible day of April 24, 2007.  Have I even written about it?  Does anyone besides ME know anything about that terrible day?  Does DH even remember anything about it?  Did I just stuff everything deep inside?

Every little detail still seems so clear in my memory and can still sting my heart.  The top I was wearing.  The layout of the waiting room.  The nerves and excitement.  The lights in the ceiling.  The touch on my leg.  The "I'm sorry" that took my breath away.  That dark, dark, dark empty screen.  The immediate blood draw.  The tears trickling down my nurses cheeks while she stuck me.  Me demanding an immediate D&C because I couldn't go on.  Calling family.  Calling work.  Panic attacks.  Crying, crying, crying, and crying some more until I was in the fetal position, almost throwing up, unable to breathe, my lips and eyes swelled shut for days.

I know I've written about it somewhere, so I need to dig it out.  If I haven't, then I guess it is time.  Yes, here I am . . . rambling again.  This is not some fancy, planned post.  Just back to my heart vs. my head and typing it all out while hoping that my tears don't fry the keyboard of my laptop.

So YES, infertility has changed my life and it's not wrapped up in a few pretty words.  IF sucks.  It stole my three babies, tried to steal my heart, tried to wreck my marriage, tried to kill me . . . but it hasn't.  Loss and Infertility will always be a part of me, but I refuse to let it take me over anymore.  Don't know if I have "won" but I'm certainly not in the fight any longer.  And I'm still going to be a Mommy.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

Victor Maitland

I have a Victor Maitland.

See it?  Do you???  THAT, my friends, is the "Victor Maitland."  Freaking hormones breaking out my face like a teenager and/or Victor Maitland.  (In case you don't know recognize the name, it is from a character in the movie "Beverly Hills Cop.")

30 Day Blogging Challenge: Day 2

10 years from now . . .  That's such a loaded one for me!  If you would've asked me ten years ago what I'd be doing in ten years, I would've given you the white picket fence treatment.  Funny how life doesn't go as you plan.

Where I see us ten years from now is happy, content, one to two children (by some means), busy, DH working as a principal, and I'm sure I'll still be stuck in the classroom teaching. 

We will still have some furry entertainment (though the thought of Steve & Pippin gone makes me want to crawl in a hole & die).  Some improvements to the house will have been made - complete kitchen redo, new cabinets & countertops in the bathrooms, maybe a new addition to the house.

I worry so much about losing loved ones that I try not to look too far into the future.  Our jobs are secure.  Our relationship is secure.  Our family is amazing.  Our pets are awesome.

Bottom line is that in 10 years, I want us to be living the life that we are meant to live and living it to its fullest.

Making Us Stronger

I found this on Marc & Angel's Hack Life Blog.  It came at a good time as I'm dealing with some anxiety coupled with snippets of grief about life and IF.  The blog post shares some very good points of "harsh truths" that many of us have learned (sometimes the hard way), need to learn, or will learn.

It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them, more manhood (or womanhood) to abide by thought-out principles rather than blind reflex. Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles and an immature mind.
- Alex Karras

