Several people know that I went to the RE (reproductive endocrinologist) a few weeks ago. I haven't said much/anything about my appointment because it felt like a blow to me. Dealing with the fact that I'm a habitual aborter has been difficult enough, but I didn't necessarily consider myself infertile. Maybe I'm both I guess. Either way Dr. Thurston, my OB/gyn, told me I could go see the RE if I wanted. I figured why not.
Everyone at Dr. Goldstein's (the RE) office was very nice. He had already gone over my records and party pics (surgery pics) and I gave him my pages of charting from the past many months. We discussed things, reviewed my detailed history, looked at possibilities for the future, and then did an u/s. At my age, I am considered AMA - advanced maternal age - or as my OB/gyn says - OLD. (Dr. T thinks he's a comedian!) My egg reserve and egg quality are questionable and depleting. The u/s didn't show much because I had already ovulated which I already knew since (thankfully) my body is like freaking clockwork. I ovulate between CD14 & 16 every cycle. I guess that's one thing my body does right. I digress . . .
Dr. G's recommendations were to go in for CD3 bloodwork to include FSH, glucose, karotyping, and some other stuff I didn't pay close attention to as they wrote up the orders. It is also recommended that I go in for a CD10 HSG and u/s to check my follicles. Todd will also go in for some blood work as well. Dr. G also recommended that after we get the results of all of this poking & prodding, we do IUI (medicated) or IVF, to the tune of anywhere from $2500 - $15,000 a pop.
STOP THE CAR. We're teachers, not money tree farmers. Yes, we desperately want a family, but crap that's a whole lotta money. And yes,, I may be insane (I know some of you are dying to verify that I am!), but I want to try one more time on our own with out any kind of intervention. Todd agrees. We know we can GET pregnant. It's the staying pregnant that we haven't mastered yet. What we don't know are the results that came from my recent surgery and how daily injections of blood thinning medications (an Rx I already have on file) might help us sustain a pregnancy.
When Todd and I talked the other night, I told him that there is a high probability that we would lose this next pregnancy. But (unfortunately), we've been through three previous losses and know how to do that. (first two losses, third loss) Even with the odds stacked against us, we want to take the chance before we move forward with the RE's plan. Granted, playing the odds in Vegas is more fun than this. Hopefully we'll fare better than we did in Vegas last year!
We know there are no guarantees. We've already learned that! Our plan is to move forward on our own with hopes and prayers of a successful pregnancy. So here we go - waiting to O, waiting for a BFP, stabbing myself with needles daily, continuing the daily pills I take, praying, constant checking of toilet paper, hoping to hurl on a constant basis (m/s!), praying some more, lots of u/s, seeing a strong heartbeat, checking toilet paper again, and then praying some more.
If our plan fails, it'll still suck like all the others, but then we have a back up. We'll just have to see what happens . . . buckle up tight and hold on for the ride. Here we go again. (Was that my heart dropping that you just heard????)