FINAL

On Monday, December 17th, 2012 Kate's adoption was finalized.  While it was only a formality stating what we have known in our hearts all along, Katherine Leigh is now officially a Rambler.  Her last name has been changed, her birth certificate is being reissued with the name change and placing our names upon it, and she will soon be able to get a social security number.

It was so neat to see the other families there doing the same as us.  Since we were the second-to-last family to go before the judge, we offered to take photos of families as soon as they exited the courtroom.

One of the most special scenes I witnessed was of a family of SEVEN - Dad & Mom (both Caucasian), three Caucasian daughters, a young AA son and young AA daughter.  They were all dressed so wonderfully and had huge smiles on their faces as they emerged from the courtroom as an "official" family.  They all hugged and smiled at one another.  The Mom then stopped, closed her eyes, and began to weep tears of relief and joy.

Being an empathetic crier, I teared up with her before jumping from my seat to take a photo.  They were so appreciative and my heart warmed with the love they all had for one another.  Our family just beamed with them, knowing we were feeling the same way.  What a special moment for everyone that will always be in etched in my brain and heart.

We got a few photos taken before we were called.

Kate with two of her sets of grandparents - Papa & Gran (my dad & stepmom) and
Grandpa & Grandma Linny (Todd's dad & stepmom).

Daddy & his little girl.

Along for the ride, but not overly interested!

Our lil' family. I love Kate's WubbaNub paci hanging out of her mouth!

Our time finally came to enter the courtroom.  Kate had fallen asleep (not long after sharing her pterodactyl cries through the echoing hall outside the courtroom!), and I was carrying her.  Our attorney was inside and we were asked to approach the bench.  We asked if our family could join us, and everyone said yes with smiles on their faces.  The attorney began to petition the court for our adoption, we were sworn in by the judge, and the legal talk ensued.

Our attorney then asked Todd a series of questions related to our adoption, submitted documentation to the court (home study, criminal backgrounds, etc.), and then asked if I concurred with all of Todd's answers.  Whenever the judge responded, she did so with a sweet and happy voice.  We knew this must be the best part of job as a judge in the juvenile courts of a large urban county.

As the discussion got underway, so did my tears.  They were the silent and thankful type of tears, unlike the many loud and painful tears cried through the over five years of waiting for our baby.  When the judge declared this adoption official and binding, that this daughter will always be ours, she said it through a smile.  My smile returned hers, albeit a little stained with black mascara streaks.  (Why did I think I wouldn't cry that day??!!)  The sweet judge then gave Kate a little stuffed bunny as a gift and congratulated us and our family.  We took photos of OUR family now.

Yes, for the record, I photoshopped out most of my mascara streaks.
I was under oath, so I have to tell you.

Just a small section of Kate's family and a minute section
of the many who love her.

Our precious daughter was really and truly and finally ours.  In our hearts, on paper, legally, to the world - ours.  It's not that she wasn't before, but now we could breathe just a tiny bit easier knowing that no matter what, she would be with us forever.  Joyous relief filled my heart.  What a journey it has been to get here.  And what a journey it will be.

"For this child I have prayed . . . " 1 Samuel 1:27

THREE Months

I've heard other Moms say, "I can't believe my baby is already three months old."  My infertile eyes would roll to the point they were almost stuck back in my head.  But . . . it's true. Where has the time gone?  I still get giddy over her and earlier tonight had a little crying session in awe of this blessing of ours.  Poor, salty baby.

It seems like yesterday we got THE call; like yesterday we met J; like yesterday our baby was here; like yesterday we brought Kate home with us.  And it still seems so surreal.


Last night I changed my little tater tot from the pajamas and too small hat Daddy put on her (and took her out in public in it like that!) and tossed on a new sweatsuit that is 3-6 months.  I also put away the 0-3 month clothes since they don't fit and pulled out Kate's new "big girl" clothes.  Can't believe my little baby girl is growing so quickly!

Happy Three Months, my precious little baby girl.  You have such an amazing life ahead of you.  I love you more than my heart can handle.

Maybe by month four, Kate will smile for the camera rather than just be mesmerized by it!

Sleep Diapering?

Now that I'm back at work and Daddy Rambler is taking care of Miss Kate, he has night time diaper and bottle duty.  On weekends, I'll take one feeding and he'll take the other.  We'll have to figure out how to divide and conquer that when we both return to work in January.

So in the weeeee hours of this Tuesday morning, I woke up to shrieking sounds resonating from Kate's bedroom.  She shrieks more than she cries, so I wasn't alarmed.  Stopping by to use the bathroom first, I made my way to the precious little shrieker and changed her diaper.

Mr. Rambler comes stumbling in, and I told him to go back to bed.  He groggily said, "Are you sure?  I'll get her."  I confidently responded, "No, get some sleep while you can.  I'll feed her."  DH shrugged his shoulders and turned towards our bedroom replying, "If you insist."