16 Harsh Truths that Make Us Stronger

1. Life is not easy. – Hard work makes people lucky – it’s the stuff that brings dreams to reality.  So start every morning ready to run farther than you did yesterday and fight harder than you ever have before.  (Read The Road Less Traveled.)
2. You will fail sometimes.  – The faster you accept this, the faster you can get on with being brilliant.  You’ll never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work.  So get out there and do something!  Either you succeed or you learn a vital lesson.  Win – Win.
3. Right now, there’s a lot you don’t know. – The day you stop learning is the day you stop living.  Embrace new information, think about it and use it to advance yourself.
4. There may not be a tomorrow. – Not for everyone.  Right now, someone on Earth is planning something for tomorrow without realizing they’re going to die today.  This is sad but true.  So spend your time wisely today and pause long enough to appreciate it.
5. There’s a lot you can’t control. – Wasting your time, talent and emotional energy on things that are beyond your control is a recipe for frustration, misery and stagnation.  Invest your energy in the things you can control.
6. Information is not true knowledge. – Knowledge comes from experience.  You can discuss a task a hundred times, but these discussions will only give you a philosophical understanding.  You must experience a task firsthand to truly know it.
7. You can’t be successful without providing value. – Don’t waste your time trying to be successful, spend your time creating value.  When you’re valuable to the world around you, you will be successful.  (ReadLinchpin: Are You Indispensable?)
8. Someone else will always have more than you.  – Whether it’s money, friends or magic beans that you’re collecting, there will always be someone who has more than you.  But remember, it’s not how many you have, it’s how passionate you are about collecting them.  It’s all about the journey.
9. You can’t change the past. – As Maria Robinson once said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”  You can’t change what happened, but you can change how you react to it.
10. The only person who can make you happy is you. – The root of your happiness comes from your relationship with yourself.  Sure external entities can have fleeting effects on your mood, but in the long run nothing matters more than how you feel about who you are on the inside.
11. There will always be people who don’t like you. – You can’t be everything to everyone.  No matter what you do, there will always be someone who thinks differently.  So concentrate on doing what you know in your heart is right.  What others think and say about you isn’t all that important.  What is important is how you feel about yourself.
12. You won’t always get what you want. – As Mick Jagger once said, “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you might find you get what you need.”  Look around.  Appreciate the things you have right now.  Many people aren’t so lucky.
13. In life, you get what you put in. – If you want love, give love.  If you want friends, be friendly.  If you want money, provide value.  It really is this simple.  (Read The Four Agreements.)
14. Good friends will come and go. – Most of your high school friends won’t be a part of your college life.  Most of your college friends won’t be a part of your 20-something professional life.  Most of your 20-something friends won’t be there when your spouse and you bring your second child into the world.  But some friends will stick.  And it’s these friends – the ones who transcend time with you – who matter.
15. Doing the same exact thing every day hinders self growth. – If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.  Growth happens when you change things – when you try new things – when you stretch beyond your comfort zone.
16. You will never feel 100% ready for something new. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises.  Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means you won’t feel totally comfortable or ready for it.

And remember, trying to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.  Strength comes from being comfortable in your own skin.

Four Years Ago Today

We said, "I do."  

And, boy, have we!  DH and I have been through more in our four years than most married couples experience in decades or even a lifetime - miscarriage, infertility, becoming caretaker to a parent, losing family and friends, losing a beloved pet, home renovations, family emergencies, surgeries, stress, job changes, and more.  However, I can't imagine going through any of it without my husband.

Even though we've been through a lot, there is more ahead of us.  Our story is still in . . .

Not Holding My Breath

I'm not planning to do any look back at the year and plan for the year ahead.  If that's what you were looking for here, then you're pretty much screwed.  I'm really kinda sick of reading all of the blogs that are doing that because (if you've been reading) you know what has been happening in that person's life already.  Well, for my DH and me, 2010 pretty much sucked.  See?  You already knew that!  Between our ongoing battle with IF, losing my last living grandmother, losing our dog Mackey, and losing several friends . . . I'm glad 2010 is going away.  All I can do is hope and pray that 2011 is better than its predecessor.

Thanks to Yahoo, I can see a horoscope that looks at my year ahead.  Guess I'll come back to this a year from now to see how much crap it was came to fruition.  May you all receive many blessings in the year ahead!

kekis' 2011 (or not):

Don't stop believing, Pisces! This year is nothing short of miraculous, filled with all-things sublime. Take advantage of lucky Jupiter's final hurrah in your sign at the start of the year. If you've been procrastinating on turning your visions into a goldmine, January is your time to bust a serious move and catch the amazing non-stop momentum of 2011. There's no spacing out, hiding home or escaping from reality. Things are just too good to miss! Speaking of missing, don't miss the boat Pisces; Jupiter only enters your sign once every 12 years.
That said, you do have the auspicious advent of another awesome planetary boon when your planetary ruler, Neptune enters Pisces in April. For the next 14 years, your super-sensitivity and matchless compassion serve you well. You'll feel like you're in your own element rather than your usual fish out of water feeling. The world will join with you in feeling the suffering of the world. Your dreams and imaginative powers are nothing to be taken lightly. Divine messages, synchronicity and channeling the gods become a daily experience between April and August, and then again in 2012 to stay.

