Phantom Symptom Watch

I'm a whole 4dpiui (that's 4 days past IUI for those who don't want to search for the meaning). It's time for the monthly Phantom Symptom Watch! I've already googled 4dpiui + symptoms and 5dpiui + symptoms, but that doesn't help much.

Here's what I got for ya so far:

• I go from cold to sweating my ass off in a heartbeat. Probably the lingering effects of Femara.
• I kinda threw up in my mouth the other day.
• I'm farting like a champion.
• I have had major pangs of starvation (not hunger) out of the blue. I'm a fat girl. My stomach doesn't growl. :)
• Within an hour of eating, it feels like someone punched me in the diaphram (high up in the stomach).
• Some cramping and some tug-of-war feelings in female reproductive area.
• My nipples are a little tender and sensitive.
• Moodiness - but that's just me.

P4 check on Tuesday (day 21), but that's not going to tell me anything. I'm sure by next weekend I'll be searching for sticks in the backyard and peeing on other things around theh ouse. Now that I have officially proven yet again that I'm insane, I hope that Newtlet & Maria are happy now. (And note, V, that I'm still sleeping with the freaking mermaid.)

Anyone else want to share what other 5+dpiui symptoms you've had or that I can/should have?

Here we go . . .

2dpiui and I'm already fabricating symptoms. Yes, two whole days. P4 check next week, so that'll give me something to (kind of) focus on for a few days. Maybe.

This is going to be a LONG 2ww!

No Pep Rally Here

After dropping off my ring & learning that I need a new iPod, I headed back to the ARTS Center to pick up DH's masterpiece. All washed and clean, I carried the styrofoam cup protecting the test-tube with pride. Goodness knows there wasn't anywhere in my purse to put it, and I sure as hell wasn't going to cruise around a huge hospital and parking lot with a big, white cup in between my tits.

I stood in line for the first time ever at Dr. T's office. With cup in hand. How sexy was I? Hhhmmm . . . wonder why I was there? :) When I asked the receptionist if she needed to send it back while I waited, you'd thought I'd offer her a sip of arsenic-laced tea. We both laughed. Kinda. I reviewed the lab report, trying to decipher it. All I noticed was low volume and low morphology due to lack of abstinence. Of course, I get concerned. While I'm waiting, I'm texting back & forth with my friend Sarah, who is my own doc on the side. (Well, she's not a doctor but she plays one in my IF life.) She seems less concerned than I am about numbers.

Nurse Amazing, who works for Dr. Terrific and with Nurse Excellent, escorts me back to take my blood pressure. Being that it was extremely high yesterday, she's telling me to relax and think good thoughts. She then begins taking deep breaths and says, "Think babies." I think BABY (singular!) but my bp is still high. That's what anxiety will do to you.

I am taken to an exam room - the same room where we saw our first and only fetal heartbeat so many months ago. I change into my pretty paper skirt and hop up on the table. Nurse A comes back in and asks how many IUIs we've had. I tell her that I've so many parties down there that I'm surprised I know the answer is zero. She laughs. Humor deflects nervousness for me, I suppose.

Dr. T comes in and tells me to assume the position. I don't even stare at the sign above me like I used to do. (I took the pic at the top of this post so you could experience my view.) Funny Dr. T has it hanging on the ceiling above all his exam tables. :) He looks at the numbers from the lab & says they look "GREAT!" The goal is to have 16 million motile sperm post-wash, and DH's proud soldiers numbered 38.9 mighty million! I was so proud of my husband and his workers.

As he preps the catheter, I ask Dr. T if he has any pep rally music or if Nurse Excellent could come in and do a cheer. (See again the above-mentioned humor deflecting nervousness.) We both thought I was funny, and Dr. T said that was a good idea. I then elevated my hips for about 15ish minutes, and he came in and said goodbye.

Feeling a little bit of disappointment for the lack of pomp & circumstance, I asked Dr. T where to go from here. I suppose he was a blond before he began to turn gray, my wonderful inseminator told me how to get to the exit of the office. Poor guy. Once I told him that I knew my way around his office fairly well, I was told to wait for a couple of weeks to see if AF shows. Yep, it was all that uneventful. However, as I was walking out, Dr. T said, "You know, you kind of have a glow to you." Nurse A agreed. "Maybe you're already pregnant!" he called out. I smiled and hoped that he was right.

DH called as I was leaving the parking lot, and I told him how wonderful he and his boys were today. I went and had some air added to my tires, got lunch, went home & ate. The cramping started soon after, so I had a nap. Now I'm just sitting on my ass with some cramping while wondering how I'm going to entertain myself over the 2ww.