I finished diapering the cutest little bottom in the world, got her bottle ready, and prepared to nourish my little Chunklet when it hit me . . .

It wasn't weekend.  It was a school night.

Continuing to practically sleep walk, I headed to our room and woke up an already snoozing Mr. Rambler.  "Honey . . . can you feed Kate?  I thought it was weekend.  Sorry."

Man, it's going to be a long week!

12 Weeks

I have become a terrible blogger, but I can promise you that I'm a great Mommy!  :)  After going back to work last week (booooo), I'm trying to get it all done.  Bottom line is that Kate turned TWELVE weeks yesterday and she is absolutely amazing.  She is sweet, feisty, beautiful, smart, healthy, funny, strong, cute, and precious . . . all wrapped into one.  We are absolutely in love.

Many more stories about our awesome little daughter to come.  I'm at work and apparently they won't pay me if I don't do my job.  Whatever.


I ain't skeered of no tummy time!



Birth Announcement

Now that they are finished aaaand reprinted aaaand mailed aaaand hopefully received by everyone . . . here is the front of Kate's birth announcement.  So sweet!

If you need announcements, cards, photo books, etc. definitely check out Mixbook.  We did our adoption profile book, marketing fliers, birth announcements, and will do business with them again.  They have great products, always have discounts/coupons, and excellent customer service!

Still Waiting?

For those of you still waiting for your dreams to come true, they will.  It may not be exactly as you imagined it, but let go and be patient enough to watch it happen.

Adoption Tax Credit

Your help is needed!!

We are lucky enough to be able to finalize Kate's adoption before the end of the year which will qualify us for an adoption tax credit.  This credit will offset less than 25% of our total adoption expenses but it will help.  However, Congress is planning to abolish the current structure of the tax credit which will affect many, many, many people and likely prevent them from creating a family simply because of money.

Regardless of your political involvement and believes, PLEASE sign this petition (http://wh.gov/9jqZ) and share it with others via Facebook, Twitter, e-mail, whatever.  This is not a political statement from me; it is a plea to help others by preventing this change from happening.   I was #909 to sign the petition if you want to me to prove that I signed.  :)

Thank you . . .

Mending?

As I was rocking my precious baby girl tonight, I thought to myself how I could sit there all night long with her and not move.  Then I decided I could truly stay there forever . . . just holding her, listening to her coo in her sleep, smelling her sweet clean skin, feeling her squishy thighs, and letting her fuzzy hairs tickle my cheek.

Then - since I'm a rambler inside my head before I even write or speak it - I thought that if needed I would stay there forever even I had to pee or poop on myself.  (haha)  But then I thankfully started another train of thought:

I could not love this precious angel anymore had I grown her in my own body.  She is mine.  There is absolutely no doubt about that.  My heart is so full that I sometimes feel like I really could explode.  Every time she smiles; every time she coos; every time she giggles . . . my heart begins to mend a little.  Each of those beautiful, precious moments take a bit of the hard parts in my heart and crack them apart so they can escape the clutch they've had on me for so, so very long.  The parts can now remove themselves from my heart, my mind, and my body.  A small hole will always remain in those places.  I know that because I am forever an infertile, habitual aborter.  My history won't ever change.  I won't ever forget how I got here and what I had to endure to be in this very place.  Surely that is why I can appreciate the here and now.

My future has changed though.  Now I am forever a Mommy.  And I am so incredibly in love.

Two Whole Months

Where has time gone?  Kate turned 2 months old yesterday!  Every time I pull out the camera, she becomes more interested in the lens than she is in smiling! That's why Kate is in the beginning of a smile in this photo.  I got what I could which is still amazingly precious to me.  :)

As you can tell, Miss Katherine is growing like crazy and really filling out.  We can’t believe how big she has gotten & look forward to an actual weight/length at her two-month check at the pediatrician.  She is CRAZY strong and pretty much crawled over her Boppy pillow during tummy time last night.  Steve must have been proud of her because he stopped, licked her twice on the head, and laid down in the middle of her room - his new place.

Funny story:  After I was done taking pics with Kate, Mr. Rambler said, “What is that on her legs?”  I excitedly said, “Legwarmers!  They’re called Baby Legs!”  I won’t share exactly what he said (haha), but he hates them and later asked Kate if she was crying because she hated her legwarmers.  It’s all good, though, because Daddy hung Kate’s chandelier not long after that.  Hahaha!  We’ve been working hard on her nursery and it is already looking sssoooo pretty!  Photos to come soon . . .

Concept of Time

If you've been in the land of IF/RPL as long as I have, you most certainly have seen posts on blogs/FB/forums of women who are sharing about their pregnancies and children.  Things like "I'm 35 and 35" (35 weeks pregnant with 35 days to go to full term) and "baby has been out longer than in" (meaning baby is about 40+ weeks old).

Two thoughts hit me tonight and yesterday . . .

