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Sunday, January 15, 2012

The Turnaround

On Friday, I was reading through the online forum which has carried me through wedding planning, being a newlywed, MC & PL, IF, and now into adoption.  Another girl there had posted that she is having a difficult time making that mental shift to adoption.  After I had my mini-meltdown (and a couple since) Thursday, I shared the following with her on Friday morning.  (Flip that hormone switch!)  As it's been proven to me over and over and over again:  After the grief, hope rises.

"Hi there - good to see you.  Making that mental shift to adoption will take some time, and that is OKAY.  I think any of us that have battled IF still carry our scars.  Some are fresher than others and some are deeper, but unfortunately we all have them.  Nobody can tell you what to do of course, but I recommend seeking out a counselor that specializes in infertility.
Thanks to resources offered by RESOLVE, I found one in my area and she was amazing.  I only saw her once, but that was exactly what I needed - someone who had been down my path and truly understood where I was.  She was also able to see where I would be someday, which is something I couldn't visualize at the time.
Yes, I still have moments of grief that creep up on me because I know that I will never be able to conceive, carry, or deliver a child.  I will never have the cute pregnant belly that I used to make as a pillow when I was little.  I won't be able to share DNA with another human other than my parents.
Even with all of that said, I WILL be a mom.  My husband WILL be the father of my children.  We will be parents and live and function as any other family out there.  I'll miss out on the experience of pregnancy and delivery, but I know the love I have for my child won't be anything less than that of a woman who bore her children.  If anything, my love will be a little more special I think.  And I can't wait!  Plus, as I tell my friends who are currently pregnant, I'll have my baby but "at least my vag won't get all torn up!"  :)


Anasara said...

I'm sure moving onto adoption after IF is quite the mental shift. I think every step you move that's further away from the "normal" way we're supposed to become mothers (drunken sex on vacation; ha!) is another shift. I'm still trying to wrap my head around our shift to IVF with ICSI & the knowledge even this might not be the ends to our means. IF blows, but we will get there one way or another!

Janna said...

Even with a 3 year old and a 2 (almost 3) year old that we were blessed enough to adopt, I still have moments of grief that creeps in. Its natural as a woman to warn to carry and birth a child. That can't go away the minute you're handed the child you're adopting. But you're right...the love for your child IS a little sweeter.

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