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Saturday, September 12, 2009

Whatever. I'm still here.

I'm CD11 and I guess I'll start pOPKs now. I'm not really "in" to this cycle. It's probably a mixture of things - stress from work, exhaustion, sinus infection/cold thing, headaches, and fear of failure again. My symptoms aren't really there - just headaches (also from sinuses) and weird, itchy feelings around the scars from my lap surgery. Hmph. Hurry up and wait. Maybe I subconsciously don't want to imagine it happen for fear that I'll actually have hope.

Getting pg this cycle would be awesome for many reasons. The first, ultimately, is having a baby! This would be great timing since we'd have an early June due date. That would give us the summer vacation to have our baby and get used to being parents for a while without the stress of work. (I won't start worrying about child care quite yet.) There's of course the age thing. I am getting older, and 42 will come in March.

I do worry that if my body doesn't respond to Femara this round that it won't respond at all. Then what? IVF? Can't afford that. Ugh . . . no need to worry at this minute. Maybe in an hour. Think I'll eat a sandwich and take a nap instead.

4 comments:

Shanny said...

All I can do is pray that this really is your cycle and wish you good luck. I'm sure you are tired of all this crap but hopefully the whole trying crazyness will be over soon. Come on Femara do your thing!!!

..al said...

Dear Kekis, Stress really takes the winds out of any enthusiasm...so I quite understand.

Is it now that you are having the itchy feeling around the lap scars, or has that been persistent? I used to have that, and applying a light moisturizer helped.

Good Luck...June is a good month!

Anonymous said...

I had a breakdown moment on Friday. I received news that a friend of mine that was having fertility issues had her baby on the 10th and then on the 11th I found out that a second friend of mine battling fertility is pregnant with her first IUI following surgery. It's hard. I thought I was over all of this, but I realized I had just buried it. Hope is the one thing I never long for. I'm afraid of hope because with hope comes disappointment. I think I have a new blog there. I understand how you are feeling. Pray for a miracle...at least that requires faith rather than hope. I'm thinking about you.

Juicy said...

look into studies. maybe call around to the fertility centers or your RE and see if they know of any studies going on for IVF. We got in on one and that was the only way we were going to do it. Made what could have cost us $15,000+ only $7,000.

Hope this cycle is awesomeness.

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