1. We've had Kate almost 3x as long as we've known about her.  Mr. Rambler thought that was interesting as well.

2.  I've been Kate's mommy longer than I was able to carry any of my three babies.

WOW.  That concept of time has really changed for me!

Speaking of Kate, she is awesome.  However, this growth spurt of hers is trying to kill me.  Off to tend to my baby pterodactyl . . .

Fighter of All Things Sleep

When Mommy says she'll win the battle of me going to sleep, I smirk.  Fine then . . . I'll just poop my panties!

View this on My Instagram

Our Lil' Pumpkin

Kate wasn't overly impressed with Halloween this year!  I'm sure next year will be just awesome.  Luckily she waited until I changed her out of her costume to poop . . . everywhere.  :)

Kate's Story - Part III

I know this is long and dragging out, but you'll just have to get over it.  I didn't have nine months to drag out a pregnancy and birth story, so this is what you get!

Rewind - Tuesday, September 11, 2012 Part III
(You can read Part I and Part II if you're behind.)

When the volunteer found me in the waiting room and told me to go back to J's room, J's brother and son were walking around . . . somewhere.  I left his wallet, keys, and something else with the reception desk because I wanted to get back there with J as fast I could!  I began the walk down (what felt like) the long hall to L&D.  Having practiced this during our false alarm/dry run less than a week ago, I was thankful that I knew exactly where to go, how to get through the security process, and where J's room was.  I lightly tapped on the door to room LD2 not sure what was going on from the other side.

As I entered, J was already in bed wearing a gown and monitors strapped across her belly.  I learned that J was dilated to a 5.  (Of course I texted that to DH who later told me he thought we'd be there forever since it took a week to go from a 4 to a 5.  ha!)  The nurse was there and was asking some basic admission questions.  In her questioning, the nurse asked, "On a ten point scale, what is the maximum level of pain you would be willing to endure?"  J replied, "Oh . . . 7 or 8."  The nurse then replied, "Okay," as she continued to enter the information and then asked, "And at what number are you right now?"  I was confused when J replied, "TEN." All I could think was that either J was confused or she was really keeping it together with that kind of pain.  I soon told J, "If you need me to step out, just say the word.  You won't hurt my feelings."  She let me know everything was fine and asked me to stay.  Remember, it was just her and I - nobody else.  We were in this together for now.

Although the entire staff was aware of the adoption plan, the nurse asked, "Soooo . . . are you guys friends?"  J and looked at each other and giggled our responses in unison, "Yes."  Then the nurse said, "Did you just meet?"  We laughed again and said, "Well, kinda!"  It was so strange and so amazing how comfortable we were.

I could hear our baby's heartbeat on the monitor and read that J was having pretty regular and fairly strong contractions.  However, having been in three deliveries in years past, I knew she wasn't "there" yet.  We sat back and I fed her ice chips.  We chatted a little bit and both texted people - including A (agency owner) - to keep them updated. Mr. Rambler was still at school and (in my opinion) suspended in disbelief that this was really happening.  He tried to line up a sub, get plans ready, communicate to his administration, and waited for my next update before heading to the hospital.  The night before, I made a few lists for him of things to get from the house whenever "the day" finally came.  I still laugh knowing my gut had me in mommy-mode the night before our baby girl arrived.  :)

Around 9:30ish, I asked J if she'd like a cold cloth for her head.  As I went in to the very tiny bathroom and wet the washcloth, I looked at myself in the mirror and shook my head in disbelief.  I might actually become a mommy today and the precious young woman on the other side of that wall was the reason.  Was this really happening?  Was this real?  Was this yet another time I thought I was having a baby and got nothing but empty arms?  Would my heart be broken?  Did I look any different?  Setting the wet cloth on J's head, I stroked her hair asked her how she was doing and told her to try to rest if she could.  Knowing very little about her history, I began thinking that it was a strong possibility nobody ever really did that for her when she was young.  I felt a mix of feelings of love that I would have for a friend, sister, niece or daughter.  It truly hurt my heart to think that she may not have gotten the love and care that I was so blessed to have from my mom, and it solidified my maternal instinct to take care of J as best I could if she'd let me.  Before things progressed any further, I held J's hand and said, "I'm here for you but if I do or say anything you don't like, tell me.  If you want me here, I'll stay.  If you want me to leave, I'll leave.  You will NOT hurt my feelings.  I want to make sure you are comfortable and okay."

