30 Day Blogging Challenge: Day 2

10 years from now . . .  That's such a loaded one for me!  If you would've asked me ten years ago what I'd be doing in ten years, I would've given you the white picket fence treatment.  Funny how life doesn't go as you plan.

Where I see us ten years from now is happy, content, one to two children (by some means), busy, DH working as a principal, and I'm sure I'll still be stuck in the classroom teaching. 

We will still have some furry entertainment (though the thought of Steve & Pippin gone makes me want to crawl in a hole & die).  Some improvements to the house will have been made - complete kitchen redo, new cabinets & countertops in the bathrooms, maybe a new addition to the house.

I worry so much about losing loved ones that I try not to look too far into the future.  Our jobs are secure.  Our relationship is secure.  Our family is amazing.  Our pets are awesome.

Bottom line is that in 10 years, I want us to be living the life that we are meant to live and living it to its fullest.

Infertility from A to Z

A - Age at Which you Started TTC: 39

B - Baby Dancing or Sex: Sex

C - Children Wanted: 2

D - Dogs/Cats/Fill In Babies: 2 dogs at home, 7 nieces and 3 nephews at their homes

E - Essential Oils/Vitamins: I take a prenatalvitamin, vitamin D, COQ10, POM, bromelin

F - Fertility Meds I've Taken: Femara, Menopur, Progesterone, Gonal-F, Lupron, PNV, folic acid, dexamethasone, aspirin, and probably some others I don't remember.

G - Gain, What I have Gained from Infertility: Besides a bunch of weight and a broken heart?  Hhhmmm . . .

H - HSG: Yes

I - Infertile Pet Peeve: People who open their fat mouths without knowing anything about IF.  Just STFU if you don't know what you're talking about please.

J - Job Title: Teacher

K - Kids Names you are Afraid will be Taken: At age 43, most are gone & I refuse to share my ideas just in case. 

L - Lengh of Time TTC: over 4 years

M - Miscarriages: 3

N - Number of Times you have Swiched REs: 2

O - Ovarian Quality: My ovaries are fine but basically depleted of any eggs

P - POAS or Wait for AF: Nothing like peeing on everything you can.

Q - Quote from an Obnoxious Fertile: You don't really want kids, do you?!  I'd do anything to sleep in just one day.

S - Sperm: I don't have any.  DH has plenty.

T - Time you Tried Naturally: over 1 year

U - Uterus Quality: Still there and bleeds like a mother every 28 days.

V - Vagina: Surprisingly hasn't died after all the surgeries, u/s, AFs and TTC.

W - What Baby Stuff do you Already Have: I'd have to go look at everything hidden under the bed & I refuse to do that.  I know we have a couple of outfits, bottles, formula, diaper bag, formula bag, nursing cover, maternity clothes & more

X - Xtra, Xtra, Hear all about it! How many people know about your TTC Journey: Practically everyone.

Y - Yearly Exam: Always.

Z - Zits: Think I may just get back on the pill so my skin will clear up.  It's been AWFUL except for when I was doing IVF meds.

Remembering

My friend Jen posted this on her Facebook tonight, and it made so much sense - a sense that only those who have lost a baby could understand.


"A miscarriage is a natural and common event. All told, probably more women have lost a child from this world than haven't. Most don't mention it, and they go on from day to day as if it hadn't happened, so people imagine a woman in this situation never really knew or loved what she had.

But ask her sometime: how old would your child be now? And she'll know." 

~ Barbara Kingsolver (Animal Dreams)

Do you remember?  I do - 3 years & 4 months, 3 years & 1 month, and 2 years & 4 months.

Because Everyone's Doing It

Yeah, I know . . . "If everyone jumped off a building, would you do it, too?"  The answer is maybe.  Guess it would depend on who is jumping.  :)

I first saw the 30 Days of Blogging challenege on Susan's blog.  Since then, everyone else seems to be doing it as well.  So, yes, I am jumping off a bloggy building with everyone.  Deal with it. 

