I am still here - mainly on two feet, but sometimes crawling or in the fetal position - but I'm still here. I'm mad, but I'm mostly just really sad. After Friday's dismal appointment with Dr. S, I've fallen apart and gotten myself back together again. I survived the third anniversary of my first EDD. That three year old we should have is not here. It never will be and another may never be. We don't know that yet, but it really feels that way.
We've been dealt a hand that absolutely sucks. It will be a complete miracle if we are able to have a biological child using my eggs. I'll share more with you later as I'm able, but right now I'm processing everything that has happened (on my own, with DH, and with an awesome new therapist) and trying to figure out how to abandon my old dream and create new.
I will admit that I have spent time on this blog making sure that my readers enjoy what I say. Right now, this blog will be about me and only me. It probably won't be "entertaining" (as if it ever was), but that is what I need right now. At this point, I simply have nothing to give anyone but myself and my husband.
Thanks for all the kind comments, emails, calls, texts, and messages from everyone near & far. I've heard from family, friends, blog peeps, online buddies, and complete strangers. Your words have meant a lot to me. I know that I will be okay and my marriage will be okay, but life as I planned and dreamed it may become very different. I am just hoping and praying that it is a different that can still create and hold love, joy, fulfillment, and happiness for both of us.