After J was fairly relaxed, I asked if she'd like for me to go get her brother so they could spend some time together.  He is a handful of years younger than J but very protective and caring of her.  Leaving my purse as my own subconscious collateral to return, I went to the waiting room and took J's son for a while.  Ahhh, the energy of a 2 1/2 year old!  He ran me ragged!  This was the first time I had spent 1:1 with him, and I kept thinking, "Wow.  I'm playing with my baby's half-brother!"  We ran down the halls, stopping to play at every water fountain.  I herded him away from the open area gift shop, trying to keep him out of all the fun toys.  We sat on the steps below the nursery window.  We raced (and I *let* him win).  My mind was half with him and half with J, and I wondered what was happening back there and what would happen next.  How would all of this go down?  When would A be here?  Would DH be here soon?  I was jolted from my thoughts when Little Man looked through the doors down towards L&D and said, "Mama?"  I told him that she was okay and seeing the doctor to make her tummy better.  I had no clue what to say but he seemed okay with it!  After what seemed like forever maybe 20 minutes at the most, J's brother came walking down the hall.  I asked him how J was doing and I could tell from the concerned look on his face that she was okay but probably pretty uncomfortable.  Not knowing what to do, I asked, "Do you think I should go back there with her?"  Thankfully he said yes, and it was all I could do not to sprint away leaving him in my dust of excitement and anxiety.

Entering the room again, I could see by the look on J's face that she was hurting.  No IV lines were in place and her arm was free of any tubes.  Again, I stroked her hair, flipped over her cool cloth, and asked the nurse when she could get drugs.  The phrase of the day was, "We have been so busy" and we were told the anesthesiologist was on the way.  I wanted J to get some relief from pain because the emotional pain had to be hard enough.  The nurse asked if J wanted her to do an exam, upon which we learned that she was dilated to 8 or 9cm.  Holy crap - we were almost there.  I texted DH and told him to hurry.  (We live an hour from the hospital, so the term hurry was very relative.)  Her water hadn't yet broken but the nurse felt the bag of water in front of the baby's head.  Soon, various people started coming in the room.  Docs/nurses from the nursery checked on the warmer, another nurse rolled in a sterile table, someone else rolled in a light and another cart and goodness knows what else.  I stayed kneeling by J's bed.  We were running out of room, but I wasn't moving unless I was told to do so.

By 10:30ish, J was in definite pain with no anesthesiologist in sight.  I asked for drugs for around probably the fourth time.  (For those wondering, I asked for drugs for J not me!)  The nurses said, "Well, she doesn't have an IV in yet."  WTH?  I calmly said, "Can someone start one?  She is really hurting."  They finally took that as more than a hint and poor J dealt with really strong contractions while nurses tried to keep her arm still and set the IV.  About 10:45 the nurse gave her 50mg of Demerol to take the edge off before the real drug man arrived.  Around then J said, "I need to get up."  (Huh?!)  "I need to get up and go to the bathroom." she said.  Wellll, having been a labor & delivery coach to a couple of friends I knew what that meant.  I asked, "Do you need to pee or poop?"  When J said it was the latter, I shot a look to the nurses who began snapping on gloves in a heartbeat.  The 2-3 nurses looked at one another and the lead nurse quietly said to the others, "We may need to do this."  Holy crap!  Where was the doctor?  Where in the hell was the drug dude??  This baby was coming no matter who was there to catch.

J then screamed and yelled, "I need to push!"  The nurse dropped the end of the bed and got her up in the stirrups for a quick check.  It was time but the doctor was not yet in the hospital.  (Insert phrase of the day about being crazy busy here.)  The doctor was on the way, so just "hold on" was what we heard.  The nurses told J not to push yet and to focus on her breathing.  At that point, I put my hand out to J and said, "Squeeze whenever you need to as hard as you need to.  You won't hurt me."  (Yeah, I was just praying she wouldn't hurt me!)  We interlaced our fingers and she began to squeeze.  I was blowing light puffs of air on her cheek to pace her breathing.  The nurse placed an oxygen mask on her face, and I held it in place since there seemed to be no time to strap it around the back of her head.  I told J over and over again that I was there, she was doing so great, and I was so proud of her.  It was so surreal that she was getting ready to deliver this baby without drugs and (hopefully) let us take that little gift home.

At this point, it was about 10:50 or so with no doctor and no anesthesiologist in sight.  There was no turning back now and no drugs to come either.  I couldn't believe it.  J began screaming while the nurse and I tried to focus her on breathing.  She said, "I have to push," to which the nurse replied, "No.  You can't push."  Seriously?? The LVN was literally holding J's knees together like that was going to stop it.  J then yelled, "You don't understand!!!!"  I thought, "Geez.  With several women in here right now, I'm sure that I'm not the only who hasn't had a baby before and STILL knows that she needs to push!"  A minute later, a doctor walked in and introduced herself.  She said J's doctor was on the way, but if she wanted to push that would be okay.  (gosh, thanks)  The doctor began to get on her gloves and gown when J said, "My water just broke."  The nurse then said, "We have mec."  I knew it was meconium and looked down to the chuck (pad) below J.  Thankfully it was a very small amount (two spots maybe the size of a quarter) & was light in color.  This was good since it can be unsafe for the baby to aspirate mec during delivery.  The nurses elevated the bed and I scrambled to find a stool since I had been on my knees at her bedside this whole time.  Luckily there was a stool on wheels since J still had a strong lock on my hand and I was still holding her oxygen mask!  I continued to breathe with her and reassure her how wonderful she was as I sat down.

