Where It All Began

Today marks 6 years since my first BFP (and subsequent m/c) and the long, painful road to trying to have a family.  It's hard to believe that it has been SIX YEARS since the roller coaster ride began.  And, boy, do I hate roller coasters!  (metaphorically and realistically)

However, as I rocked Kate to sleep the other night (and admittedly held her long after that), I can finally understand why we had to go through it all.  Now, here we are with our precious daughter and an amazing birth mother whom I absolutely love and cherish as well.  It's such a mix of emotions, and I thankful I can finally look back and say, "Ohhhhh . . . I see. That kind of makes sense now!"  What a long, tragic, sucky, miserable ride that ended in this beautiful, perfect place!

Here's an example of beautiful and perfect.  :)

It can't get any better than round rosy cheeks, bright blue eyes, pretty pink lips, blonde spiky hair, and lovely long eyelashes!  And you should see her chubby thighs!  That is right.  My daughter, Kate, is PERFECT.

After the long, hard battle I can now see in her that it all makes sense.  And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Google is Stupid

First they drop sharing/commenting on Google Reader.
Then, they drop Google Calendar sync.
Now . . . Google Reader is getting the ax.

Soooooo, I'm trying Bloglovin' now to keep up with all of my favorite blogs.  If you use GR, then you'll need to make the big switch yourself.  Don't forget to import/find/follow Fertile Ramblings!


Follow my blog with Bloglovin

The Very Worst

I know that I've been absent from the blogosphere for a while now.  For being known as "The Rambler" the reason is something that I can hardly discuss.  I don't even know how to say it, much less write it, but my world completely changed on January 28, 2013 around 8:30pm.

I received a phone call from my mom.  She was in an ambulance with my brother Jeffrey, and they were being rushed to the nearest ER.  Jeffrey had a massive hemorrhagic stroke and never recovered.  He passed on Friday, February 1, 2013 at 4:29pm surrounded by those who loved him most.  I have never experienced anything so heartbreaking and devastating in my life.  His memorial service was amazing and such a beautiful tribute to him.  How I was able to stand before over 100 people and tell them about my brother is still unbeknownst to me.  Watching my parents lose a child has been equally as difficult as losing my brother.  And that's all I can really say.

If you've followed my blog(s) for a while, you've prayed for Jeff before.  Thank you for that.  He was so amazing and speaking of him in the past tense doesn't make sense to me.  I don't have any idea how we are all getting through this, but it is painful.

I have lots to tell you about my beautiful, wonderful daughter and how she is helping to heal the hearts and souls of my family, but for now we would covet your thoughts and prayers as we try to figure out how to live without such a wonderful person in our world.

Even though this pic from 1984 looks like I'm attacking my little brother with my huge bangs, I love it because of the look on Jeffrey's face.  We had a relationship of love that could never be beat by any brother/sister ever.

We love you, Jeffrey.  You are desperately missed and forever loved.

I Missed It

Can't believe I missed the first anniversary of the ripping out of my bum ute and all its crappy accessories!  My complete hysterectomy was on January 17, 2012 - a year and a week ago - and boy has it been nice not having AF.  Knowing that I won't ever see her ugly head rear again is quite wonderful.

And even better?  I didn't need any of those parts to become a Mommy thanks to the beautiful gift of adoption.

Almost Sitting

Kate is ALMOST sitting up by herself.  Right now she's doing a "leaning forward" kind of thing.  She thinks it's sitting up like a big girl & I'm going with it.

Objects in the photo may appear larger than they really are.  If you know anything about perspective, you will realize that my baby doesn't have an extra-huge head.  (In fact, she's only in the 10th percentile for head circumference!)  The cheeks, however . . . those are the real deal!!  She's just so stinkin' cute.

Four Months

Cuatro.  IV.  1/3 of a year.  4.  FOUR!  

Miss Kate is now four months old, and she thinks she is a big girl already!  

The day before her four-month birthday we headed to see Kate's pedi, Dr. D.  After checking in and getting stripped down, Daddy Rambler and I let our wiggly worm have some tummy time on the exam table.  It looked like this before the doctor made it in to see us.

