Blowing Off the Dust . . . Full Circle

Hi there.  Remember me?  I didn't  think so.  I've wanted to start blogging again but just haven't made it a priority.  However, today something happened that reignited that fire - even if for only a brief moment.  I doubt anyone reads this dusty ol' archive of my pathetic journey to become a Mom, but I'm doing this for me anyway.

As a quick update, Kate turned two in September.  She is freaking amazing.  While I know I am biased, Kate is absolutely beautiful, smart, funny, strong, silly, feisty, loving, stubborn, dramatic, sweet, and all-around awesome.

I was changing Kate's diaper and getting her jammies on when I leaned down to rub noses with her.  She looked me straight in the eyes and, while grabbing my cheeks, said, "I love you, Mommy.  I love love my Mommy.  Ohhh Mommy." and hugged me so, so tight while repeating, "I love you, Mommy."  Cue the ugly cry.  We just hugged and loved on each other for a couple of minutes while I soaked in the moment.

11 years ago today, DH and I met on a blind date.  3 years ago today, we officially signed with the adoption agency.  26 months ago today, I became a Mommy.  And today, all of the pain & suffering of IF washed away for those moments while my daughter continued to melt the pieces of my heart back into a whole.

Kate & Mommy Enjoy Morning Snuggles

My Blessing

I know I have fallen out of the blogosphere, and I apologize.  There is so much to say, so much to share, and so much to tell that I wouldn't even know where to begin.  Hopefully I can be a little regular with my blogging because my daughter is awesome & I'd love to share her with you!

But most importantly, God gave me an amazing gift one year ago today.  My life and my heart have been completely changed forever.  I am so very blessed.

Photo Credit: photos by kekis

Happy Birthday, Katherine Leigh. You are amazing, beautiful, smart, funny, feisty, active, strong, curious, and the most incredible thing God has ever created.  I love you more than I could ever explain or show you.

Photo Credit:  AKA Photography

If you are still in the trenches . . . . still waiting . . . . have FAITH.  Your baby is out there.  It will be worth the wait.  I PROMISE you.  I know it's hard to see when you are on the other side, but I promise you what I say is true.  Have faith.

Good Mommy, Bad Blogger

Well, I've gotten the whole Mommy gig down pretty well now, but I obviously suck at blogging.  There is always so much to say and share but not enough time to do it.  Kate is doing so amazingly well.  She eats lots of different veggies and fruits now.  I make her food and this week I'm introducing beans and meats.  Kate will love them, but we won't like the poops!  :)  Little Miss isn't crawling yet, but she is finally showing some interest in mobility other than rolling around and rocks on all fours when she wants.  Kate is very verbal -  sounds like "nah nah," "bwah bwah," and "ah ah" are frequently heard in addition to screaming, shrieking, and cooing.

Mr. Rambler and I are doing okay - just wishing we could be at home with our baby girl all the time.  Unfortunately, that doesn't pay the bills and surely won't give us the money for all of the diapers and food and clothing we seem to go through like crazy!  Here are a few pics for you to enjoy.  I promise someday I'll get better at getting it all done.

5 months

6 months

7 months

I'm finishing the little details of her nursery, and I PROMISE to post pics when I finish!  Hope this finds all of you well wherever you are in your journey to parenting.

My Little Easter Bunny

Kate didn't understand squat about Easter this year, but she did enjoy the empty plastic eggs, Easter bucket (because the Easter Bunny couldn't find a basket), and her stuffed hare (which kinda looks like a dead animal).  Between my baby girl and losing my brother, the meaning of Easter and the Resurrection felt VERY different this year and now hold so much more meaning.  I hope your Easter was enjoyable.

Where It All Began

Today marks 6 years since my first BFP (and subsequent m/c) and the long, painful road to trying to have a family.  It's hard to believe that it has been SIX YEARS since the roller coaster ride began.  And, boy, do I hate roller coasters!  (metaphorically and realistically)

However, as I rocked Kate to sleep the other night (and admittedly held her long after that), I can finally understand why we had to go through it all.  Now, here we are with our precious daughter and an amazing birth mother whom I absolutely love and cherish as well.  It's such a mix of emotions, and I thankful I can finally look back and say, "Ohhhhh . . . I see. That kind of makes sense now!"  What a long, tragic, sucky, miserable ride that ended in this beautiful, perfect place!

Here's an example of beautiful and perfect.  :)

It can't get any better than round rosy cheeks, bright blue eyes, pretty pink lips, blonde spiky hair, and lovely long eyelashes!  And you should see her chubby thighs!  That is right.  My daughter, Kate, is PERFECT.