J pushed once and took a breather.  That's when her doctor entered the room.  J pushed again.  Her doctor finally got into place.  J pushed a third time which delivered the head.  While I was a little torn on where to maintain my focus, I kept it on J while hoping there was a lifetime ahead of me to focus on the baby.  With another push, our baby was here.  I saw only her tiny, smooth, little back as the doctor pulled her out and they took her to the warmer.  We both held our breath waiting to hear the cries of this precious angel.  A little cry came out and it was as if we collectively exhaled in relief.  I stayed with J while the doctor had to manually extract the placenta.  I tried to look at the baby in the warmer but a monitor completely blocked my way.  I couldn't see her but could hear her small, beautiful cries come sporadically from the corner on the other side of the bed.

The nurse suddenly asked us, "Is it a boy or a girl?"  J and I both stopped breathing again and I (thinking of the plethora of pink things that had been taking over our home) said, "It *should* be a girl!"   J quickly followed up with, "Yes.  Will someone please check?!"  The nurse quickly checked and responded with, "Yes.  It IS A GIRL!"  Whew!

J looked into my eyes and with a big smile, she stole my heart by saying,

"Your little girl is here."

Part IV coming very soon . . . . . . .

Call It What It Is

This is a only a small representation of what some might called "hoarding."  Here, we call it "Emergency Preparedness."

Full Heart

Kate went to see her first collegiate soccer game today and FINALLY got to meet her cousin, Whitney.  If you know me or know anything about me, you know my love for Whitney.  She has always been like she was (is!) my own.  My heart skipped a beat when I saw this photo taken today:

kekis' baby girls - be still my heart

This shows a full circle moment in my world.  How surreal that my sweetie girl Whitney is holding my baby daughter, Kate.  Something I thought would never happen has.  Off to cry some more . . .

Kate's Story - Part II

Busy doesn't describe how things have been since Kate was born.  Thankfully, her birth story is etched permanently into my brain.  However, I still want to get it all written so I don't forget it when I lose my mind someday.  So, back to the day our precious daughter was born . . .

Rewind -- Tuesday, September 11, 2012  Part II  (Here's Part I if you missed it.)

At some point, I did remember to call DH and let him know that I was on the way to the hospital to meet J.  I honestly don't know if I called from school or from on the road.  :)   His plan was to remain at work & line up the rest of his day for a substitute in case this was the real deal.  I remember calling my sister, my parents, my brother, and maybe a few others but I can't remember everyone.

After our dry run the week before, I was thankful to know exactly where I was going.  Considering it was still within rush hour, most people stayed out of my way and let me get to the hospital in a timely manner.  My focus was on driving safely and checking the roadside every now and then to see if J was on the side of the road delivering a baby.  Don't think I'm kidding!  I tried listening to some soothing music to keep myself calm and safe.

Texts continued in from A (agency co-owner) and, as I pulled in to the Labor & Delivery parking lot, she texted me that J had just gotten there.  Good timing so far!  As I entered the building, I saw J's brother and her son in the hall.  Following them while trying not to look like a panic-stricken, overly-excited, hopefully Mommy-to-be stalker type, I heard "Kristin!" from behind me.  J was sitting in the lobby chairs, and I had just passed right by her!  As I walked to her, I smiled and could tell she was tired.  Although this was only the third time we had ever seen one another, it felt extremely comfortable being together.  We talked - though I don't remember about what exactly - and sent texts here & there since both of our phones were blowing up simultaneously.

What seemed like forever was about fifteen minutes or so, and the desk clerk called J's name.  She hoisted herself out of the chair and walked gingerly towards the desk.  They brought her a wheelchair and she sat there answering questions.  Soon, they wheeled her back to L&D while J's brother, son and I prepared to wait.  I offered them granola bars and water and apples that I had shoved into a bag before leaving school.  My hunger waned as my nerves slowly increased, so I continued to drink my water.

J's son is not quite 2 1/2, so he proceeded to cruise the halls, run through the automatic doors, check out the gift shop, etc.  He is such a cute, sweet, and active little boy.  J's brother lovingly followed him around trying to let him be active while keeping him safe.  It warmed my heart to know that I was watching the uncle and half-brother of our baby girl on the day of her birth.    Of course, my mind was with J and hoping she was doing okay.  Since A lived a fair distance from the hospital, I knew it would be a bit before she arrived.

We had not yet discussed a hospital plan, so I had no idea what to expect.  I was looking forward to A's arrival so she could orchestrate everything and make sure everyone was comfortable with how things progressed.  She was the only one to whom this was not foreign territory, and she always handled things with the greatest of ease while making sure we all knew what was happening along the way.

