Certifiable?

Last night, DH and I completed our agency-required Infant CPR class.  I can about guaran-damn-tee you we were the only parents-to-be out of 20 people in that class who had to complete the class to bring home our baby!  At least we got some baby handling experience even though most of the "babies" needed some craniofacial work done (especially jawless, cyborg baby in the top left of the pic).   All of the babies were very still and quiet.  Just like any normal baby, right???   :)

It's been over three months since we went live with the agency, so we are waiting . . . and trying to be patient.

The Gall of it All

Well, as you know, my gall bladder had to be ripped out of my already sore body. It took several days post-op to feel human again. After about a week, I was able to lean on my right side when sitting against pillows, have a little more energy, and do some things for myself.

I am now sporting three new incision marks in addition to a totally racked belly button.  Two incisions are on my right side towards the outer edge of my ribs and the other is a larger incision near the bottom of my sternum.  Here's what the ugly gall bladder looked like before being cut out, clamped off, and sucked out of my body.

My actual surgery was scheduled for 10:30 and I don't think they took me into the OR until around 2:30. Made for a very long day getting only IV fluids for food! I was told that when I went into recovery, my blood pressure was all over the place and I was not happy. I do remember being in pain and tears at one point.

Finally got into my room later that evening and relied heavily on the pain pump that delivered Dilaudid to me throughout the night. Man, that is some crazy stuff. I was so doped up that I don't remember a lot of stuff other than pushing that pump button every thirty minutes.  In the night, I would wake up thinking I missed my thirty minute "push" only to realize that I had been asleep for only ten minutes.  I was becoming a junkie!  And with my uterus gone, I couldn't even become a corner cra.ckwh.ore and get pregnant! :)

Any time I needed to go to the bathroom, I had to call the nurse because I was attached to leg compression cuffs, the blood pressure cuff, a pulse oximeter, my IV, and nasal canula for oxygen.  With all of the fluid being pumped into my body, it was quite a show to undo everything enough to get me to the bathroom every couple of hours.  My nurse and the nurse aide were both from Nigeria, so between their thick accents and my new drug addiction, I couldn't understand shit of what was being said half the time.

They almost kept me a second day because my bp was so low, my oxygen was below 90, I was having some bleeding/oozing from my wounds, and I had a fever. I was finally sprung anyway and got home late Thursday afternoon/evening to get settled in for another week or more of sitting on my ass watching crappy TV.

I'm still working to learn what my body can and cannot handle with food. The soreness is slowly subsiding but I have to continue to be careful. My belly button is suffering the most, but I won't get into it all because it's kinda gross. Let's just say it's still requires bandaging. I can say that this surgery was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I think after my hysterectomy that my body was just spent and still sore. I've decided: No more surgery for me. I'm done with it!

Now . . . where's my baby????????????

My Favorite New Question

Q:  "What is the date of your last menstrual cycle?"

A:  Huh????  :)

Had my gall bladder out.  Will blog about that fun later.

Repeat Repeat Repeat

Scans are back.  Must have my gall bladder removed asap.

FML.

Friday's Scans

Went on Friday for my pelvic, abdominal, and transvag u/s & I don't know anything yet.  I do know that I'm still having definite pain on my right side - mainly on the right-hand side of my ribs.  The sonographer spent a lot of time capturing views of my liver and gall bladder.  She pressed on one spot and it did NOT feel good.  Of course, as a worrier, I then began to silently freak that I had spots of cancer on my liver, that I have liver cancer, that I am going to die, that my husband will become a widower, my dogs won't have their Mom, and that we will never be able to adopt a baby if I'm dead.  It was all I could do not to cry.  Finally, I got myself in check as she finished the sonos.  I'm still a bit worried, though.

Though I told her I could probably do it myself, I didn't look during the transvaginal u/s because I've become so accustomed to seeing the dark, desolate inside of my uterus that I was worried I might freak that there wasn't even a uterus to see (much less ever a baby).  Just for affirmation and self-entertainment, I asked the sonographer if there were any reproductive parts left in there to which she quickly answered, "Nope!"  No lady parts, just something that is still causing me pain.  What next???

After explaining to my mom the details of my scans, she said, "Well you may need your gall bladder out."  I swear if they have to go inside of me again, I'll have them gut me.  I have neither the time nor the desire to be stabbed or cut again.  No thank you.  I'm really looking forward to this blog becoming a "HEY look at my cute new baby!" blog vs. "HEY it's me again . . . still bitching, whining, moaning, and complaining."

Someday, my friends . . . . . . . someday.

Not him!

After speaking with Nurse Amazing today, I went to see Dr. Terrific about the pain I'm still experiencing post-op.  We aren't sure what is causing the pain so after commenting, "You just always have to be the complicated one," (or something like that), Dr. T wrote orders for me to have abdominal and pelvic u/s tomorrow.  There's even a possibility that I'll have to hang out with the dildo cam again.  Not him again!  I thought I was done with the vag cam.

I just want the pain gone, so I'll meet with whatever instrument/implement necessary.

Don't Quit

Saw this today & LOVED it!  I will add it to my Quotes for Strength page linked above.

"Don't quit before your miracle.  When you're in the trenches of a transformation, it is hard to see your miracle coming."  ~ Karen Salmansohn

Dear Dr. T

In case you are reading this tonight from your fancy iPad, I am standing by my previous response in relation to missing my parts with a resounding "NO!!"  However, the sword fight that occurred on my right side is still killing me.  Be excited, because I'll be calling you tomorrow.

Sincerely,
The One Still in Pain  :/

Subtle Mind-Reading

Me to DH:  "Honey, on my way home today I figured out that we don't have a baby yet because God knows we don't have a place for it to sleep."

DH: "Okay.  Are you trying to say something?"

Me: "Nope.  We don't even have a way to get baby home anyway."

:)  Men call it mind-reading.  We call it subtle hints.

How The Tables Turn

At dinner last night, I told DH we really need to buy the baby basics.  His reply?

"Mmm . . . I dunno."

HUH?

When I asked him what he meant, he said, "Well, you know, I just worry about karma."

Who is this cool-footed man eating dinner with me?  Isn't he the one who mentioned adoption YEARS ago?  Is he not the one who thought this was a great idea because he was worried about me and my mental & physical health?  Oh, how the tables have turned.

So, in true faithful, hopeful fashion I shared with him what our agency owner said to me, "Oh honey . . . we're adopting.  Everyone gets a baby!  It'll be okay."

And dammit, I want to order baby stuff.  NOW.  :)