Well, kinda. I'm really now kinda scared as shit, and I don't know why. I know what it is like to get pregnant, be pregnant, and have a miscarriage. Shoot - I've done it three times now! (I'm even considered "Most Informed" by the other ladies sailing on the RPL boat with me.)
But now, it's different. Maybe I just feel like the stakes are higher, time is running out, this is getting serious, or something. I'm nervous and worried and scared and trying to be hopeful. Seriously, if we don't get pg soon we'll be out of the race for good. As in forever. As in never. I can't face the thought of that.
Follow-up appointment with Dr. G&D is Thursday. Although we had the impromptu-me-calling-his-personal-cell-phone conference , I'm going in to meet him face to face and maybe even see some more party pics from my delightful HSG and MRI experiences. I guess we'll talk some more about my retarded uterus, about what kind of drugs I need, why I need to get pg and fast, etc. He'll tell me that I have a higher risk of m/c (ya think???) and a higher risk of PTL. I'll tell him I know that, and let's get it done. I have STD insurance (that's Short Term Disability, not sexually transmitted disease insurance), so at least we'll be covered should the need for bedrest arise. This is all assuming we get pg and STAY that way.
On another note, DH finally told his mom about our struggles. She has mental illness (well, she's batshitcrazy) and physical stuff going on, but she can somehow still beat him down about grandchildren and send me a freaking Kate Spade diaper bag for Christmas. Well, now she knows we've had three m/c, and she's excited that we might have twins. DH says any more than two and he'll "cut if off." Yeah, right.
I'll take twins. DEFINITELY. In fact, I'd like twins. I'd LOVE twins. I'm crazy like that. Especially twin girls - but I'd take whatever. I won't ask for them twice or more, though, because I don't want God to get confused and send us four or eight or twelve. Not really up for that.
"Do you have children?" (listen for cricket noises as DH exchange the "uhhhh" glances)
"No, we don't." (more cricket noises)
Thanks for asking stranger person to whom we were just introduced.. That's definitely the question I wanted to hear and answer in the first twelve hours of 2009. Made for a good excuse to drink two or more glasses of wine plus a strong bloody mary in less than two hours. Also made for a good nap on the road. :)
So . . . as I was saying, my appointment is Thursday. We're back in the saddle again.