Despite your consistent protesting over the ills of materialism and that money is the root of all evil -- you may be seriously changing your tune as money seems to be falling from the sky this spring. With six planets lining up in your money sector on May 1, it's time to make some serious bank -- ready or not.

Blondes Needed

DH was watching one of his (boring) political morning shows yesterday just before 10am. Because I wanted to spend some time with him, I made us some breakfast and was "watching" the show too.  However, I quickly became thoroughly confused when the timestamp on the show's crawler showed 9:10 and I KNEW that it was almost 10am.  I checked the clock, checked the TV, and repeated that a few times.  Then I told DH that the TV network had their time wrong!  Without rolling his eyes too much  Without laughing at me  Without calling me a dingbat DH politely reminded me that the show was playing from the DVR. 

Oops!

My response?  "Well, however we decide to have children, we need at least one that is a true blonde.  I'm gonna need some help around here!"

Still Here

I am still here - mainly on two feet, but sometimes crawling or in the fetal position - but I'm still here.  I'm mad, but I'm mostly just really sad.  After Friday's dismal appointment with Dr. S, I've fallen apart and gotten myself back together again.  I survived the third anniversary of my first EDD.  That three year old we should have is not here.  It never will be and another may never be.  We don't know that yet, but it really feels that way.

We've been dealt a hand that absolutely sucks.  It will be a complete miracle if we are able to have a biological child using my eggs.  I'll share more with you later as I'm able, but right now I'm processing everything that has happened (on my own, with DH, and with an awesome new therapist) and trying to figure out how to abandon my old dream and create new.

I will admit that I have spent time on this blog making sure that my readers enjoy what I say.  Right now, this blog will be about me and only me.  It probably won't be "entertaining" (as if it ever was), but that is what I need right now.  At this point, I simply have nothing to give anyone but myself and my husband.

Thanks for all the kind comments, emails, calls, texts, and messages from everyone near & far.  I've heard from family, friends, blog peeps, online buddies, and complete strangers.  Your words have meant a lot to me.  I know that I will be okay and my marriage will be okay, but life as I planned and dreamed it may become very different.  I am just hoping and praying that it is a different that can still create and hold love, joy, fulfillment, and happiness for both of us.

MIA

I know I've been MIA for a while now. Things have been busy and tough, and honestly, I'm the kind of person that just gets quiet & holes up when things aren't going well. In those time, I just don't have the energy to give to anyone or anything that isn't a top priority of life.

School has been a killer this month. New students, severe behavioral issues, additional meetings, extra paperwork, lots of documentation and reports, parenting concerns, grades, lots of parent conferences, tutoring during and after school, and the stress of upcoming testing is making things extra rough. This past two weeks of work have probably been the worst I've seen in a while. Twelve hour days are the norm this time of year. I haven't felt well on top of that, so sleep is a precious commodity that even surpasses food and quality time with DH right now. When I walked in the door after 7:00pm last Friday night, DH just looked at me and I said, "When I grow up, I want to be a secretary." I'm just praying for the end of April, so I can (hopefully) enjoy the downhill slide of the end of the year.

We did another IUI on January 11th, and things looked perfect. I took Femara again, did acupuncture, quit drinking caffeine, drank little to no wine, had "perfect" lining, good follicular development, had the trigger shot, DH's numbers were "perfect", and the IUI itself was perfect. Why would things not go perfectly well and we get pg?! I felt hopeful for the first time in a long time, and had such a positive feeling and attitude along the way. There were dreams of pregnancy and babies. I developed several symptoms and swore that I had to be pg.

Then AF showed. Right on time. I was devastated. Again. DH was sweet about it, and loved and hugged on me while I cried. Of course, the dog barfed up a silicone baking mat that he'd eaten right about then so life continued. :) No rest for the weary, huh?

