Nothing to Report

Man, this blog is getting repetitive.  TTC, AF, rinse, repeat.  That red-headed slut showed again today, and I'm not surprised.  Between my broken out skin, spotting for three days, my little allergy "incident" and our timing, I didn't think we'd be able to conceive this cycle anyway.  So . . . on to cycle #41.  I'm not disappointed or sad or frustrated or anything like that.  I'm just kinda done in a used to it way.

I attended the funeral of my BFF's brother last week, the sister of a friend was murdered over the weekend, school started with the kids on Monday, and I got in a wreck yesterday.  Needless to say, I am SPENT.  Sleep is a commodity, energy is tapping the reserves, and the wine is running out around here!

Even though it's been tough, I have a surprisingly good attitude.  I know things could be so much worse.  Here's to praying it doesn't get that way!

Infertility E-Class

Through my IF online board, I learned of an Infertility E-Class being offered.  Sounds like a great idea!  I've registered.  Won't you join too?

August 19th Day of Hope

http://august19thdayofhope.blogspot.com/

 

In Case There was a Chance

If there was a chance of me getting pregnant this cycle, I think that plan was thwarted on Wednesday.  Here's what happened.

Please Note

I've had TONS of comments left that are in an Asian language unknown by me.  If I can't read your comment in English, I will reject it.  Sorry, but I am not taking the chance of a virus infecting my computer.

Back from San Francisco

. . . and it's hotter than hell here ! I went from sleeping with the windows open and wearing a jacket during the day in California to walking into a wall of fire regardless of the hour here in Dallas. Oh well. Home is home and I'm glad to be back.  We really missed our pets and our own bed.

On the IF front, I feel like I don't know where we are anymore. Cycle 40 is underway, but I'm thinking I'm going to O wwaaayyyy earlier than usual.  We'll give it the "old college try" (how freaking stupid is that statement for an IFer?!) and see what happens.

I've been fighting with bouts of jealousy and despair.  I'm not jealous of women who are pregnant & have children, but I am extremely envious of their situations.  I find myself irritated with strangers and friends alike.  Jealous of anything from a pg belly to someone who already has a child that beats me in a game on FB to someone else complaining about their kids.  But then, I think of when we were in Monterey and I offered to take the photo of a couple who obviously were on their babymoon.  When she said, "Make sure you get the belly!" I didn't even kick her in the head or toss her into the ocean.  Hopefully the birds at least shit on her.  SEE????  It's all really pretty irrational.  I feel like I can't win for losing, so it's just something I need to deal with for now.

I also flounder from "forget this shit" to "I'm going to die if I don't have a baby."  Do I keep going and see if we get a baby, or do I go ahead & give up and take the childless route.  How whack is that?  I truly feel like a nutjob sometimes.  I'm sure I sound like one, too.  :)

I'll be updating our blog later with all sorts of vacation stuff, so feel free to drop over there if you so desire.  Until then, I'll continue being insane.  At least that's one thing on which we can all depend.

Cycle #40

Cycle #40 began today after a few days of some definite phantom symptoms that almost gave me some hope.  While I am disappointed in yet another bfn, I've been able to find the positives.  Right now we are vacationing in gorgeous Northern California, and I'm sitting here getting my drink on before getting in the hot tub tonight.  Couldn't have done that with a bfp, huh?

I will say that if the number of cycles it takes us to get pg exceeds my age, we will have a problem.

One Day

I saw this on the IF forum which I frequent & wanted to share it with those of you who haven't yet seen it.  If you have, it's okay if you read it again.  :)

ONE DAY


One Day I will no longer look forward to treatments,

I won’t have to inject myself, or take another set of pills.

Infertility won’t haunt my daily thoughts,

My hopes won’t be crushed after every cycle,

I won’t cry inside when I hear a friend is pregnant,

Or when my period comes, inevitably, every month,

I won’t constantly hunt for information,

Or try to decipher the “signals” that my body is sending me,

Or wonder if something I eat, drink, do, see, think could prevent pregnancy,

AND

One Day I will be the one with two lines,

Scared every day to lose a life inside of me,

Experiencing morning sickness,

Swollen, painful breasts, Swollen ankles, Fatigue,

And the joy of becoming rounder everyday,

I will discuss pregnancy and motherhood with other women as an equal,

I will hear a heart beating inside me that is not my own,

I will see a tiny “bean” grow into a Baby on ultrasound,

I will buy tiny clothes, cribs, strollers, car seats,

I will prepare a nursery fit for royalty,

One Day I will feel contractions grip my body,

And feel the anticipation of meeting my Little One,

And rush to the hospital,

We will be nervous,

And we will get through this too…together,

And we will meet Our Baby…our precious, beautiful Baby.

We will count ten fingers and toes,

We will wonder who he/she looks like,

We will finally announce the arrival of our baby to our families,

And we will take Our Baby home,

To the nursery fit for royalty,

And count our blessings,

And cuddle our Little One endlessly,

And know how truly, truly blessed we are.

I believe that one day we will have all this, and more.

Not much to report.

  

DH and I just returned from a trip to Batlanta to take care of some family business and see a plethora of friends.  Of course, during our travels the O fairy arrived with tons of post-op EWCM.  Doubt we'll see any positive results from that experience.  And, ATL friends, if for some random reason you are reading this, don't worry - your home wasn't used for our efforts.  :)  Therefore, our daughters will not be named Georgia, Mary Etta, or anything like that.  Whew!

Awards Time!

I know some ladies who are getting "Back in the Saddle" and need to be awarded for it!

The Back in the Saddle Award

Background: This award is given to bloggers that are "Back in the Saddle" of life. This may be someone who is undergoing medical treatments, restarting life, resurfacing after a tragedy, or someone who is just trying to sport a new attitude. Recipients have an attitude of a fighter, strive to be a winner of the battle, and show determination.

Rules: Post the award's graphic, background, and rules on your blog. Explain how you are "Back in the Saddle" again, and then pass the award on to at least four other bloggers who are "Back in the Saddle" just like you. Make sure you let them know that they have been given this award, and ask them to pass it on.
 
Maria, Baby Bump Bound, Two Week Wait, LMC, & JackieMac . . . this is for you!