I joined my first Infertility E-Class (through Lily @ The Infertile Mind) which starts this week. It's a closed group of about 75 women, who are asked to participate as they feel led. As with any public forum, there will some who speak out more than others and those who lurk. Either way, I hope that everyone involved gets the opportunity to learn, help others, and (most importantly) help themselves. We will have lessons to complete and posts to share on the forum. I'm sure I will be sharing some of my learnings, but I will not share direct information of others in the class. Here is what I posted in my introduction:
I am really looking forward to it and connecting with even more people in the IF world. When I had my miscarriages, I learned that pregnancy loss is a secret sorority. Now that I'm battling IF after RPL, I'm learning there is another secret group out there. Nobody wears a pin or a badge on the outside, but after you've shared your membership aloud, you learn there are many, many others with an unwanted membership to the secret sororities in which we find ourselves.
I am over three and a half years now into TTC without luck. It has broken me down into a person I barely know. While it's taken me a long time to get to know this new me, I'm slowly getting used to who she is while missing my old self. I don't experience joy as I used to, and my mind is filled with self-doubt, fear, and despair. So many people tell me that I am so strong and have handled all of this so well, but I am dying inside. Being strong is SUCH hard work, and I'm worn out. It is all I can do each and every day to step forward into the world without adding another crack to my brokenness.
I am hoping that this class can help me deal with my life as it is, give me another outlet for my thoughts and feelings, put words to this new person I have become, reaffirm that I am not alone, and assist me in continuing on this path.