Why don't you join us and do it too?!  Feel free to borrow my list and post it on your blog.  Let me know if you are taking the challenge by leaving a comment and/or linking back here, so we all can read your ramblings.



Day 1: My Current Relationship

This is easy.  I'm married to Mr. Rambler.  We've been married for four years and ten days.  We dated for almost 3 1/2 years before we married.  We shacked for a little over 2 of those years.  I went into the ugly cry when he proposed.  He's almost 6'4".  I mean, what am I really supposed to write?  Guess I better do some digging.

My DH is a man of such strong character.  He always does the right thing because it's the right thing to do.  He is by no means perfect, but he is perfect for me.  He is patient with me.  Sometimes he even thinks I'm funny (which I AM!).  He is very tender-hearted whether it always shows or not.  He LOVES Christmas.  It's all I can do to keep him away from the Christmas decor until Thanksgiving is over.  The love he shows for our pets is amazing.  I know that he will be a good father, and I hope and pray that happens.  Not only do I want a baby/family, he does as well.  I cannot wait to see him as a Daddy.  I could cry just thinking about it.

So, as I bring this ramble to a close, my current relationship is my relationship with my husband.  This is something I cherish more than anything in the world.  We are a family.  DH, me, Pippin & Steve.  We hope to enlarge that family - some way, some how.

Making Us Stronger

I found this on Marc & Angel's Hack Life Blog.  It came at a good time as I'm dealing with some anxiety coupled with snippets of grief about life and IF.  The blog post shares some very good points of "harsh truths" that many of us have learned (sometimes the hard way), need to learn, or will learn.

It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them, more manhood (or womanhood) to abide by thought-out principles rather than blind reflex. Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles and an immature mind.
- Alex Karras

16 Harsh Truths that Make Us Stronger

1. Life is not easy. – Hard work makes people lucky – it’s the stuff that brings dreams to reality.  So start every morning ready to run farther than you did yesterday and fight harder than you ever have before.  (Read The Road Less Traveled.)
2. You will fail sometimes.  – The faster you accept this, the faster you can get on with being brilliant.  You’ll never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work.  So get out there and do something!  Either you succeed or you learn a vital lesson.  Win – Win.
3. Right now, there’s a lot you don’t know. – The day you stop learning is the day you stop living.  Embrace new information, think about it and use it to advance yourself.
4. There may not be a tomorrow. – Not for everyone.  Right now, someone on Earth is planning something for tomorrow without realizing they’re going to die today.  This is sad but true.  So spend your time wisely today and pause long enough to appreciate it.
5. There’s a lot you can’t control. – Wasting your time, talent and emotional energy on things that are beyond your control is a recipe for frustration, misery and stagnation.  Invest your energy in the things you can control.
6. Information is not true knowledge. – Knowledge comes from experience.  You can discuss a task a hundred times, but these discussions will only give you a philosophical understanding.  You must experience a task firsthand to truly know it.
7. You can’t be successful without providing value. – Don’t waste your time trying to be successful, spend your time creating value.  When you’re valuable to the world around you, you will be successful.  (ReadLinchpin: Are You Indispensable?)
8. Someone else will always have more than you.  – Whether it’s money, friends or magic beans that you’re collecting, there will always be someone who has more than you.  But remember, it’s not how many you have, it’s how passionate you are about collecting them.  It’s all about the journey.
9. You can’t change the past. – As Maria Robinson once said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”  You can’t change what happened, but you can change how you react to it.
10. The only person who can make you happy is you. – The root of your happiness comes from your relationship with yourself.  Sure external entities can have fleeting effects on your mood, but in the long run nothing matters more than how you feel about who you are on the inside.
11. There will always be people who don’t like you. – You can’t be everything to everyone.  No matter what you do, there will always be someone who thinks differently.  So concentrate on doing what you know in your heart is right.  What others think and say about you isn’t all that important.  What is important is how you feel about yourself.
12. You won’t always get what you want. – As Mick Jagger once said, “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you might find you get what you need.”  Look around.  Appreciate the things you have right now.  Many people aren’t so lucky.
13. In life, you get what you put in. – If you want love, give love.  If you want friends, be friendly.  If you want money, provide value.  It really is this simple.  (Read The Four Agreements.)
14. Good friends will come and go. – Most of your high school friends won’t be a part of your college life.  Most of your college friends won’t be a part of your 20-something professional life.  Most of your 20-something friends won’t be there when your spouse and you bring your second child into the world.  But some friends will stick.  And it’s these friends – the ones who transcend time with you – who matter.
15. Doing the same exact thing every day hinders self growth. – If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.  Growth happens when you change things – when you try new things – when you stretch beyond your comfort zone.
16. You will never feel 100% ready for something new. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises.  Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means you won’t feel totally comfortable or ready for it.