Is This a Test?

After dropping off DH's mighty soldiers to the ARTS lab this morning, I headed to Panera for some breakfast, hot tea, and 1 on 1 laptop time. I carefully prepared my Earl Grey like I want it, and headed to my table.

That's when I saw it. A beautiful, silver, FAT money clip on the ground. I looked around to see mainly women in the cafe. I slowly picked up the clip . . .

. . . and headed to the counter and turned it in. Darnit. I'm hoping this was a test by God to make sure I'm a good person. :) Maybe it's because I feel asleep praying last night. haha

Slept okay last night - at least a few hours - and I've enjoyed traffic, carrying around a cup between my breasts, breakfast, and now some hot tea. When the mall opens at 10, I will visit Tiffany & Co. to see if my ring can be repaired. I will then visit the Apple store to see if my iPod can be repaired.

After dropping off a $170 cup of sperms, heading to two fairly expensive (and dangerous) stores, and paying for the IUI, this could be an expensive day. And it's not even 10am.

*** One other important thing: I know many strangers, friends, colleagues, neighbors, and family (well, sisters & cousins) read our blog. If you know me personally, I would appreciate you keeping your discussion of this blog and our IF journey between you and me and the blog. I haven't had any issues regarding this matter, but I am surprisingly a somewhat private person about certain things - the details of our infertility being one of them. (Guess DH has rubbed off on me some!) I'd be more than happy to talk with you about it all and answer any questions you may have, but I'd prefer that not everyone at work, home, friends, acquaintances, etc. know exactly what's going on in my personal life and discuss it outside of my presence. Thanks for your respect and consideration. I appreciate all of the prayers and love and reaching out from everyone. Please keep it up!

I'm off to make another cup of tea and head to the mall. More updates later. Love all of you!

NEXT BIG THING

After another OPK-challenging cycle, I called Nurse Excellent today. I left her a rambling voice mail which basically said, "I'm an idiot . . . can't read an OPK . . . got new ones that aren't digital . . . had O symptoms . . . what to do . . . can I come in . . . I'm at work . . . should I come in . . . have the school secretary push your call to me . . . I'm sorry . . . I'll have kids in my room, so I might speak in code . . . I know I'm a pain . . . thank you so much . . . and so on.

Nurse E and I talked a few times today. I'm so desperate that I actually say the words "egg white cervical mucus" while on the phone. Out loud. In front of my fourth graders. Dear mercy, I hope they thought I was ordering breakfast.

In talking with Nurse E I learn that, of course, Dr. Terrific was gone for the afternoon. I told Nurse E that I refused to let Young Dr. R near my hooha again, for fear that he might repeatedly mistake a large artery for an ovary. Dumbass. But I digress . . . My two options - meet with Old Dr. R (stupid Young Dr. R's awesomely smart dad) and take an impromptu half day off to do it (teachers know how freaking difficult this is) OR let Nurse E and I did our own little sonogram. Guess what we did? :)

I teach about twenty miles from the doctor's office, but thanks to the traffic gods I made it there in, let's say, ummmmmm 20ish minutes. Thanks to an awesome colleague/friend, I left as my kids actually left the front door. I got there and, walking half-nekkid around the exam room, we girls got down to bidness. Before jumping on the fancy bed with lovely crocheted stirrups, I dropped four or five used OPKs on the counter and said, "This is why I'm losing my mind." Of course, they all had CD #s and times written on them with varying degrees of darkness of pink lines here & there. Nurse E MUST think I'm losing it, and I just proved it to her. So, standing there still half-nekkid in front of Nurse E and my crappy sticks, we determined that I might have surged yesterday. Maybe.

I hopped up on the fancy table while Nurse E fired up the dildo cam. She took some measurements and was awesomely good with it all, showing me stuff along the way. Just to confirm everything, "Old Dr. R" (Young Dr. R's dad) did a backup u/s. He saw the line of pink sticks and probably thought I'd lost my mind and agreed that I probably durged yesterday (CD13 - early for me) and declared that I should O in the next 12 or so hours. Looked like a delightful trilaminar, 13mm lining with a possiblity of 4 little follies ready to get to work. I'm honestly not sure if I've Od or not, but I think I might have.

My instructions? Go home, have sex tonight, come back tomorrow for insemintation.

That's right. You heard it. IUI tomorrow!


Yep, I was just seeing if you were actually reading this blog. :)


I then drove another 20 miles back to school to write plans & get my shit together prepare everything for my sub.

On the way there, I flitted through 5:00 traffic and listened to some Christian music which always calms and focuses me. The words that I heard soared through my heart. I went from freaking out to calm to crying to praying to hoping again. Yes, I said hoping.