As I watched the guys cruise around the lobby and halls, my mind wandered a bit until a nice woman came up to me and said, "Are you here with J?  She'd like you to come back."  With a big smile on my face, I headed back to the labor & delivery rooms wondering what lied ahead of me.  Little did I know . . .

Kate: One Month

Can't believe our baby girl is already one month old!  This isn't the best shot of the bunch, but I think it's hilarious because Kate is sporting a look that says, "Seriously Mommy?  Pictures again?"  Goodness, I love this little girl.

At her one month check-up, Kate weighed a whopping 9 lbs. 2 oz. - up 2 pounds from her birth weight!  Dr. D said, "Soooo . . . you're feeding your baby?"  Haha!  She is doing superb.  Still battling some gassiness but she's cuter than ever and precious and funny and pretty and lovey and feisty and strong and . . .

Yeah, we're in love with little Katherine Leigh.

What's in a Name?

If my daughter grows up not knowing what her name is, I will know why.  We have so many nicknames for her right now that I can't even keep up with them all.  A few different names we call Katherine besides her true nickname of Kate are:

Kaff-rin
Baby Cheetah
Princess-ess
Baby Girl
Sweet Baby Girl
Little Pterodactyl
Princess Leia
Lobot
Chubbers
Chubber Cheeks
Miss Thang
Jane Fonda (after she started doing butt lifts on her changing table)
Tooter
Stinkerpot

You have one guess to figure out which two names we use when she's screaming & crying.  Won't be difficult!

And because you KNOW there's never enough cuteness, here's a pic from today.  Mommy needs some Botox.  :)

Stealing Daddy's Heart

Kate and Daddy had a very rough afternoon on Saturday while I ran a few errands.  It was the beginning of her colic, and Mr. Rambler got it all.  I came home to an exasperated husband and worn out baby girl.  Of course as a crazy person Mom, I worried that DH wouldn't want much to do with her after that experience.

After I got Kate ready for bed that night, I took our little bundle to Daddy for a goodnight kiss.  I said, "Say night-night to Daddy, Kate.  He wants to give you sweet kisses."  As I leaned down for him to kiss her, Kate turned her head, puckered her lips, and made a kiss sound!  It was sssoooooo sweet!  The look on his face was absolutely priceless.

And Daddy fell in love with his baby girl . . . again.

There's nothing like a Daddy's girl.

The C Word

If you've been reading this blog for long, you've probably figured out I can easily exercise the mouth of sailor.  However, I hate the "C" word.  But now it has a whole new meaning.

Colic.

For the past four days, my sweet little angel turns into a screaming, shrieking hellcat for a handful of hours each day.  It's so sad and awful.  I feel so helpless in trying to help her and feel so sorry for her. I'm great at keeping my cool with her and didn't cry until my mom called tonight.

Dear Sweet Baby Jesus Lying in a Manger Lord in Heaven ---- Have Mercy on Me.  This too shall pass . . . . . .

Earwells

Kate's right ear had a teeny-tiny little crease in the top part of it, so the pediatrician recommended that we see a pediatric plastic surgeon.  After taking photographs and an assessment by the plastic surgeon, he said there was also a piece of cartilage across the outer ear of both ears (outside of the ear canal). While it wasn't a malformation per se, the doc did say it could lead to her ears sticking out when she got older.

This doctor co-invented the Earwell system, which for Kate basically meant an ear cuff (think the 80s ear cuff things) and a small "button" on the right ear and a button on the left ear. Then these "cages" are placed over the ears to prevent the babies from removing the plastic things under them. You can see some pics on the website. The Earwells don't look that bad and don't bother her at all. Kate will wear them for 4-6 weeks as the cartilage in her ears firms and then she'll be good to go.

Here you can see Princess Leia's Lobot ears:

Kate's face in this pic cracks me up.

Either way, she is absolutely gorgeous and I couldn't be prouder to be her Mommy. It's still SO surreal.

To Kate

I found myself in a puddle of tears this morning when Kate received a package in the mail from her birth mother, J.  It is a precious puppy lovie with satin and soft fabrics.  I just covered Kate in it and wrapped the puppy's arms around her and cried over her (again!).  We are so blessed in so many ways, and I'm so proud of my daughter and her story.

Kate's Story - Part I

Sit back, get comfy, and grab a snack and drink if you like.  This is probably going to be long (and recorded in parts) because I am going to recall and record EVERY single moment that I can.  The story of Kate is one of the best ones I'll ever write, and every single word of it is true.

I knew I wanted to record every moment of the day Kate was born and the day following, but I also wanted to be respectful and insure the privacy of our birth mother, J.  The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to write it down because it isn't only J's story . . . this is KATE'S story.  I want my daughter to know what an amazing, special, heartwarming, and beautiful day it was when she entered this world.  Tuesday, September 11, 2012 - and consequently Wednesday September 12, 2012 - were two of the most beautiful days of my life.  All because of Kate and the amazing woman who gave her life and then gave her life to us.

