Repeat Repeat Repeat

Scans are back.  Must have my gall bladder removed asap.

FML.

Friday's Scans

Went on Friday for my pelvic, abdominal, and transvag u/s & I don't know anything yet.  I do know that I'm still having definite pain on my right side - mainly on the right-hand side of my ribs.  The sonographer spent a lot of time capturing views of my liver and gall bladder.  She pressed on one spot and it did NOT feel good.  Of course, as a worrier, I then began to silently freak that I had spots of cancer on my liver, that I have liver cancer, that I am going to die, that my husband will become a widower, my dogs won't have their Mom, and that we will never be able to adopt a baby if I'm dead.  It was all I could do not to cry.  Finally, I got myself in check as she finished the sonos.  I'm still a bit worried, though.

Though I told her I could probably do it myself, I didn't look during the transvaginal u/s because I've become so accustomed to seeing the dark, desolate inside of my uterus that I was worried I might freak that there wasn't even a uterus to see (much less ever a baby).  Just for affirmation and self-entertainment, I asked the sonographer if there were any reproductive parts left in there to which she quickly answered, "Nope!"  No lady parts, just something that is still causing me pain.  What next???

After explaining to my mom the details of my scans, she said, "Well you may need your gall bladder out."  I swear if they have to go inside of me again, I'll have them gut me.  I have neither the time nor the desire to be stabbed or cut again.  No thank you.  I'm really looking forward to this blog becoming a "HEY look at my cute new baby!" blog vs. "HEY it's me again . . . still bitching, whining, moaning, and complaining."

Someday, my friends . . . . . . . someday.

Not him!

After speaking with Nurse Amazing today, I went to see Dr. Terrific about the pain I'm still experiencing post-op.  We aren't sure what is causing the pain so after commenting, "You just always have to be the complicated one," (or something like that), Dr. T wrote orders for me to have abdominal and pelvic u/s tomorrow.  There's even a possibility that I'll have to hang out with the dildo cam again.  Not him again!  I thought I was done with the vag cam.

I just want the pain gone, so I'll meet with whatever instrument/implement necessary.

Don't Quit

Saw this today & LOVED it!  I will add it to my Quotes for Strength page linked above.

"Don't quit before your miracle.  When you're in the trenches of a transformation, it is hard to see your miracle coming."  ~ Karen Salmansohn

Dear Dr. T

In case you are reading this tonight from your fancy iPad, I am standing by my previous response in relation to missing my parts with a resounding "NO!!"  However, the sword fight that occurred on my right side is still killing me.  Be excited, because I'll be calling you tomorrow.

Sincerely,
The One Still in Pain  :/

Subtle Mind-Reading

Me to DH:  "Honey, on my way home today I figured out that we don't have a baby yet because God knows we don't have a place for it to sleep."

DH: "Okay.  Are you trying to say something?"

Me: "Nope.  We don't even have a way to get baby home anyway."

:)  Men call it mind-reading.  We call it subtle hints.

How The Tables Turn

At dinner last night, I told DH we really need to buy the baby basics.  His reply?

"Mmm . . . I dunno."

HUH?

When I asked him what he meant, he said, "Well, you know, I just worry about karma."

Who is this cool-footed man eating dinner with me?  Isn't he the one who mentioned adoption YEARS ago?  Is he not the one who thought this was a great idea because he was worried about me and my mental & physical health?  Oh, how the tables have turned.

So, in true faithful, hopeful fashion I shared with him what our agency owner said to me, "Oh honey . . . we're adopting.  Everyone gets a baby!  It'll be okay."

And dammit, I want to order baby stuff.  NOW.  :)

Itchy-Scratchy

My stomach is itching like crazy!!!  And not just my incision sites which are covered in dermabond/glue anyway.   The areas around my incisions, the bruises, my bikini line where they shaved me more than I had shave & even the parts of my stomach that I haven't been able to feel since my surgery.

I feel like my pup, Steve, when he rolls on his back waiting for belly scratches.  Goodness knows he owes me scratches, but he'd probably severely injure me!

Other than itching, I'm slowly recovering.  Luckily a lot of my bloating is gone.  I'm still sore & even sore in places I wasn't before.  Bending is still a challenge and I can still easily overdo it if I move around much.  I started hormones the day after surgery and I suppose they are working.

My post-op with Dr. T is tomorrow, so maybe he'll have some insight as to why I've got the itches and explain what I'm seeing when I look at the nasty pics of the guts known as my former reproductive system.

ps - Don't look up "itchy" images on the interwebz.  SO GROSS.

Bequeathing

From the looks of what I cleaned out of the bathroom cabinet today, one would surmise that (1) I'm a hoarder of all things feminine product-related, (2) I was preparing for the AF Armageddon, or (3) both.  The correct answer is probably #3!  I will admit to throwing away two packs of applicators and three chucks.  I did keep one new box of pantiliners because, hey, I DO have a cervix ya know.

It is time for me to bequeath the multiple boxes of pads, pantiliners, tampons, OPKs, and HPTs.  I am going to offer my maid the sanitary product stuff.  She just had yet another baby and can probably use it or give it to other needy women.  The OPKs and HPTs are going to my friend, Jenn.  Damn.  I really should auction all of it off and make some money.  Ha!!!

As for my recovery, it's slow.  I'm feeling okay but still very sore and weak.  Doesn't take much to slow me down.  It's a bit frustrating but I'll survive.  Still kinda weird to think about it . . . I don't have a uterus.  No ovaries.  No tubes.  I had my entire reproductive system ripped out.  Don't worry, though.  I'm still checking tp like something is actually going to be there!

Three Days Later and . . .

It's only been three days since my hysterectomy and I'm bored.  I overdid it on Tuesday (day of surgery) and Wednesday.  Wednesday night I hit a wall and DH was not happy about it.  I ended up in tears and pain.  I rested more yesterday and had a fever before going to bed.  I rested more today and my incision sites were oozing (gross).   I'm feeling okay other than the huge bloating and the fact I can't bend, stretch, reach or move quickly.  When I sleep, I sleep HARD.  I'd love to take a pain pill and go to sleep right now, but I think I've already built up a tolerance to one of my meds.    Gotta wait another 90 minutes before I take the next one.

Thankfully I've had family and friends come visit me and bring food and call and send cards and email, but I'm bored when nobody is here.  FB and TB and Pinterest can only entertain me for so long.

Now, if I didn't *have* to sit around doing nothing, I'd love it of course.  I'm not physically able/ready to go back to work on Monday, so I will rest according to DH's orders and see how it goes next week.  I'm RRREEEALLLLYYYY wanting to buy baby stuff while I'm sitting around.  Sounds like a bad joke, huh?  "So, there was this girl who had no uterus who was shopping online for baby stuff . . . "

Just wanted to ramble and that I did.  More to come I'm sure.  Off to find more crappy TV.