After the long, hard battle I can now see in her that it all makes sense.  And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Google is Stupid

First they drop sharing/commenting on Google Reader.
Then, they drop Google Calendar sync.
Now . . . Google Reader is getting the ax.

Soooooo, I'm trying Bloglovin' now to keep up with all of my favorite blogs.  If you use GR, then you'll need to make the big switch yourself.  Don't forget to import/find/follow Fertile Ramblings!


Follow my blog with Bloglovin

The Very Worst

I know that I've been absent from the blogosphere for a while now.  For being known as "The Rambler" the reason is something that I can hardly discuss.  I don't even know how to say it, much less write it, but my world completely changed on January 28, 2013 around 8:30pm.

I received a phone call from my mom.  She was in an ambulance with my brother Jeffrey, and they were being rushed to the nearest ER.  Jeffrey had a massive hemorrhagic stroke and never recovered.  He passed on Friday, February 1, 2013 at 4:29pm surrounded by those who loved him most.  I have never experienced anything so heartbreaking and devastating in my life.  His memorial service was amazing and such a beautiful tribute to him.  How I was able to stand before over 100 people and tell them about my brother is still unbeknownst to me.  Watching my parents lose a child has been equally as difficult as losing my brother.  And that's all I can really say.

If you've followed my blog(s) for a while, you've prayed for Jeff before.  Thank you for that.  He was so amazing and speaking of him in the past tense doesn't make sense to me.  I don't have any idea how we are all getting through this, but it is painful.

I have lots to tell you about my beautiful, wonderful daughter and how she is helping to heal the hearts and souls of my family, but for now we would covet your thoughts and prayers as we try to figure out how to live without such a wonderful person in our world.

Even though this pic from 1984 looks like I'm attacking my little brother with my huge bangs, I love it because of the look on Jeffrey's face.  We had a relationship of love that could never be beat by any brother/sister ever.

We love you, Jeffrey.  You are desperately missed and forever loved.

I Missed It

Can't believe I missed the first anniversary of the ripping out of my bum ute and all its crappy accessories!  My complete hysterectomy was on January 17, 2012 - a year and a week ago - and boy has it been nice not having AF.  Knowing that I won't ever see her ugly head rear again is quite wonderful.

And even better?  I didn't need any of those parts to become a Mommy thanks to the beautiful gift of adoption.

Almost Sitting

Kate is ALMOST sitting up by herself.  Right now she's doing a "leaning forward" kind of thing.  She thinks it's sitting up like a big girl & I'm going with it.

Objects in the photo may appear larger than they really are.  If you know anything about perspective, you will realize that my baby doesn't have an extra-huge head.  (In fact, she's only in the 10th percentile for head circumference!)  The cheeks, however . . . those are the real deal!!  She's just so stinkin' cute.

Four Months

Cuatro.  IV.  1/3 of a year.  4.  FOUR!  

Miss Kate is now four months old, and she thinks she is a big girl already!  

The day before her four-month birthday we headed to see Kate's pedi, Dr. D.  After checking in and getting stripped down, Daddy Rambler and I let our wiggly worm have some tummy time on the exam table.  It looked like this before the doctor made it in to see us.

Miss Chunkers was 25" long and 17 lbs. 3 oz.!!!  No wonder my back hurts all the time! The doctor wrote on his monthly report that Kate is a "thriving and healthy baby!"  When Dr. D. said that we hadn't asked him if she was beautiful, I responded, "No need.  We already know she is!"  haha

Since Kate received shots at her appointment, she was fairly fussy on the 11th.   That's why all of these photos are a couple of days before and after that day!  So . . . . . what has Kate been doing besides eating?

She's been bathing,

playing (well, eating) football,

and simply being cute.

Kate is enjoying cereal now.

And sitting in her Bumbo seat is fun, too.

I am STILL working on her nursery.  (Don't judge.  My three week pregnancy went very fast!)  I will post pics when I finally finish.

Keeping up with a diva's wardrobe is hard work for me!  That's just her 3-6 month clothes and doesn't include onesies, pants and her sock/legwarmer drawer.  It's nuts.

Speaking of nuts, I think my little princess has more bows & headbands than Imelda Marcos had shoes.

But she handles it all very well, just posing for me like she's Lily Tomlin or something.

My amazing daughter is changing so much and it is happening before my very eyes.  Time is moving way too fast for me because I can't get enough of Miss Katherine Leigh.  I am so blessed.