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Saturday, January 24, 2009

This Body's Going to the Junkyard

Not that I was really holding out a lot of hope for a BFP this cycle . . . but I was holding out hope. My cruel body was giving me all sorts of phantom pg symptoms -- killer boobs, falling asleep on the couch right after work, slight twinges of nausea, heartburn, good temps, pretty implantation dip, cramping, and more.

This morning my temped dropped. It's still above coverline, but we all know the drill. Slight spotting, but I usually spot anywhere from 2-4 days before that wicked, red-headed slut darkens my door.

Obviously, trying to sell or trade-in this body won't get me anywhere. Therefore, this body's going to the junkyard. Just throw it in the city dump. Instead, I'm going to upgrade to a young, thin, fertile, body with long hair and clear skin.

Luckily tonight we have plans with friends. I shall drink a crapload of beer, eat some nitrate-filled bratwurst, hang out in our friends' hot tub until I look pickled, quit my job, apply for welfare, and maybe take a couple of hits of heroin for good measure. Now THAT will get me pregnant!!!

9 comments:

Brooke said...

I am so sorry. I havent temped for three days for fear that my temp is down. Af is due today and I have been playing do I test or wait game all freakin day. Dh just called a begged me to test but I am so afraid. I think you should do all of those things with the exception of the heroine, its just not the cool drug of choice anymore, I mean come on, its all about meth now. Sorry I just get going and then its kinda not funny anymore. I cant wait for the day that you are whining about gas pains and hemroids! It will happen for you I just know this new RE is going to get you pg and keep you that way! ((hugs))

Vivid1230 said...

My current line is that I am married, stable, and want a child, so that is why We have having fertility issues. So I jokingly second your thoughts about quiting your job and doing heroin to get pg. I have that thought all the time :) Sorry this cycle didn't work out.

Maria Therese said...

Thank you so much for your blog! I enjoyed my visit!

My name is Maria, I'm forty two years old, and I've been married for a year and a half. Hubby and I have been trying to concieve since our wedding with no success. Last February I found out after surgery to remove two ovarian cysts that I have severe endometriosis. I am told more surgery is in my future.

You and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers.

I'd also love to invite you over to my blog when you have a chance.

http://hailmaryfullofgrace-mt.blogspot.com/

May God Bless you.

Love,
Maria Therese in Mass

Jenn said...

We always say/said the same things. ie: "I guess we need to be 16 in the backseat of the car and it'll work like a charm!" or "We need to lose our jobs, become druggies, and get arrested."

Well, when I got pg in November 2007, Hal had JUST been fired and 2 days later falsely accused of a crime, and :::GULP::: arrested. I've never told that story on my blog before. Maybe I should. Anyway, oddly enough, we can look back and kinda laugh now, bc I did, indeed get pg that weekend.

P.S. We went to trial after spending thousands of $$ on our attorney and court fees and he was found not guilty. (Yeah, I'm thinking I need to tell that story.) Love ya girl.

Shanny said...

Yup, I think you just came up with the recipe for fertility. If that doesn't do it then God help us all. Sorry you feel AF is around the corner. Can I still hope that she stays away? Just in case ::stay away AF dust::

noswimmers said...

Dude...with that plan you are SURE to get knocked up. Maybe throw in a little coke too, just for good measure.

I'm really, REALLY sorry.

((HUGS))

Molly said...

I wish I had the words that could make this all better for you, but I know they simply don't exist. Know that I'm thinking of you and praying that your time will come soon-- you definitely deserve it!

Juicy said...

Do you need a crack dealer up there? I can see if anyone knows anyone. I hear crack mamas get knocked up all the time! ;)

I'm sorry about the dip and the stupid "symptoms" that don't mean anything. Argh.

But, if it means anything at all, don't trade everything in-maybe just the uterus and its associated parts? You're much too pretty to trade with another gal!

Meg said...

The last part of your post is SO true. Why do crack whores always pop out kids when those like us that long for them struggle to get knocked up. It's a cruel world we live in.
Hang in there! It will happen.

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