Remembering

I'm missing my three babies more than usual this week. Maybe it's because of today, maybe it's because of the unknown, or maybe it's because I cut my happy pill dosage in half, but it is for sure because I miss the babies I never got to meet or see or hold or smell or carry or watch grow up. It's so difficult to explain how you can miss someone you have never met. The only people who truly understand are the ladies who have experienced it. And for that - for all of you - I am thankful.

I don't understand why God has chosen this path for me. I don't like it, and I don't want it. However, here I am. All I can do is try to follow my path and pray that it leads to us having a baby of our own. As I say as a part of my daily prayer, "Lord, please heal my body so we can create a baby that I can carry to term and deliver healthy, so we can raise your little angel here on Earth for you."

I miss you and love you, my babies. I'm sorry that I failed you. I hope your Grannys and your Mary are rocking you for me now. I still wish that it was me though.