Miss Chunkers was 25" long and 17 lbs. 3 oz.!!!  No wonder my back hurts all the time! The doctor wrote on his monthly report that Kate is a "thriving and healthy baby!"  When Dr. D. said that we hadn't asked him if she was beautiful, I responded, "No need.  We already know she is!"  haha

Since Kate received shots at her appointment, she was fairly fussy on the 11th.   That's why all of these photos are a couple of days before and after that day!  So . . . . . what has Kate been doing besides eating?

She's been bathing,

playing (well, eating) football,

and simply being cute.

Kate is enjoying cereal now.

And sitting in her Bumbo seat is fun, too.

I am STILL working on her nursery.  (Don't judge.  My three week pregnancy went very fast!)  I will post pics when I finally finish.

Keeping up with a diva's wardrobe is hard work for me!  That's just her 3-6 month clothes and doesn't include onesies, pants and her sock/legwarmer drawer.  It's nuts.

Speaking of nuts, I think my little princess has more bows & headbands than Imelda Marcos had shoes.

But she handles it all very well, just posing for me like she's Lily Tomlin or something.

My amazing daughter is changing so much and it is happening before my very eyes.  Time is moving way too fast for me because I can't get enough of Miss Katherine Leigh.  I am so blessed.

Return of the Pterodactyl

Baby Kate has always been pretty verbal.  She is a calm, happy baby but has expressed her basic needs for sleep, food and diaper changes with cries.  As she has grown, Kate likes to coo and talk and make noises.  She really only cries now when sleepy, hungry, or bored.

As a teeny-tiny baby, Kate had such a squeaky cry.  It sounded like a mix between a baby cheetah and baby pterodactyl.  Enter Exhibit A; Kate at 2 days old (she was SO tiny!) :

At 2 months, her cry was more of a cry than a "call."  Enter Exhibit B:

A few weeks ago, Kate began her "static" language as demonstrated here.  It was so cute and sweet!  Note the descriptor "was."  Enter Exhibit C (pardon my half-nekkid, roly-poly baby!):

For a few days, she just did some cute chuckling and giggling amidst precious coos and static language.  Then this past week, (now that she is such a big girl at four months old) Kate has returned to the pterodactyl as demonstrated below.  She is SO proud of herself.  Kate will use this joyful "call" any time she likes, day or night.  This time, it's killing me.  Must.buy.stock.in.ear.plugs.

Enter Exhibit P for Pterodactyl (warning: turn down your volume now):

She's gonna be a talker . . . and screamer . . .and really loud.  Who am I kidding?  Kate is already all that & more!  Oh mercy!!

A Quick Ramble

First . . . to all of the mommies out there, I apologize.  Mommy Brain IS real.  It is not some pretend thing you made up to rub in my face that you had a baby and I didn't.  Mommy Brainz = I gotz it.

Second  . . . Kate is AMAZING.  I can't even describe how in awe of and in love with her we are.  She is now four months old (FOUR!!!) and beautiful, healthy, strong, funny, snuggly, feisty, smart, sweet, curious, and so incredibly cute.

Third . . . I have so much to blog but such little time.  Being back at work and getting Kate picked up at the sitter and home and dinner and cleaning and bath time and bed time and . . . . . . . it's just not getting done right now.  It will though.  I promise.

If you had this to look at whenever you wanted, would YOU get anything done?

I didn't think so.

Kate's First Christmas

What a busy Christmas we had!  Seeing family, traveling out of state, and working on Kate's nursery/the house kept us busy.


Our new stockings (from Ugly Sofa) were hung by the chimney with care.  Good thing because slacker first-time parents didn't decorate for Christmas at ALL otherwise!

Kate visited Santa - twice.

This is NOT my Daddy!

Him again?!

Let me run!

 Santa brought Kate more than a few lovely gifts.  A new toybox, iPad cover, pajamas, mirror, outfits, shoes, hats, coat, stroller and car seat travel covers, humidifier, pillow pet, and more awaited her "under the stockings."

Kate also received wonderful and thoughtful gifts from Auntie Patty & Uncle Jim, Auntie Jackie, and Auntie Christina.  Opening them was a bit of a challenge this year, but she loved all of it!

