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Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Used? No. Abused? Maybe.

An infertility board I frequent had a post today that made me think about thinks and respond in what may be an unpopular way.  Don't know if my view is different than others, but I don't really care.  The question posed on the forum asked something to the effect of this --- If women (regulars) on the board felt used by some women who rarely frequent the board and offer little support but may often ask for help/ask questions.  I responded with my little diatribe below:

After my long shittay day, I'm just getting to catch up on today's posts.  In response to the basic question, my answer is NO.  I do not feel used.  For some ladies, this may be the only resource they have for information.  I don't care if they have 5 posts or 5000 posts.  Without getting religious here, I feel like part of the reason I'm going through all of this crap is to help others in the same situation.
Now, if it's some drive-by bfp, then those ladies can just go fvck themselves for being stupid, rude, and insensitive.  The thought that a bunch of women  struggling with IF would be overjoyed for a complete stranger, then that's just craziness.
I've been at this for what will be four years next week.  I've been through hell and back and through it again (as most of us have).  I was around before we championed the start of this board, and I'm still here.  Yes, I wish I weren't, but there isn't a whole lot I can do about it outside of tons of money I don't have for a GC or by stealing a baby.
We are all at different points in our own journeys, and who am I to judge who "needs" the most support?  I don't need more friends (I have a ton); I've been in a sorority; I went through high school, and all of that stuff.  While, yes, there are some circles of women that are closer than others, that's life.  People are going to click with some better than others.  We are all adults here & I would only expect that behavior.  If someone comes here in hopes of getting answers that we can't give them, then so be it.  They can go ahead and call me (us) mean and bitter.  I can't give someone a baby any more than I can make one myself.  IMHO, it's all in the approach of what one says and how it is said it.  I'm not a b|tch until you piss me off and hurt those I love.
This may come across as a bit crass, but that's okay. I'm not angry or upset by this post.  Maybe I'm just old, bitter, and jaded.  I know what my future holds and know that my dreams may not come true.  However, if I can help other ladies with questions, support, thoughts, resources, or whatever they need, I'll do what I can in the time I have available.  That makes it almost a little worth it to be on this sucky road.  /diatribe  /soapbox

As I said to another member of that board who is an IRL friend, "(Am I) bitter much?  Probably.  Do I like wine?  Definitely."   Let's focus on what's important here, people!  :)


cjdubs13 said...

I haven't been on the boards in over a year...I had to stop during our TTC break to give myself a break. I am no longer going through IF procedures after we decided to adopt but do occasionally stop by the boards to see how the people I used to "talk" with are doing. I don't know what I would have done without the boards and the support I had from wonderful people like you. It was great support to me and a nice resource to ask people who have gone through it. My friends IRL were great, but they could not relate. Thank you for being you.

Anonymous said...

Amen sista.

Brooke said...

Those boards were my lifeline to sanity when we were TTC. I agree with your perspective. I think that no matter the type of group women get catty and posessive of the group but your right. When it comes down to it you are all there for the same reason.

WiseBursche said...

You said it well.

It is not about how many questions somebody is putting and the number of times somebody it number anyways? That person is here because of some issues that everybody is experiencing.

Let's just say that, say, in blogging I will like to go back to the person who left me a comment, but I will/may not match quantity with quantity. Sometimes the other person's post is such that I really don't have an opinion on, and a hug does not seem needed, or I have cuckoo ideas on the subject. I will keep quiet, but not because I am waiting for more comments from him/her to flow in.

AmandaMqn said...

I don't post as much anymore b/c the "tone" of the board is far from what it used to be and frankly, I don't like it. There are so many newbs I don't recognize and all this talk about splitting the board is crazy.

I've been unhappy with it for a while now but just can't seem to stop posting completely.

Anasara said...

I'm with you on the answering as many ?s as I can for others because there's so much misinformation out there, if not a complete lack of it. Do people who show up in their 2WW on their 1st IUI & then post their BFP & are thus never heard from again irk me? Heck yeah. But unfortunately, very few of us get lucky like that. After almost 3 years of TTC & 6 failed IUIs I am praying IVF #1 works. At the same time, if it does & we end up with a take home baby, I know I will have feelings of guilt for those who have dealt with numerous failed IVFs. IF makes us socially awkward to say the least.

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