Remember yesterday when I wondered at what point I would lose it? Well, I'm getting closer.
DH is going out of town on Friday to deal with his batcrazy mother. He'll be gone almost a week. I understand that it is imperative that he go and take care of things. This will hopefully alleviate some issues and provide her a safe place.
Why would you think that might send me over the edge? At first I thought, "Gosh, I HATE being alone in the house, especially at night." Then I thought, "Well, maybe I can really get some cleaning done and focus on relaxing." I then smiled a bit and decided that I don't have to go to the grocery store until this weekend now. After that I wondered, "Will he be here for Valentine's Day? And what about when our new furniture gets delivered and AT&T comes to install our new stuff?"
And that's when it hit me. He'll be gone almost a week. The week that I will ovulate. We won't be getting pregnant this month. We have one more month to get pg in order to have a baby in 2009. March is the same month we got pregnant - on our honeymoon. We had our first BFP almost two years ago. We lost our first angel almost two years ago.
I somehow made it through my staff meeting after school without crying. I did shed one tear but somehow was able to stop myself. That is, until I got into the car. Surprisingly, I didn't lose it. I cried, but I'm just so exasperated that it didn't get into a bad melt down. (Can you say progress?) I can't even tell DH. I don't want him to feel bad or further stressed or pressured.
Time to double my Prozac for real now. Guess I have another month to enjoy its effects.