Need to Post

For days, I've had a post brewing in my head about my anxiety level and my (already) nervousness about this next cycle. I'm already playing the "what if" game in my head - everything from actually walking through the baby department at Target (which I don't do) to not good what ifs (won't go there right now).

Can't I just go to sleep and wake up with a successful, viable pregnancy that ends with a healthy baby?

Didn't think so.

More Quotes for Strength

I added a few more quotes to my collection of Quotes for Strength. Check them out when you can or whenever you need them. There's a link on the sidebar as well.

Good hair = bad skin

ARGH!!!! I have spots, dots, zits, acne, bumps, knots, & other stuff all over my face. It's not just my face. It's suddenly my neck, my shoulder, my back, my arm, my jaw, my ear. WTH is up, hormones?

I hope it doesn't get worse before it gets better. Whacked out hormones suck. I miss my beautiful (what I thought was bad) bcp skin. Oh well . . . who needs self-esteem anyway?

The Little Things

I was bored today, so I straightened my hair. Good news! It is officially long enough to put it up using a pencil! This is a huge deal for me. After losing most of my hair from the after-effects of m/c #1, it's taken for.ev.er to grow out.

I'm currently sitting here with a wooden skewer in my hair. Sometimes it's just the little things. Woohoo!

Clueless

I'm starting to think that I'm clueless. In fact, I'm sure that I'm clueless. Maybe not completely clueless; however, I'm a bit weirded out about all of this upcoming AI stuff.


First of all, I have to figure out what day AF truly begins. With my jacked-up body of late, I'll sometimes spot/lightly bleed at least a few days before she truly arrives. What if I pick the wrong day? What if I miscount? I can count to 5, but when I'm on summer break, it gets a bit shaky after that. My timing better be right, so I know when to go in for my follie check. What if I screw up the days, and screw up the damn whole thing? That would be my luck ya know.

Secondly, I have to take meds on specific days. You've seen my drug lab before, so I'm hoping that I can simply add the meds to my established routine. If I have to take a specific medication at a specific time, I'm screwed. I'm notorious for forgetting to take my meds. Hopefully I'll have more of a reason to remember now.

Believe it or not, I have no idea how to use OPKs. Not a clue! I'm sure it's not rocket science - and I LOVE to pee on sticks - so it shouldn't be a problem. I hate reading directions though. Hopefully it's just pee, look for smiley, try not to pretend that I'm using an hpt every day, repeat. Right? Honestly, I had to email my friend, Sarah, to see what I needed to do. What a relief for Sarah that she & her DH are waiting for their Precious Payton, so no sticks for her anymore! I'm sure that poasing is a hard habit to shake. ;)

Then again, will I freak out when I get the smiley? I'll have to call in to work that day - luckily it should be the week before the students start school. Help DH with his part of the deal, send him off to work, race to the lab while remembering to keep the goods warm, wait wait wait, go to IUI, elevate, elevate, elevate, and then wait wait wait some more.

Then there's the P4. If it's low from my CD21 test, I'll have to be on progesterone. Please Lord, just give me a patch instead of another pill. Did you know that I couldn't swallow pills until I was a teenager. I know both of my sisters are reading this and laughing. It's true though. Amazing how I can take a dozen a day without issue. See what age can do for you?

I have other worries in addition to these, but I'll start here first. At least I have a little less than couple of weeks to freak out about this stuff. Then I can start on the others. Enough rambling for today. Much more to come - believe me, there's more.

What IF Can Do to You

Jump on over to my other blog to see what I've become . . . you'll enjoy laughing at me!

Feeling the Love

I appreciate all of the sweet comments and messages about our new venture with a cup and a turkey baster. I'm excited, nervous, hesitant, eager, scared shitless, ready to go, and ready to run. Make sense? Good.

Today I was a guest blogger for my bloggy friend, Jen, if you'd like to check it out. True to form, I rambled away. I'm sure that I bored/scared/lost just about everyone who read it. Most likely, her readership has crashed and burned thanks to me. Oops. Maybe I can make it up to her by letting her guest blog here someday. Doubt she'd be willing. :) Go by and give Jenny a shout out. She's had a more than her share of crappy this year, and can always use some of that love you always give me.