Nobody knew that we did the IUI except for my work team and about five or six friends of mine that have recently gone through - or are right now going through - the journey of PL/IF. They have been a huge support for me along the way, after my crushing defeat, and moving ahead.

I have an appt. with Dr. Terrific on Wednesday and plan on skipping out on a staff meeting that day to go. We don't know where we'll go from here, but it will still be in the direction of a baby.

Meet My Goddaughter

I've wanted/needed to post this for a couple of months, but I had to wait for the right time. The most important thing is that I'M A GODMOTHER to a beautiful little girl! I would like for you to meet my precious little Goddaughter, Payton Elizabeth. She was born on November 9, 2009. This photo is of Payton and I on the day of her church dedication on November 22, 2009. We immediately fell in love.

Payton is the daughter of my awesome friends Sarah & Jamie. You can hear more about the awesome story of them becoming a family on Sarah & Jamie's blog. I'm sure you'll get to see more cutie-pie photos while you're there, too.

This photo of Miss P, her Mommy Sarah, and I was taken under the lovely, glistening harsh and unforgiving lights of the church. I promise my hair is blonde, not orange. It is also not a lie that I am taller than Sarah and I'm fat.

Look at that cute girl!!!! (That Mommy is a cutie too!) After her dedication before the church, I held Payton through the entire church service. We were able to learn more about Jesus and sing songs. It was awesome.

It's difficult for me to put into words, but I am so thankful that Sarah and Jamie were led to ask me to be Payton's Godmother. It is a role that I take very seriously. There are many opportunities in the years ahead to help Sarah and Jamie shape their precious girl into a loving, beautiful, kind-hearted woman of God. I just hope that I can fulfill my role well.

Lots Going On In There

I survived the terrible H1N1 virus, and I am slowly rejoining humanity. I've been out of the house a couple of times, and I'm headed back to work tomorrow. After going through the swine flu, I can see how people with underlying medical conditions can die from it. It's that awful. I'm disappointed that we missed this past cycle, but I'm looking it as an opportunity to have lots of wine with my Thanksgiving meal . . . or something like that.

There is a lot going on in my head. I need to sort a bunch of it out before I begin putting any of it to paper. I'm just in one of those "places." I'm not sure how to describe it, really, but I'm just kinda quiet right now. Typically, quiet for me is not good. However, this is a quiet I need to get through the rest of 2009, through the holidays, through some things I need to figure out. There is nothing anyone can do to help me. I'm the only one who can do it. It's not all good, not all bad. Some of it's in between.

Don't worry . . . I'll still be blogging. I don't know what it will be about, but I'll be around to ramble some more.

BIG TONIGHT & BIG TOMORROW

Big stuff going on here people . . . BIG!

First BIG thing first: My friend Jenn is in Labor & Delivery right now! Please send your love and prayers her way. Jenn's water broke earlier (I got the call close to 5pm CDT) and her DH, Hal, took her to the hospital. Since Halle is a bit stubborn - like her mom, maybe? - she is breech and will be delivered via c-section at 9pm CDT. C'mon baby Halle! We can't wait to meet you! Love you Jenn!

Next BIG thing: Ohmygoodnessgracious! Big Brother's season finale is tonight!!! It's DVRing right now, so I don't have to waste any time with stupid commercials. I've watched every season of this wonderfully ridiculous show, and I'm excited about the finale! GO JORDAN! (or Kevin if not Jordan, but definitely not Natalie)

Another BIG thing tonight: Biggest Loser's season premiere! A local favorite is Abby Riker. Her story is heartbreaking. Her husband went to the same high school as I did, but he was (of course) much younger. I LOVE this show, and I'm rooting for the home girl! You can do it, Abby!

Oh, and another big thing: is coming tomorrow! You better stay tuned. I'm serious. You might like it and not want to miss out! In fact, if you check back soon, it might be tomorrow. This is cool enough to earn its own post.