In the few days preceding Kate's birth, I was in preparation mode.  Knowing that J was already dilated to 4 cm meant our baby could arrive any day.  I was getting baby items ready, packing hospital bags, and making lists less than 12 hours before Kate was born.  Thank goodness I did!

Rewind:  Tuesday, September 11, 2012

I left a little early for work that morning in hopes that I could start working on my sub plans for whenever I started maternity leave.  Arriving a bit before 7:00 am, I organized a few things before heading to the gym for our morning assembly at 7:25.  I met a new student, introduced myself to him, went through the assembly, and told my students I would pick them up from PE in a little while.  Trying to stay focused, I went straight to my classroom to get some work done.  Ready to pull up some files to save for my sub, I looked down and saw that my phone was vibrating with a text.  It was A from the agency.  "This is from J just now . . . FYI!!  May be today.  'Good morning. Strong contractions here this morning and they are constant.' "

I jumped from my chair and headed down the hall to the office at the other end of the building.  It was all I could do not to sprint but (1) I don't run, (2) I was in flip flops, and (3) We don't run in the halls of an elementary school!

I went straight to the secretary's desk and said, "I need your help.  Can you call my sub?  I think I need to leave."

A shriek comes from the principal's office, and she runs out with tears in her eyes and gives me a huge hug.  "Go, go, go!" she says, "We'll take care of everything!"

At that point, I decide to call my sub, who says she'll head up to the building.  I walk quickly back down the hall to gather my things, not knowing what to do with myself!  About halfway down the hall, I hear someone yelling my name (we don't yell in the halls either!).  She said, "You have a call.  It's the agency!"  ACK!  I forgot to even respond to A's text.  She was calling to see if I had gotten it.  :)  So, now it's time to run - flip flops and all.  It wasn't pretty, and I remembered apologizing for running to a little first grade girl as I ran by her.  I told A that I was leaving in five minutes, to tell J that I was on the way, and that I would see her soon.

Tears filled my eyes.  I walked back down the hall towards my classroom.  "I might be a Mommy the next time I come back here," I thought. "Breathe.  Don't forget to breathe."  I saw my friend Ms. S in the distance down the hall, gave her a big smile and two thumbs up, and waved goodbye to her.  I think she may have screamed when she figured out what I meant, but I don't remember.  I walked into my class room, and I think someone was with me because I remember saying that nothing was ready but telling them where things were.  I don't remember that either.  I slapped a few items together on my desk, went in to say goodbye to my teammates, and stepped across the hall.

Mrs. P, a long time colleague & friend who has been with me this whole journey, was in her classroom getting her students lined up.  I walked in to her with a huge smile on my face and said, "I just came to tell you that I'm leaving and to say goodbye."  More tears filled my eyes but the smile on my face prevented them from falling down my face.  We hugged and I headed to my car, stopping by one more room (Mrs. S.) to say goodbye.  It felt amazing as I left because so many people that have walked beside me, supported me, and prayed for me so many years were seeing me leave as the sad and barren woman I'd been for so long.  I prayed that would change soon - very soon.  This was so surreal.

Trying to calm myself, I got in my car, started the engine and headed north to meet the woman who would hopefully be delivering a baby that I could call my own.

Head on over to Part II if you're ready!

Indiana Jones & the Temple of Tears

It was a rough afternoon for our baby girl who was gassy and NOT happy.  I felt so sorry for her and helped the best I could.  Between the gas and her being royally pissed off (Miss Thang has a temper!), she wailed and clawed and screamed and cried in between few minute moments of rest.  We worked through it for a few hours before Daddy got home from work.

Once Daddy Rambler walked in the door and saw our screaming baby & my exasperated face, I let him take over for a bit so I could get a short break.  Kate & Dad walked around the house, him bouncing and humming.  They went back to our bedroom while I washed bottles and poured a glass of wine for myself.

A few minutes later, I went back to check on them, only to find Mr. Rambler continuing to bounce and hum . . . while wearing an Indiana Jones hat.  WTF?!  I nearly pissed my pants, and I'm not the one wearing diapers around here.  I had to leave the room because I was laughing so hard.

Later on - after I took over & got a few minutes of silence out of our little screamer - I went into the den to DH.  Laughing so hard I could barely breathe (and about to piss myself), I told him that he needs to let me have a potty break before the next time he goes Indiana Jones on me.  His response?

"Well, she was looking at me and I thought she might like the hat."

Our daughter is only 17 days old.  This is only the beginning folks . . .

Princess . . . Princess Leia, that is.

Kate had her 2 week pedi appointment yesterday and gained a whole pound in only 11 days.  Dr. D, her pediatrician, said, "Do you realize your daughter has gained an entire pound?"  Whoa!  Guess whatever I’m doing is working so far (whew!).  I think she's gained most of that in her cheeks.  :)

Birth weight = 7 lbs. 2 oz.

3-day weight = 6 lbs. 9 oz.

14 day weight = 7 lbs. 9 oz.

