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Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Still Here

I am still here - mainly on two feet, but sometimes crawling or in the fetal position - but I'm still here.  I'm mad, but I'm mostly just really sad.  After Friday's dismal appointment with Dr. S, I've fallen apart and gotten myself back together again.  I survived the third anniversary of my first EDD.  That three year old we should have is not here.  It never will be and another may never be.  We don't know that yet, but it really feels that way.

We've been dealt a hand that absolutely sucks.  It will be a complete miracle if we are able to have a biological child using my eggs.  I'll share more with you later as I'm able, but right now I'm processing everything that has happened (on my own, with DH, and with an awesome new therapist) and trying to figure out how to abandon my old dream and create new.

I will admit that I have spent time on this blog making sure that my readers enjoy what I say.  Right now, this blog will be about me and only me.  It probably won't be "entertaining" (as if it ever was), but that is what I need right now.  At this point, I simply have nothing to give anyone but myself and my husband.

Thanks for all the kind comments, emails, calls, texts, and messages from everyone near & far.  I've heard from family, friends, blog peeps, online buddies, and complete strangers.  Your words have meant a lot to me.  I know that I will be okay and my marriage will be okay, but life as I planned and dreamed it may become very different.  I am just hoping and praying that it is a different that can still create and hold love, joy, fulfillment, and happiness for both of us.


NoVaIrish said...

Love you, K. I'll be thinking of and praying for you guys.

AmandaMqn said...

Take all the time you need to make it all about you, we understand. I'm thinking about you and sending you all my love and gigantic ::hugs::

Marsha said...

Praying that life will be more than what you've dreamed it to be. Love you, friend.

Janna said...

Praying that however you decide to procede will bring peace and contentment to your heart!!

Anonymous said...

Love you sweetie...big hugs.

ghost woman said...

You dear sweet child, you have so much love to give. and you are sharing your grief with the world, much more than I could ever do. I won't give you all the quips about well if it was meant to be etc. etc. or when it is time it will happen, what I will tell you is that you and your DH have a foundation for any family. You will weather this storm and come out the other side a wiser and stronger woman than you ever thought possible. God Bless you and your family.
Ms Dorothy Sullenberger Kingsley

Adeline said...

Hang in there. Still thinking about you and praying for you!

WiseGuy said...

Hugs, Kekis. Giant Panda Hugs.

Brooke said...

I'm so sorry Kristin. I have also had to reevaluate my life and dreams and the control that I thought I had over any of those things. Take all the time you need to grieve. It's important. But I do believe that your life, even if it goes down a different path, will hold love, joy, fulfillment, and happiness!

Not Just Another Mother Blogger! said...

I am so very sorry. I have been in your shoes and it is a terrible place to be. It truly is an abyss. Give yourself all the time you need to heal and don't worry about what the rest of the world might think. We'll get over it.

Juicy said...



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