What I've Done

I'm cheating and borrowing from Ashley Ann at Ash Rants for this post.  Everything below in bold, I've done.  I would like to do many more than I have!  Copy this on to your own blog & bold the things you’ve done if you like.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland (Disney World)
8. Climbed a mountain 
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo (Car & shower don't count, right?  Oh, it means in front of other people, huh?!)
11. Bungee jumped (Will NEVER do this.)
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run (I suck at baseball.)
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been a passenger on a motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve
86. Visited the White House (Driven by it, but I don't think that counts.)
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Got a tattoo
94. Had a baby (Well, isn't this a funny one?)
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

Goodbye

After a long and excruciating internal battle, I made the decision last night to put my cat, Mindy, to sleep today.  She was getting weaker by the minute, and I did not want her to suffer needlessly.  I first adopted Mindy as a tiny six-week old little girl over eighteen years ago.

I held her and was with her until after she was gone.  We spent some alone time this morning - just Mindy and her Mama - with me holding her, loving her, talking to her, stroking her fur, and crying over her.  I gave her a couple of teaspoons of ice cream, which she delightfully ate.  Then, I held her as I blanketed her in a comfy towel and drove to the vet's office.  For the first time EVER, she did not move, cry, or make a sound while in the car.  The doctor took Mindy back and put a little catheter in her leg.  When the doctor brought her back to me, I cradled my blanketed little baby and spoke sweetly to her while the doctor injected the meds that let her sleep peacefully for good.

I am now devastated by her absence and can't believe she is gone.


My awesome friend, Joyce, sent me this poem which gives me some peace as I grieve.  Thanks again, Joyce.

When The Time Comes

If I should be that I grow frail and weak And pain should keep me from my sleep, Then will you do what must be done, For this--the last battle--can't be won. You will be sad I understand But don't let grief then stay your hand, For on this day, more than the rest, Your love and friendship must stand the test. We have had so many happy years, You wouldn't want me to suffer so. When the time comes, Please, let me go. Take me to where my needs they'll tend, Only, stay with me till the end And hold me firm and speak to me Until my eyes no longer see. I know in time you will agree It is a kindness you do to me. Although my tail its last has waved, From pain and suffering I have been saved Don't grieve that it must be you Who has to decide this thing to do; We've been so close--we two-- these years, Don't let your heart hold any tears. Author Unknown

Your Turn

It's Spring Break and my plan is to relax.  Since I'll be so busy trying to relax, then I can't come up with any blogging ideas.  Therefore, all of you get to take over.  Ask me questions or give me random topics, and I promise to do some rambling.  If you provide, then I will fulfill to the best of my ability (albeit pathetic of late!).

Go ahead . . . It's your turn.

Four Years Ago Today

We said, "I do."  

And, boy, have we!  DH and I have been through more in our four years than most married couples experience in decades or even a lifetime - miscarriage, infertility, becoming caretaker to a parent, losing family and friends, losing a beloved pet, home renovations, family emergencies, surgeries, stress, job changes, and more.  However, I can't imagine going through any of it without my husband.

Even though we've been through a lot, there is more ahead of us.  Our story is still in . . .

Used? No. Abused? Maybe.

An infertility board I frequent had a post today that made me think about thinks and respond in what may be an unpopular way.  Don't know if my view is different than others, but I don't really care.  The question posed on the forum asked something to the effect of this --- If women (regulars) on the board felt used by some women who rarely frequent the board and offer little support but may often ask for help/ask questions.  I responded with my little diatribe below:

After my long shittay day, I'm just getting to catch up on today's posts.  In response to the basic question, my answer is NO.  I do not feel used.  For some ladies, this may be the only resource they have for information.  I don't care if they have 5 posts or 5000 posts.  Without getting religious here, I feel like part of the reason I'm going through all of this crap is to help others in the same situation.

Now, if it's some drive-by bfp, then those ladies can just go fvck themselves for being stupid, rude, and insensitive.  The thought that a bunch of women  struggling with IF would be overjoyed for a complete stranger, then that's just craziness.

I've been at this for what will be four years next week.  I've been through hell and back and through it again (as most of us have).  I was around before we championed the start of this board, and I'm still here.  Yes, I wish I weren't, but there isn't a whole lot I can do about it outside of tons of money I don't have for a GC or by stealing a baby.

We are all at different points in our own journeys, and who am I to judge who "needs" the most support?  I don't need more friends (I have a ton); I've been in a sorority; I went through high school, and all of that stuff.  While, yes, there are some circles of women that are closer than others, that's life.  People are going to click with some better than others.  We are all adults here & I would only expect that behavior.  If someone comes here in hopes of getting answers that we can't give them, then so be it.  They can go ahead and call me (us) mean and bitter.  I can't give someone a baby any more than I can make one myself.  IMHO, it's all in the approach of what one says and how it is said it.  I'm not a b|tch until you piss me off and hurt those I love.

This may come across as a bit crass, but that's okay. I'm not angry or upset by this post.  Maybe I'm just old, bitter, and jaded.  I know what my future holds and know that my dreams may not come true.  However, if I can help other ladies with questions, support, thoughts, resources, or whatever they need, I'll do what I can in the time I have available.  That makes it almost a little worth it to be on this sucky road.  /diatribe  /soapbox

As I said to another member of that board who is an IRL friend, "(Am I) bitter much?  Probably.  Do I like wine?  Definitely."   Let's focus on what's important here, people!  :)