It's Here

My very first trigger shot arrived today.

It was in a ridiculously oversized box:

Which only held these three things:

That needle looks awfully big.

DH asked who is giving me that shot.

I looked at him longingly. He turned away. I then told him either my mom (a nurse) or Dr. Terrific would do it. It's not that I don't trust DH to do it, but I just don't want to put him in that position. Not to mention that I don't think he wants to inject me in the first place!

Nor do I want my ass to hurt any more than it has to hurt. (It does go into my butt doesn't it?)

So . . . it's here. Now what?

Christmas Card Ideas

(Note: I started this last night, finished it this morning, and finally have a chance to post.)

Effing Xmas cards. I'm tired of them. I'm tired of putting the thought and heart into them each year. We have photos taken, include photos of the pets, maybe write a little something, have custom printing done, go over the list to keep it under 150, address all of the envelopes, seal, stamp & mail them all. It's just a lot of money and work, and just don't really feel like it.

I feel like this year we should send them out to look something like this:

We'll just use last year's photo and this year's text, which should have/could have been text for the past two years.

If it's not appropriate to send these out - and believe me, I'm tempted - I may not send any out at all. Instead, I'll wait for all the precious, cute, wonderful cards from family and friends with their precious children that I don't have. How's that for some bitter Christmas candy?

Lots Going On In There

I survived the terrible H1N1 virus, and I am slowly rejoining humanity. I've been out of the house a couple of times, and I'm headed back to work tomorrow. After going through the swine flu, I can see how people with underlying medical conditions can die from it. It's that awful. I'm disappointed that we missed this past cycle, but I'm looking it as an opportunity to have lots of wine with my Thanksgiving meal . . . or something like that.

There is a lot going on in my head. I need to sort a bunch of it out before I begin putting any of it to paper. I'm just in one of those "places." I'm not sure how to describe it, really, but I'm just kinda quiet right now. Typically, quiet for me is not good. However, this is a quiet I need to get through the rest of 2009, through the holidays, through some things I need to figure out. There is nothing anyone can do to help me. I'm the only one who can do it. It's not all good, not all bad. Some of it's in between.

Don't worry . . . I'll still be blogging. I don't know what it will be about, but I'll be around to ramble some more.

Such a Tease

This may be TMI, but I don't care. It's my blog, so it isn't too much for me.

I'm definitely ovulating. The gobs of EWCM I'm dealing with right now is just my body letting me know that it's still in charge.

Body: "See? Told you I'm in charge."
Me: "Whatever."
Body: "You're the one with the swine flu."
Me: "No, YOU'RE the body with the swine flu."
Body: "Well, fine. You're ovulating."
Me: "Yep. Thanks Captain Obvious."

So, the good news is that I'm still ovulating. The old factory hasn't shut down quite yet. Bad news is that the factory is on strike slaughtering pigs.

Cancelling IUI

I was diagnosed this morning with H1N1, so I'm going to cancel this cycle. My FMS is scheduled for Monday, but I just don't feel well enough right now to even think of going through everything this week.

Hope nobody reading has to deal with the swine flu. This is AWFUL.

Dear Puncturer

Dear Puncturer,

You must've hit something more than my "channel" yesterday. My thumb is bruised, swollen and sore today. No more needle in thumb please. Ouchie.

From Your Puncturee

Pictures of Puncturing

Today I told my Puncturer that he should take some photos so I could show my DH (and all of you, too, but I thought he might think that to be a bit odd). The Puncturer thought it was a great idea!

He pulled my phone out of my purse, inserted my needles and began clicking away. I soon felt as if I were a tourist attraction. The funniest part of the whole photographing process happened before he took the first photo. While I'm stretched out with needles, I keep my eyes closed. The Puncturer begins counting, "1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . ." and I start laughing. I said, "You don't need to count. I can't see you, and I'm not going to smile!" He shot the photo and said, "You were smiling there!" You won't see that photo because it's awful. Not that the rest of these are flattering whatsoever but here they are.

Here you can see several needles in my fat, tired, zit-ridden face since I was stupid enough to want asked for some help with sinus pressure. You can see one in my forehead, two sticking sideways into each eyebrow, and one sticking out of each side of my nose. Those hurt.

Needles in my legs, feet, and even in my toes!

And the last one is of my big belly. You'll see the needles in my upper and mid stomach, along my bikini line, and in my hands and thumbs.

I can't believe I just showed the world those terrible shots. I have no dignity. The things I do for you people! Don't get your hopes up (or should I say don't worry) . . . there will NEVER EVER, EVER be ANY photos of me in the stirrups. EV-ER.

A New Award

After posting my last entry about being "back in the saddle," I began to think about all of the other men and women in this world that are doing the same. So many that need recognition that their words provide strength and inspiration to the rest of us. I decided that we needed a blog award to share with others and I got to work. Therefore, I present:

The Back in the Saddle Award

Background: This award is given to bloggers that are "Back in the Saddle" of life. This may be someone who is undergoing medical treatments, restarting his/her life, resurfacing after a tragedy, or someone who is just trying to sport a new attitude. Recipients have an attitude of a fighter, strive to be a winner of the battle, and show determination.