For hope to stand, one must have faith. I have faith and now I'm holding on to hope. I know with hope there is also fear and disappointment, but I must focus on the hope and cling to my faith. When the fear overcomes me, I will pray. And I will pray the prayer I say every day, "Lord, bless us with a child that we can carry to term and deliver as a healthy angel of yours for us to raise on Earth for you." All of the prayers, good thoughts, love, and good vibes you can muster are requested and appreciated.

Lord, hear our prayers.

I will update you tomorrow as I can. I'm sure there will be much prayer with much comedy along the way. Thanks . . . . . . .

BIG TONIGHT & BIG TOMORROW

Big stuff going on here people . . . BIG!

First BIG thing first: My friend Jenn is in Labor & Delivery right now! Please send your love and prayers her way. Jenn's water broke earlier (I got the call close to 5pm CDT) and her DH, Hal, took her to the hospital. Since Halle is a bit stubborn - like her mom, maybe? - she is breech and will be delivered via c-section at 9pm CDT. C'mon baby Halle! We can't wait to meet you! Love you Jenn!

Next BIG thing: Ohmygoodnessgracious! Big Brother's season finale is tonight!!! It's DVRing right now, so I don't have to waste any time with stupid commercials. I've watched every season of this wonderfully ridiculous show, and I'm excited about the finale! GO JORDAN! (or Kevin if not Jordan, but definitely not Natalie)

Another BIG thing tonight: Biggest Loser's season premiere! A local favorite is Abby Riker. Her story is heartbreaking. Her husband went to the same high school as I did, but he was (of course) much younger. I LOVE this show, and I'm rooting for the home girl! You can do it, Abby!

Oh, and another big thing: is coming tomorrow! You better stay tuned. I'm serious. You might like it and not want to miss out! In fact, if you check back soon, it might be tomorrow. This is cool enough to earn its own post.

Let the Peeing Begin!

CD12. I'm feeling like crap today, but I got my butt out of bed and ran to CVS for some drugs and new OPKs. Since Dr. Terrific said he wasn't really hip on the digitals, I got some of the old timey kind. DH got a lesson on "what I'm doing" right now, but before I started to speak he asked if I seriously wanted him to poas. No, dear. Just hold your pee and listen. Other than DH actually getting to poas, my little lesson on opk lines is about as involved as he can be for now. Yes, for now.

I shall spend the next few days peeing and staring at lines and hoping and praying and repeating it.

Whatever. I'm still here.

I'm CD11 and I guess I'll start pOPKs now. I'm not really "in" to this cycle. It's probably a mixture of things - stress from work, exhaustion, sinus infection/cold thing, headaches, and fear of failure again. My symptoms aren't really there - just headaches (also from sinuses) and weird, itchy feelings around the scars from my lap surgery. Hmph. Hurry up and wait. Maybe I subconsciously don't want to imagine it happen for fear that I'll actually have hope.

Getting pg this cycle would be awesome for many reasons. The first, ultimately, is having a baby! This would be great timing since we'd have an early June due date. That would give us the summer vacation to have our baby and get used to being parents for a while without the stress of work. (I won't start worrying about child care quite yet.) There's of course the age thing. I am getting older, and 42 will come in March.

I do worry that if my body doesn't respond to Femara this round that it won't respond at all. Then what? IVF? Can't afford that. Ugh . . . no need to worry at this minute. Maybe in an hour. Think I'll eat a sandwich and take a nap instead.

Well . . .

. . . I don't really have much to share right now. Surprising, I know.

Finished my 5th day of Femara today. Very few s/e other than a couple of days of headaches and being hot. Not hot flashes, but so hot that I have a hard time cooling off, sweat, and anything against my face (like a pillow) feels hot.

Tired from school, think I might be getting sick w/ sinus or cold stuff.

Other than that . . . meh.

A Love Letter

Dear Follies,

Today is CD1, so you know what that means. Game on. I expect you to grow this month. The Femara you got last month is being doubled, so prepare yourselves - ALL of you. You WILL grow, you WILL mature, you WILL not run from the IUI catheter, you WILL fall in love with DH's sperm, and you WILL be fertilized. You WILL then become the baby we've been praying for the past few years, and the baby you become WILL stay put until next June.

Don't let me down this time, my follies. I am back in teacher mode, so I'm not kidding. Lack of growth, maturity, and seriousness will NOT be tolerated this month. Get it together - and now. Seriously.

Love,
The owner of the ovaries that will be hosting you.

PM to Kristi -- Sounds exciting and scary all at once. You can email me at kekis26 at gmail dot com if you like. :)