A Great Recipe

These are some wonderful tips to help make it through each day, and create the life you want and deserve. It's quite a great recipe.


1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Talk to God about what is going on in your life. Buy a lock if you have to.

3. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, 'My purpose is to__________ today. I am thankful for______________'

4. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

5. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli , almonds & walnuts.

6. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

7. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

8. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.

9. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

10. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

11. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

12. You are not so important that you have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

13. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

14. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

15. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

16. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'

17. Forgive everyone for everything.

18. What other people think of you is none of your business.

19. GOD heals everything - but you have to ask Him.

20. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

21. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch!!!

22. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

23. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful for__________. Today I accomplished_________.

24. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

25. When you are feeling down, start listing your many blessings. You'll be smiling before you know it.

A Good Day

After an extremely difficult week (in which I admittedly thought of quitting), we got some good news at school today. You can read it here. It's long but from my heart.

Quick Update

Sorry to be a slack blogger of late. Last week was extremely difficult between losing my grandmother and the stress of work. In the TTC world, I'm ovulating so we've been a tad busy. Of course DH lures me with his romantic calls to the bedroom of, "Come on, let me inseminate you." Who could refuse an offer like THAT?

Still Here

I'm still alive but have been sick as a dog. I laid around all last weekend because I felt something "coming on", but I didn't know what it was. By Tuesday, I left school and headed to the doctor. Severe bronchitis - and it's taking forever to go away. So much so, that I've been going home and ordered to bed by DH each evening. I'm CD4 and looking forward to him "ordering me to bed" in the upcoming days! But I digress . . .

I'm heavily debating about some things right now, so I'm not sure what exactly I'll be posting about our TTC journey in the near future. I love having so many people read our blog, but I also have become much more private in our journey that I have ever been as a person before. DH is a very private person while I am not at all. If/when we get pg again, I'll want to respect his wishes and maintain some privacy and secrecy until we know the viability of the pregnancy. If/when we ever get a bfp, very few people will know (including family, friends, and all of my dear readers).

We are also experiencing lots of stress at work and family illnesses. My birthday is next week, and the TTC pressure of age (and probably some senility already kicking in!) don't help. At least we have our two-year anniversary and spring break to keep us going for now. After that, we'll just have to hang on for dear life until summer vacation.

Hopefully we'll be cleaning out the 2nd guest room to start on a nursery then . . .

I know I'm rambling, but that's what I do.

Supporting Our Local Hospitals

My family has been working extra-hard to make sure that, with this flailing economy, our local hospitals remain up and running. Our giving has exceeded $400,000 just this year! Aren't we so helpful??!!!

Won't you continue the tradition my family has begun by also supporting your local hospital? How have we done it, you ask? Well (gosh), here's how:

* My IF - including 2 HSCs, massive bloodwork, SHG, u/s, and more! (just read this blog)

* My Mom - bypass surgery, including an atrial valve repair, over 7 days in ICU, another week in IMC, and all of the testing before, during, & after her actual procedure.

* My Niece - almost losing her hand in an accident (Whitney vs. the window), ambulance service, emergency surgery, hospitalization, rehabilitation

* My Grandmother - mutiple hospitalizations, cancer treatment including the cost of hospice, morphine & other fine drugs

* My Stepdad - presently in the ICU with heart and kidney failure. Day 4 of ??? days completed today.

* Even My Dog - surgery to remove a large tumor from his chest

However, there are easier & less painful ways to support your local hospitals. I highly recommend that you
$$ JUST SEND CASH $$.

Poor, Little Blog Here

Things have been very busy, crazy lately. My mom had open heart surgery on Monday, my grandmother started radiation to deal with pain from her metastasizing cancer, my MIL is not well, school is getting ready to start, and everything else that is normal in life is still happening.

I'm on CD7 or something like that. If I'm ever home or awake enough, maybe we'll make a baby this month. We'll see. Until, I'm hanging at the hospital visiting my mom when allowed & slaying other dragons that come my way. I'm posting Mom updates on my other blog if you want to check (link somewhere on here).