I have all sorts of thoughts in my mind and feelings in my heart. However, I'm having a difficult time sorting through them all and expressing them. I think I'm just REALLY VERY EXTREMELY tired. Infertility has worn my ass out.
In one way, I want to quit. End the game. Say never mind. On the other hand, I want to fight like a warrior to have a baby. Desire vs. Stamina. The desire is still there, but the stamina is almost gone.
In the past few days, I went to an IVF seminar and met again with Dr. T. The plan w/ Dr. T right now is Femara/hcg trigger/IUI. We have an IVF consult later next month. The conflict comes from the fact there really isn't any money left to pay for any of it.
I just really don't know what to do or what will happen from here. The only thing I know is that I still want us to have a family. That will never go away. I also know that I'm physically and emotionally tired and still trying to pray. There is always the constant tug of war between my heart, my body, and my wallet.
Wondering which will win? So am I.