And remember, trying to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.  Strength comes from being comfortable in your own skin.

Update on Refund

I sent a very concise and curt, yet polite, email to the office manager and medical director (Dr. S) of my former IVF clinic this morning.  In making my point I *may* have mentioned something about my attorney and the Better Business Bureau.  Dr. S did mention in an email forwarded to my by their administrative offices that they "do not need any negative publicity."

Miraculously enough, our check was cut this morning.  That, and Dr. S must know I have a big mouth.  :)

A New Look & a Bad Attitude

If you are using a reader, you won't be able to see what I've done, so open it up to check it out!  I decided that this old, rusty blog needed a new look.  Hope your eyes can handle it better than the last one I had.

Other than that, I am past the point of upset with Dr. S' office.  If you can remember back to December of last year (yes, that would four months ago in 2010), our IVF never happened.  We still have yet to see our refund of monies.  My bad attitude about it all will be thrown on paper in a few moments and sent to Ms. K and Dr. S..  If a check for close to $10K isn't in my hands by Wednesday, I will be forced to contact my attorney and the BBB.  We want our money back NOW.  It's bad enough that we don't have a baby, but to take our money . . . this is ridiculous.

My FIRST Baby!

Our precious boy.

Seven years ago today, my (then) boyfriend & now DH, brought home a tote bag from work.  His dog, Mackey, was very interested in that bag and began to sniff it and check it out.  Soon after, a tiny white puppy peeked out his head to meet his new brother.

I received a call at my house from my then boyfriend (this was before we were living in sin) telling me he "had a surprise."  I instantly knew what that meant.  "You got that puppy, didn't you?" I asked, wondering why in God's green Earth someone would want TWO dogs.  :)

I went over to what is now our house to meet this teensy little fellow named Steve.  He was PRECIOUS - a tiny, white, curious, sweet smelling boy with razor sharp teeth and deadly sharp claws.  My heart changed from that day on  A love for this sweet boy that I could not describe developed so quickly and intensely.  (For the record, I was falling in love with my future husband, too - ha!)  Steve and his mom had an instant bond that continues today.  With my heart so full, I can ONLY begin to imagine the kind of love a mother has for her human child.  It may sound crazy, but that's the kind of dog mom I am.

My precious baby dog was a funny, silly, naughty, crazy, energetic, sweet boy then just as he is today.  Except now his 122 pound body is a little heavier at age 7 than it was as a handful of pounds at 4.5 weeks!

Happy "Gotcha" Day, Steve.  I love you, my "tiny manz."

Steve at school with his new Dad, just before coming home for the first time.



Mom & Baby Stevie - LOVE at first sight!

Mackey (who was about 35 lbs. then) with Steve - now over 120 lbs.!

"A bath?  I just got here!" (cue sad eyes) Love the soap beard!

I loved to climb my Mom and gnaw on her tasty hair.

I could finally reach the tall food bowl.  I was now a big boy!

So True (I Hope)

We take what God gives us and we say, "Thank You," and sometimes the life we're given is better than anything we could have planned for ourselves.  ~ "4LittleDucks"