Saturday, March 28, 2009
My grandmother was the most amazing, courageous, and strong woman I have ever met. This world will be a much different place without her. I know my world will be.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
It's scary because I'm 41 and just don't have a lot of time now. I just can't give up. I have to have a baby. How did I go from being pg three times in one year to NOTHING?? I feel like I don't know anything anymore.
Time to double up on the Prozac (which I quit taking in the 2ww), drink like a fish, have a sushi/hot dog/deli meat/soft serve ice cream/soft cheese sandwich, and figure out where to go from here.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
The next day when I woke up to spotting, it's like she knew by looking at my face. That afternoon, Laurie literally placed her hands on my stomach and prayed for DH, our baby, and me. Her praying over me was such an amazing experience. I just cried as she prayed. Unfortnately, God had other plans for our little angel. Guess He needed a third to help mediate fights between our other two angels. :)
As of today (for the most part), I haven't been pregnant for a year. It's just crazy to think that we went from 3 pgs in one year to NOTHING. If we don't get pg this cycle, it will mean that we will have been dealing with pg/RPL/IF within FOUR calendar years before we hopefully have a baby in our arms. Ridiculous.
Other than that, I told DH today that we are on "phantom symptom watch." I only gave that up because he caught me grabbing my tits. HAha! (Note: still no sticks in the house.)
Sunday, March 15, 2009
This is kind of a sucky Show & Tell but you are finding me where I am today. Yes, desperation to become pg is here folks. It's here in full force. How, you ask? Here's how:
- I took Mucinex pre-O. Delightful CM party going on.
- DH received his first "chart observation & training" this week. He acted like he understood, but I don't think he did. Not at all.
- I made sure to respect the 20 minute elevation post-BD.
- I even
ate enjoyedgnawed the entire core of what used to be that damn pineapple yesterday. Wonder if I might be a tad allergic since the inside of my mouth began to swell a bit.
- I'm having bfp/twins/mc (in that order) dreams now. Tell you more about it later.
- I continue to grope myself throughout the day. (Note: Pinching your nipples really hard typically doesn't feel so great - pg or not.)
- I'm already checking tp. Old habits die hard.
- I've started taking deep sniffs of things to see if the smell might gross me out.
- I ate hot dogs and deli meat yesterday in case I get pg and can't have them for a while. Next - sushi.
- I'll start randomly peeing on things around the house soon just to practice. Don't worry, I'll blame the dogs.
- I might get crazy enough to buy some sticks to pee on by the end of the week.
I realize that I could've had green tea, stood on my head, used preseed, had sex hanging from the ceiling fan, and many other thing. This will have to do for now.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Dr. Katherine Gold of the University of Michigan’s Department of Obstetrics & Gynecology studies pregnancy loss (particularly stillbirth) and its effect on families, and explores how the healthcare providers might improve their response.
Dr. Gold has put together a brief web survey for mothers who frequent internet message boards and discussion groups for support—with the results, she hopes to explore the Internet and online communities as a channel to help bereaved mothers, and data from the survey will help the university to design more effective support programs.
Click here to share your voice, your story and your feedback--keeping in mind that the survey focuses on the use of message/discussion boards versus blogs, and is designed to collect quantitative data as opposed to anecdotal.
The survey is free and confidential; both the study and survey have been reviewed and approved by the University of Michigan Institutional Review Board
Although I have not experienced a late loss or stillbirth, I completed the survey in hopes that I can help other women who have experienced loss at any stage of pregnancy. Maybe you can help, too.
In order to accommodate all of my faithful readers (and because the previous layout was getting old), I once again depended on my friends at The Cutest Blog on the Block and made some updates. I hope this change works. Let me know if that fixes whatever issues were a problem!
Friday, March 13, 2009
This has been such a long road . . .
Thursday, March 12, 2009
It's kind of liberating. No pressure to poas. I can't hear them calling from the bathroom, "Come pee on me!" "Help!" "Use me!" Aaaaahhhhh. I'm stickless! Guess it's kinda funny because I don't even have crosshairs on FF, so it's not like I even need to worry about poas anyway! :)
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
As an elementary school teacher, I see children EVERY SINGLE DAY who are not being parented. Why do people have children if they don't plan to love them, parent them, and nurture their upbringing? WTH are they thinking? I could go on a long, angry tirade about it, but I'm down right now and know that I can't fix others much less own situation right now.
I just needed to get that out. God, what if we never get to have children? Tears begin to flow . . .
Monday, March 9, 2009
The rules for accepting the award are as follows:
* Put the logo on your blog or post.
* Nominate at least 10 blogs with great attitude and/or gratitude.
* Be sure to link to your nominees in your post.
* Let your nominees know they have received the award by leaving them a comment on their blog.
* Be sure to link this post to the person who nominated you for the award.
I hereby bequeath the "Sisterhood Award" to the following AMAZING women:
My list of amazing women who are full of grace and graciousness could go on & on & on, but who else would these lovely women get to nominate if I gave it to everyone?
Sunday, March 8, 2009
I have a wonderful friend named Maria, but you must know that I have never met her IRL. We "met" on a Pregnancy Loss board and have gotten to know one another through the past couple of years. She has become a great friend that provides me strength, patience, and hope. Maria understands my journey and offers me a future through her story. (Hi EJ!)
Yesterday I received what I'm calling the "Box of Hope" from Maria. The contents of this box are my future.
As you can see, the box held a bag containing vials of heparin, some needles/syringes, and even alcohol wipes. WHEN (not if) I get pregnant again, I am actually looking forward to injecting myself every day with blood thinning medication in hopes that I can sustain a pregnancy. These goodies bring me good luck, as Maria received her heparin before getting pg with her precious EJ, so now we're hoping that luck rubs off on me. :)
I knew Maria's kind plans to send her leftover liquid gold to me, but I didn't know that another thoughtful gift would be included. You can also see in the box a precious picture frame. In the sweet note that Maria wrote me, she said, "And when it (the heparin) works, use this frame to keep your weekly u/s pictures." It definitely will be used for our future u/s photos, so DH and I can look at our baby as he/she grows through the weeks.
We are hoping and praying to empty our "box of hope" and use all of its contents very soon. Thank you, Maria!
Thursday, March 5, 2009
So, not only does FF know when AF arrives, what my daily BBT shows, when I have sex with my DH, but it also knows when it's my birthday. One site knows more about me than probably anyone. I almost feel violated. Guess that comes with TTC for 2 years and getting old.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
We're going to keep trying on our own!