Another Plan

We have a plan. A new plan. Another plan. A plan that I can't number anymore because I've lost count! So . . . DH and I visited Dr. T and Nurse Excellent today after months of not getting pregnant. (It's been over 16 months since I was last pg!) I was prepared to hear Dr. T tell me that we were headed to the OR again, and I spent some time on the way there preparing DH for the same.

When we got there, I warned Nurse Excellent that I forgot to take my bp meds this morning. She wouldn't let Dr. T talk to me while she was taking the reading for fear he'd make me talk or laugh. My blood pressure was way up (some # over 105), and we won't talk about how my weight is up as well. Fatass. But I ramble digress.

As DH and I enter Dr. T's office and sit down, the three of us began to review my history. Of course, DH quickly becomes lost in the acronyms and terms we were so casually throwing around. I asked DH if he had any questions, and he said, "Uh . . . well . . . yeah." Guess he doesn't read this blog - which is a good thing! - or he'd be better versed on his TTC/RPL/TTTC vernacular.

Anyway . . . we have a PLAN. Yes, ANOTHER PLAN.

No surgery!!! Dr. T read more into my HSG & MRI results from earlier this year and doesn't see the need for it. Plus, he feels the risks would outweigh the benefits. Whew! I wasn't really thrilled at the thought of tearing my uterus open to do another cleaning again.

Instead, we (well, I) will take Femara from CD 3-7, use OPKs (never done those before), CD 12-14 sono/follie check, IUI, then CD 21 vampiring for P4. I have been informed by DH that I *will* be helping with his end of the deal. Guess he feels that I need to be involved in the whole process since he probably won't even be there for the IUI. Dr. T made a joke that men will eventually be replaced by the new sperm that were developed, and soon they will become extinct. ;) But I ramble digress again.

I was told there will be NO charting, temping, checking CM, Mucinex, evening primrose oil, pineapple core, pom juice, or anything else like that. We have been instructed to take the "chill out route." No problem here. I can pee on sticks and not temp anymore! Dr. T said to abstain a couple of days before the IUI, so the boys can build up. Then Dr. T shared, "When I say we, I mean you guys. Not me. But then again my wife had back surgery and can't move well." Do you kinda see how these appointments go now? :)

Oh, the PLAN. Femara . . . OPKs . . . IUI. Hopefully a baby. We're doing IUI and praying to God that it all works. Ta-dum.

Show and Tell

Many people tell me that I'll be in trouble when I actually have children. You see, I'm a photo freak. I LOVE PICTURES. Since our wedding over two years ago, I've become a bit slack in the photo-taking department. I'm working on getting back to my typical shutterbug self.

For now, I take a shitton amount of photos of my babies - my pets. People pull out pics of their kids, I pull out pics of my dogs. I'm okay being the crazy, infertile woman that carries around pics of her cat and dogs. Gotta take what you can get!

Yesterday I took the dogs to run errands with me. THEY LOVED IT. We went by my Dad's office to pick up something. They got treats. We went to the bank to get money for the maid. They got treats. We drove thru to get me some lunch. They got treats. Of course, I took over a dozen photos during our hour run!

Since I'm sure you were wondering, the bank is always their favorite. The two big dogs start to whine as we pull up to the drive in tellers. Pippin & Steve watch the carriers zip through the tubes. Yesterday as we were waiting, I noticed Steve staring at a man in the lane next to us. This poor man had his carrier & I think Steve was waiting for his treat from the man. :)

Without further adieu . . . my Show & Tell . . . my babies.


Mackey gets the front seat because Steve's an asshole & steps on him he's the oldest. Think I need to get him a pillow, so it'll be easier for him to stand and see out the window.

Sweet Pippin. She's always so good in the car. She likes to stick her head out the windows and let her hair blow in the wind.


And then there's Steve. He's usually not well-behaved in the car but he's damn cute. I thought at one point he was stuck in the floorboard behind my seat. That is until I figured out he was sitting right in front of the vents in the back. Rotten.

Be sure to check out the rest of Mel's Show and Tell. I know that you won't see any other photos of such cute dogs, but you might enjoy something else. :)