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Monday, August 9, 2010

Back from San Francisco

. . . and it's hotter than hell here ! I went from sleeping with the windows open and wearing a jacket during the day in California to walking into a wall of fire regardless of the hour here in Dallas. Oh well. Home is home and I'm glad to be back.  We really missed our pets and our own bed.

On the IF front, I feel like I don't know where we are anymore. Cycle 40 is underway, but I'm thinking I'm going to O wwaaayyyy earlier than usual.  We'll give it the "old college try" (how freaking stupid is that statement for an IFer?!) and see what happens.

I've been fighting with bouts of jealousy and despair.  I'm not jealous of women who are pregnant & have children, but I am extremely envious of their situations.  I find myself irritated with strangers and friends alike.  Jealous of anything from a pg belly to someone who already has a child that beats me in a game on FB to someone else complaining about their kids.  But then, I think of when we were in Monterey and I offered to take the photo of a couple who obviously were on their babymoon.  When she said, "Make sure you get the belly!" I didn't even kick her in the head or toss her into the ocean.  Hopefully the birds at least shit on her.  SEE????  It's all really pretty irrational.  I feel like I can't win for losing, so it's just something I need to deal with for now.

I also flounder from "forget this shit" to "I'm going to die if I don't have a baby."  Do I keep going and see if we get a baby, or do I go ahead & give up and take the childless route.  How whack is that?  I truly feel like a nutjob sometimes.  I'm sure I sound like one, too.  :)

I'll be updating our blog later with all sorts of vacation stuff, so feel free to drop over there if you so desire.  Until then, I'll continue being insane.  At least that's one thing on which we can all depend.

7 comments:

A said...

It is okay to be insane :) glad you had a good trip! We're back to the old college try, too- sort of unimaginable, but what the heck, you know?

The Writer Chic said...

I'm sorry I just complained about Seth on FB.... =(

I love you.

江仁趙雲虹昆 said...

友誼能增進快樂,減少痛苦......................................................................

Jen said...

Hugs.

Kristin B said...

Keep fighting!!!! I can't wait to see a happy ending for you.

(On a totally personal and borderline rude note, my RE was insistant that having a 'normal' BMI was imperative in getting pregnant. Not sure what yours is. Sorry for the very unsolicited advice).

You'll get there! :)

Kristin B said...

sorry that comment went through so many times-my computer is being strange!

Maria (MKC101103) said...

I had WAY too much so say so I sent you an email :)

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