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Wednesday, December 14, 2011

How did you know?

:: taps microphone::  Is anyone even reading this thing anymore??  Let me know you're out there if you are!
Someone posted a question on an adoption forum that I read asking, "At what point did you decide enough was enough?"  It took me an instant to respond.  Here is what I said:

"We tried for over four years to get pg. After three m/c, thousands upon thousands of dollars, six medicated cycles, three failed IUIs and one failed IVF, my body and my heart told me we were done. (gave her link to this blog for background) I had to deal with the grief that I will never carry and deliver a child because that is a biological need I have always felt. Honestly, I was not interested in even discussing adoption for a very long time while DH was ready from the beginning.

However, I now feel this amazing sense of hope and feel more than elated and comfortable that we ARE going to be parents. The biological aspect is such a minute part of what truly makes a family. When/if I lurk on the IF forums/boards, I often think about these poor girls that are so stressed out and putting their bodies and hearts through so much while I'm so excited about being a mommy!  I've even started shopping for baby stuff and can look at baby stuff without breaking into an emotional mess.

So . . . you may or may not just "know" when you're ready.  After our last cycle failed and I knew a bio child would not happen, I found a counselor through RESOLVE. I only met with her a couple of times, but all I needed to was to talk to someone who truly understood. Then, I was able to move forward.

Hope that doesn't all sound like a rambling mess, but I know in my heart and have faith that we will be parents soon and God has an amazing future for us and our family.  GL to you!"

Could we have tried IVF again?  Probably not.  I was on the strongest protocol available (i.e., most amount of medication one can take), and I didn't even produce one viable egg for retrieval.

Could we have gone with donor eggs?  Probably.  It was recommended by the RE.

So . . . why didn't we go with DE? I got to the point that I couldn't trust my body (still can't/don't). It hasn't worked for me time and time again, so I found it stupid to spend all that money and put all of my hope into something that my past history had shown probably wouldn't work. Now knowing what I know about my jacked (and soon to be removed) bum ute, I am so thankful that we didn't even make the attempt.

Don't know if I ever really discussed here as what got us to "that point" - the end of our TTC road. Feel free to ask me any questions that you have though.


Sarah said...

I'm here :)

Trish said...

I;m alwsys here... and support your journey!

cjdubs13 said...

I have been following for awhile and can't wait to read about your journey. Adoption is amazing and it changed our lives forever. Once we made that decision to stop IF treatments and procedures and adopt, it lifted a huge weight off my shoulders and a different type of stress came- an excited stress!!

michelle7250 said...

i'm here!

Stephanie said...

I'm here.

Cathryn's Closet said...

I am here. I am happy to hear your journey.

MISTY and CO... said...

Whooooooo hooooooooo!!!!!! You guys are an amazing couple. Can't wait to watch your family grow!!!

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