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Thursday, February 18, 2010

What's the plan?

The plan. The Plan. The plan? The Plan? THE PLAN?? THE PLAN???

The plan is that there is no plan.

The only plan I have is that I want to have a baby next, but that's obviously not working. I seriously have no clue where to go from here. We don't have any IF coverage, and going into an injectibles cycle will be about all we could swing right now. However, my FSA is already tapped for the year. Yep, as of mid-Feb my $1500 is about gone. I won't even talk about the fact that the IRS is getting ready to bend me over and take advantage of me in a very unacceptable way.

I'm not against IVF. However, it's cost-prohibitive for two teachers without any IF coverage. IVF does give me much pause for thought because it's an expensive way for me to have a miscarriage, and my bum uterus is a known baby killer. There aren't even enough typed words to link my baby-killing back posts.

I'm not at a place where surrogacy or adoption are something I can/am willing to do right now. For many reasons (some selfish, some not that I can go into some other time), I desperately want us to have biological children. I think we will, I just don't know how or when it will happen. I'm of course concerned about my age. 42 in two weeks ain't no spring chicken.

We'll eventually have a plan - another plan - but I don't know. when. We're heading into year #4 of this. I truly feel that I will be pregnant someday and deliver healthy children. I truly feel that we will have 2-3 children of our own that we will raise. I just wish I knew when that was happening because I'm getting really tired. IF is seriously wearing me out (physically, mentally, & emotionally), wearing my DH out, and wearing down our marriage and our finances.

Something's gotta give . . . and soon. I just wish I knew what it was.


Kacey said...

go to
she found a place where you can get your meds for ivf for free! I checked it out and its true! I found out too late for my cycle.
The meds are a big portion of the cost of ivf...that should cut it in half. If one cycle didn't work, then hopefully you would have embryos that you could freeze and a FET cycle is the same cost and iui with meds...praying for you!

NoVaIrish said...

Huge hugs, K. I wish I knew what to do or say to make this easier. I am thinking of you.

A said...

I am so sorry- as you probably know (or not), our IUI#3 didn't work either. We are blessed to be able to move right to IVF, but that is nervewracking in itself with all the new pressures/meds/etc.

I'll be praying that you'll receive a miracle pregnancy soon!

WiseGuy said...

I understand your frustration.

I understand the age in neon signs.

I understand the need to attempt for biological kids.

I understand the fukdummery that money is.


Jessica said...

Thank you for the comment on my blog. I am glad other women are as ecstactic about the free meds as I am!! I am doing low-stim IVF which mean less meds and so if for some reason we don't get a BFP the first time we will have enough donated meds for another cycle!! I hope you find a way to do IVF and you get your BFP!!

Amanda Hopper said...

((((HUGS))))!!!! I hope your time comes soon! I wish I had the right words to say, but my heart just breaks for you, Kristin.

Marsha said...

i'll be praying for a clear plan that will result in BABY! xo

Vivid1230 said...

I am sorry to hear this. I understand the stress of infertility on a marriage, we have been going throught it too.

Another thing to look into, and I don't know too much about it is Attain IVF. It is a financing program, that let's you have up to 6 cycles, and a refund if it doesn't work.

I don't know if they are in TX, but might be worth looking into. Just so you have some options.

The Writer Chic said...

I don't even know what to say. I hate this for you. =(

Maria (MKC101103) said...

I hate that you're going through this.

MrsSandro said...

I am so sorry sweetie. I have a feeling it will happen for you. I Big Hugs.

Juicy said...

You still amaze me with how calm you are about it. I'm always hoping and thinking about you.

Two of my aunts (on different sides of the family) had kids in their 40s. It's possible, always.

Hugs sweetie.

Trish said...

Sometimes doing nothing is doing something. I hope the perfect plan comes to you while you're standing still and listening.

Still praying for you.


Anonymous said...

Hugs. I'm thinking of you.

Anonymous said...

IF sucks. I'm really sorry, I wish there was something to say to make it all better.

alliemich said...

i just found your blog and started one of my own as well. i just found out we lost our 3rd baby and will have a 3rd d and c within one year. glad to know i am not ALONE.... :(

JustUs said...

Thank you for the sincere comment on my blog :) You are in my T&P's Sweetie and from what I see you are going to be an awesome mother!

Kelli said...

I'm so freakin bummed for you. Hang in there. I too have a really good feeling that you and your hubby will be parents. I just wish the time was right now. Big hugs.

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