After a long and excruciating internal battle, I made the decision last night to put my cat, Mindy, to sleep today. She was getting weaker by the minute, and I did not want her to suffer needlessly. I first adopted Mindy as a tiny six-week old little girl over eighteen years ago.
I held her and was with her until after she was gone. We spent some alone time this morning - just Mindy and her Mama - with me holding her, loving her, talking to her, stroking her fur, and crying over her. I gave her a couple of teaspoons of ice cream, which she delightfully ate. Then, I held her as I blanketed her in a comfy towel and drove to the vet's office. For the first time EVER, she did not move, cry, or make a sound while in the car. The doctor took Mindy back and put a little catheter in her leg. When the doctor brought her back to me, I cradled my blanketed little baby and spoke sweetly to her while the doctor injected the meds that let her sleep peacefully for good.
I am now devastated by her absence and can't believe she is gone.
My awesome friend, Joyce, sent me this poem which gives me some peace as I grieve. Thanks again, Joyce.
If I should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done,
For this--the last battle--can't be won.
You will be sad I understand
But don't let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years,
You wouldn't want me to suffer so.
When the time comes,
Please, let me go.
Take me to where my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me till the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree
It is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved
Don't grieve that it must be you
Who has to decide this thing to do;
We've been so close--we two-- these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.