She spent plenty of time being precious and  looking cute as always.

Wearing her Santa outfit from Auntie Sherry and Uncle Big Pop.

Thankfully Kate's grandparents had Christmas trees for her to adore.

Cute even with a massive scratch on her eye/nose. Awesome.

And the best part . . . our first WHITE CHRISTMAS in North Texas for about thirty years.  It must've been just for our baby girl.

Protective Daddy kept saying "Hurry.  It's too cold,"
as if I didn't have her bundled up! :)

As I entered Kate's room Christmas morning, I was greeted by a beautiful little angel lying in her crib with a huge smile on her face.  Thus began this Mommy's first tears of this blessed day.  While Jesus was born this day and saved us all, my precious daughter brightened my world in an instant.  I'm constantly overwhelmed by the love I have for her and my heart continues to grow and grow and grow.  Often I wonder if my heart will explode.


We are a very blessed family.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year from the Ramblers.

FINAL

On Monday, December 17th, 2012 Kate's adoption was finalized.  While it was only a formality stating what we have known in our hearts all along, Katherine Leigh is now officially a Rambler.  Her last name has been changed, her birth certificate is being reissued with the name change and placing our names upon it, and she will soon be able to get a social security number.

It was so neat to see the other families there doing the same as us.  Since we were the second-to-last family to go before the judge, we offered to take photos of families as soon as they exited the courtroom.

One of the most special scenes I witnessed was of a family of SEVEN - Dad & Mom (both Caucasian), three Caucasian daughters, a young AA son and young AA daughter.  They were all dressed so wonderfully and had huge smiles on their faces as they emerged from the courtroom as an "official" family.  They all hugged and smiled at one another.  The Mom then stopped, closed her eyes, and began to weep tears of relief and joy.

Being an empathetic crier, I teared up with her before jumping from my seat to take a photo.  They were so appreciative and my heart warmed with the love they all had for one another.  Our family just beamed with them, knowing we were feeling the same way.  What a special moment for everyone that will always be in etched in my brain and heart.

We got a few photos taken before we were called.

Kate with two of her sets of grandparents - Papa & Gran (my dad & stepmom) and
Grandpa & Grandma Linny (Todd's dad & stepmom).

Daddy & his little girl.

Along for the ride, but not overly interested!

Our lil' family. I love Kate's WubbaNub paci hanging out of her mouth!

Our time finally came to enter the courtroom.  Kate had fallen asleep (not long after sharing her pterodactyl cries through the echoing hall outside the courtroom!), and I was carrying her.  Our attorney was inside and we were asked to approach the bench.  We asked if our family could join us, and everyone said yes with smiles on their faces.  The attorney began to petition the court for our adoption, we were sworn in by the judge, and the legal talk ensued.

Our attorney then asked Todd a series of questions related to our adoption, submitted documentation to the court (home study, criminal backgrounds, etc.), and then asked if I concurred with all of Todd's answers.  Whenever the judge responded, she did so with a sweet and happy voice.  We knew this must be the best part of job as a judge in the juvenile courts of a large urban county.

As the discussion got underway, so did my tears.  They were the silent and thankful type of tears, unlike the many loud and painful tears cried through the over five years of waiting for our baby.  When the judge declared this adoption official and binding, that this daughter will always be ours, she said it through a smile.  My smile returned hers, albeit a little stained with black mascara streaks.  (Why did I think I wouldn't cry that day??!!)  The sweet judge then gave Kate a little stuffed bunny as a gift and congratulated us and our family.  We took photos of OUR family now.

Yes, for the record, I photoshopped out most of my mascara streaks.
I was under oath, so I have to tell you.

Just a small section of Kate's family and a minute section
of the many who love her.

Our precious daughter was really and truly and finally ours.  In our hearts, on paper, legally, to the world - ours.  It's not that she wasn't before, but now we could breathe just a tiny bit easier knowing that no matter what, she would be with us forever.  Joyous relief filled my heart.  What a journey it has been to get here.  And what a journey it will be.

"For this child I have prayed . . . " 1 Samuel 1:27