Thursday, February 18, 2010
What's the plan?
The plan. The Plan. The plan? The Plan? THE PLAN?? THE PLAN???
The plan is that there is no plan.
The only plan I have is that I want to have a baby next, but that's obviously not working. I seriously have no clue where to go from here. We don't have any IF coverage, and going into an injectibles cycle will be about all we could swing right now. However, my FSA is already tapped for the year. Yep, as of mid-Feb my $1500 is about gone. I won't even talk about the fact that the IRS is getting ready to bend me over and take advantage of me in a very unacceptable way.
I'm not against IVF. However, it's cost-prohibitive for two teachers without any IF coverage. IVF does give me much pause for thought because it's an expensive way for me to have a miscarriage, and my bum uterus is a known baby killer. There aren't even enough typed words to link my baby-killing back posts.
I'm not at a place where surrogacy or adoption are something I can/am willing to do right now. For many reasons (some selfish, some not that I can go into some other time), I desperately want us to have biological children. I think we will, I just don't know how or when it will happen. I'm of course concerned about my age. 42 in two weeks ain't no spring chicken.
We'll eventually have a plan - another plan - but I don't know. when. We're heading into year #4 of this. I truly feel that I will be pregnant someday and deliver healthy children. I truly feel that we will have 2-3 children of our own that we will raise. I just wish I knew when that was happening because I'm getting really tired. IF is seriously wearing me out (physically, mentally, & emotionally), wearing my DH out, and wearing down our marriage and our finances.
Something's gotta give . . . and soon. I just wish I knew what it was.