Rules: Post the award's graphic, background, and rules on your blog. Explain how you are "Back in the Saddle" again, and then pass the award on to at least four other bloggers who are "Back in the Saddle" just like you. Make sure you let them know that they have been given this award, and ask them to pass it on.

The first recipients of the prestigious Back in the Saddle Award are:

1. Shanny - Shanny is battling Infertility and refuses to give up. Keep going, girl!

2. Jen - After suddenly losing her husband last year, Jen has decided to get back on the horse called life and ride it with all her might.

3. No Swimmers - After losing her precious twin girls, N.S. recently became a mommy and is riding in a new saddle.

4. Sarah - Sarah is going to be a mommy next week! Thanks to the blessing of a birthmother, she and Jamie are adopting precious Payton who is scheduled to be born on November 9th.

5. WiseGuy - S is also battling IF and trying to maintain a positive attitude despite it all.

Back in the Saddle . . . Again

Cysts are gone! Nothing there but a couple of ovaries, all ripe for the growing of follies.

When I entered the office "across the street", the waiting room was void of all patients. Sweet! No beautifully round baby bellies staring at my broken, baby-killing uterus. When Nurse E took my bp (which was elevated again) and Dr. T came out to greet me, I said, "So this is what it's like on the other side! Let's get this going, so I can be here for real."

Being the completely immodest person I am, I start stripping once I walk into the exam room. Don't think the door was even closed - maybe I should work on that a bit. Nurse E, not being like my puncturer, wasn't fazed a bit. Dr. T comes in and proves that my ovaries are lovely. He used a machine that is being replaced on Monday for a newer model. That's when I had a great idea.

Dr. T and I discussed it, and we are going to start a business. Since we live merely a few blocks away from one another, we are going to take the old u/s machine to his house. He'll open up his garage doing FMS and u/s for $20. We're going to start recruiting the neighborhood infertiles first, and go from there. I'll let you know how that goes. ;)

Anyway . . . I started the Femara again yesterday and go back on the 9th for an FMS. Depending on what we see, we'll get ready for an hcg trigger shot and IUI. The worst part of this cycle is that my FSA (flexible spending account for medical) is gone. I've used all $1500 of it this year. It'll cost me cash out of my pocket now.

As I stepped out of the exam room, there was an obviously pregnant woman with her husband waiting to come in. Nurse E had just asked her how many weeks along she was (30) and if she'd done her glucose test (yes). Dr. T and I walk by them, and then is how it goes:

Dr. T: "Hey, do mind if she rubs your belly?"

Girl: smiles.

Dr. T: "She's infertile."

Girl: most likely freaks out on the inside.

Me: "I'll touch her belly if she takes the glucose test again." (insert cheeky smile)

Everyone: Game over.

I swear that Dr. T guy is insane sometimes. Any other person saying that would've gotten a punch in the head.

Another interesting moment happened as I was leaving the hospital. Walking down the hall, I see a girl with an obviously precious new baby in her arms. I walk the other way because I'm bitter and just not up to it after the belly-rub incident. I enter the elevator and push the button for the door to close. As the doors slide together, new mom with new baby walks up to the elevator and tries to step in. I jump to push the door open button and being pushing it frantically. I accidentally pushed the door close button. Oops. The doors close, and I am safe. (It really was an accident. I'm bitter but not rude.)

I left the building laughing out loud at myself because I am the insane one now. Maybe I caught it from Dr. T.

So, I'm Still Here

I haven't bled to death yet, so I guess I'll keep blogging. If you don't hear from me, you'll know that AF had her way with me and won. ;)

I went for acupuncture again today. This time it felt more like acuPUNCTURE than before. My puncturer asked if it was okay to be aggressive, so I said yes not knowing what aggressive meant. It meant he put needles in my scalp, on the top of my head, in my wrists and arms, on the sides of my finger, sticking out of my thumb, in my calves, on my back, into my neck, on my stomach, in my ankles, and some other places I lost count of along the way. When he put one of the needles into the side of my hand, it shot up my forearm clear up to my shoulder. I said, "Did you hit one of my nerves?" Puncturer said, "Western medicine call it nerve. We call it channel." Nerve, channel, I don't care. That was crazy. I think a few of those needles must've been way extra long & hit my ovaries. Okay, maybe they didn't really hit my ovaries but dang . . .

And now that I think about it, the only thing he had me take off today was my socks and shoes. Ha!

When I asked what the purpose was for this treatment today (in relation to IF), puncture man said that it was to "stimulate my uterine and ovaries" and "clear my woman channel". He also said to "find out what doctor say about cysts" and he will "make them goway if still there." Whatever. Just make it all work in there!

I go for my baseline u/s tomorrow. The worst part of it (other than AF being here and the dildo cam being involved with that) will be that Dr. T is on call, so I have to go "across the street." I know a few of you who read my blog know what that means since your doc is a part of the same practice as Dr. Terrific. "Across the street" means I'm going to the OB office. I've never made it across the street before. See, that's the good thing about Dr. T's office. The pregnant office and the unpregnant office are separate. So separate that they are across the street from one another.

It'll be okay though. The pg ladies and I will wait together. The lucky with the unlucky. The baby carriers with the baby killer. The fertiles with the infertile. The blessed with the unblessed. As long as nobody asks when I'm due, we'll be jjuuuusstttt fine.