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Wednesday, February 4, 2009

On the Edge

Remember yesterday when I wondered at what point I would lose it? Well, I'm getting closer.

DH is going out of town on Friday to deal with his batcrazy mother. He'll be gone almost a week. I understand that it is imperative that he go and take care of things. This will hopefully alleviate some issues and provide her a safe place.

Why would you think that might send me over the edge? At first I thought, "Gosh, I HATE being alone in the house, especially at night." Then I thought, "Well, maybe I can really get some cleaning done and focus on relaxing." I then smiled a bit and decided that I don't have to go to the grocery store until this weekend now. After that I wondered, "Will he be here for Valentine's Day? And what about when our new furniture gets delivered and AT&T comes to install our new stuff?"

And that's when it hit me. He'll be gone almost a week. The week that I will ovulate. We won't be getting pregnant this month. We have one more month to get pg in order to have a baby in 2009. March is the same month we got pregnant - on our honeymoon. We had our first BFP almost two years ago. We lost our first angel almost two years ago.

I somehow made it through my staff meeting after school without crying. I did shed one tear but somehow was able to stop myself. That is, until I got into the car. Surprisingly, I didn't lose it. I cried, but I'm just so exasperated that it didn't get into a bad melt down. (Can you say progress?) I can't even tell DH. I don't want him to feel bad or further stressed or pressured.

Time to double my Prozac for real now. Guess I have another month to enjoy its effects.


Molly said...

Oh, man-- that really sucks. Hang in there, girl....I don't have any great words for you other than that. Sorry

Brooke said...

Crap! Just when you think the crap has all piled up and you have plenty of crap! you get more crap! Seriously. I will be praying for you. I hope dh gets things worked out with psycho mama and you get knocked up asap. ((hugs))

Tammie said...

That's awful! I hope your DH comes home soon. ((Hugs))

Sarah said...

Two words: Dont jump! :-) I've noticed we're all feeling like that lately, a special kind of hopelessness. But just know, you're not alone. And you'll get through the week :-)

Laurie said...


Tell him he has to be home that day. Whatever day it is. Tim is a big boy and can catch up the rest of the slack.

MIL has caused you guys enough stress without this too. You are priority over her sorry ass. Not sure what day you are talking about but either tell him to go a few days later or come home earlier OR postpone the trip for a week.

She's crazy, she's always been crazy and that won't change by postponing DH's trip a week.

Chelle said...

OH MAN! I'm sorry you are struggling.


Di said...

Well if it makes you feel any better I laughed like heck at 'BATCRAZY'!!!
I don't have any great wisdom, except maybe add a nice glass of wine to your plans.
You are so in my prayers, having walked in your shoes!!

Mark and Amanda said...

I'm so sorry, Kristin. I have no words since there is no way I could even understand what you're going through. I pray that you'll be holding your precious little one soon!

Maria (MKC101103) said...

That sucks big time. I'm so sorry this shitty stuff just adds to your stress level. I hope you have a few bottles lined up full of tasty adult beverages. Big Hugs to you!

Lucky said...

Aww hun! I'm sorry that DH will be gone while you O! I REALLY hope you get your March BFP so you can have a little Christmas baby.


Janna said...

Well that just sucks!! I'm so sorry!!! I will be praying for a late O date!! (((HUGS)))

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