 Miss Chunkers went to Dr. B (the plastic surgeon)  on Monday for her brow lift to have Earwells placed that she’ll wear for about four weeks. They help form the cartilage of the ears and will insure that her ears don’t stick out when she gets older. The Earwells don’t seem to bother Kate & it looks like she’s wearing headphones. I’m calling her Princess Leia now while Daddy Rambler calls her Lobot.

And for the record, Dr. B is not offering free Mommy Botox with the purchase of baby's Earwells.  :/

So in LOVE

Oh, my baby girl is amazing.  Kate is so relaxed, so chill, so sweet.  Not much fazes her.  She only cries when she's really hungry or mad because I suck at dressing tiny babies.  She is patient with me.  I'm surprised she has any skin left on her head and face because I kiss her all.the.time.

I cherish every single tiny moment spent with her regardless of the time, circumstances, or surroundings.  I told Kate the other night that she was formed from the many, many tears that fell from Mommy's eyes.  I stare at this miracle through tired, blurred eyes and tears fall.  But this time, the tears are different.  Finally.  They are tears of thanks, gratitude, and humbleness.

She is my daughter.  I am her mother.  She always has been.  She always will be.

My dreams have come true in an instant.  I am so blessed.

Introducing:

Our little blessing . . . Miss Katherine Leigh!   "Kate" was born September 11, 2012 at 11:08am weighing 7 lbs. 2 oz. and 20 inches long. We are proud, humbled, blessed, and already a little tired. ;)  Kate is more beautiful than we could have ever imagined!

Worry not, amazing readers.  There are many details to come.  I've been back-dating my ramblings, so read when you can, but I already have a lot to ramble from the last few days!

Love,

The Ramblers

Busy Day!

I spent most of the day preparing for our little lady.  Started with a doctor's appointment to get rid of this nasty cough/bronchial infection and also wound up getting a tetanus + pertussis shot upon the doc's recommendation.  Afterwards, I headed to the grocery store to pick up some food and came home with diapers, wipes, hangers, and bath stuff.  Then I got home, unloaded groceries, grabbed a bite to eat, and Mr. Rambler and I headed to the baby store.

If you've ever been to a baby store on Saturday, then you owe me a drink for not warning me ahead of time.  It was one crazyass place.  DH said, "I don't crave drinks, but I am now." and "They really need scotch at the end of every aisle."  Of course, he found a couple of things he thought we should register for, so we added them.  We also picked our glider/rocker and the fabric for it.  We finally bought baby's PNP w/ bassinet, some hair bows, a boppy cover, a going home outfit (so cute!), and a few other things.  Instead of going home so I could take my meds and nest, I went for a nail appointment.

Not long after I got home,  my bff since 8th grade came by and brought our travel system!  It was such a generous gift & I'm so excited about it.  Our evening ended with dinner.

My order from Carter's arrived so our baby doesn't have to go nekkid.  When we got home from dinner, I assembled our stroller, car seat, & PNP, washed my first load of baby stuff, folded it all, washed bottles, packed our diaper back, and got ready for bed.

Tomorrow I'll go through the five boxes of clothes from a friend and the two boxes of clothes from my sisters. My car has a date at the car spa, the dogs MUST be bathed, install the carseat base, go by the fire dept to have it checked, and take my dad to dinner for his bday.  I also need to write lesson plans for next week and the weeks that follow.

Still waiting to hear from J and meet our dream girl.  I'm really excited now that we're ready!

Daddy's Book

A friend of Mr. Rambler's gave him this book and told him to start reading it, so he'll be ready whenever our baby finds us.  :)  After I got home from work tonight (at 7:30 pm - ugh), DH showed it to me.  He said, "I'm sure you probably know everything in it, but it would be good for me to read some."  Boy, I must have him fooled!!

Check out the 411 to avoid the 911.

Practice Makes Perfect?

Rewind -- Wednesday, September 5, 2012

 

J went to the doctor yesterday and is doing well. We were VERY surprised to learn that she is already dialated to 4cm (10cm = delivery). So . . . baby girl will be here much sooner than later. J is schedule for an induction on the 21st if for some reason she hasn't delivered by then - which would be surprising.

Last night, J was having back pain. Being worried about being dialated so much & living so far from the hospital (about 45-60 mins from home), she went in to get checked. I drove there & met her there while Mr. Rambler waited to see if this was "it." She didn't even go to the hospital to deliver her son until she was 8cm dialated (ack!), so she appears to have a strong tolerance for pain which is another reason she went.

Baby looked great --- still very active, solid heartrate (I got to hear it!), etc. --- contractions were about every 4 to 8 minutes but sporadic. J was discharged about midnight and given instructions on when to return, so we all headed home at that point.

Anyway . . . we are now in a holding pattern but getting hospital bags ready, and gathering/scavenging/buying/preparing necessities, etc.   We will keep you posted when the real time comes!

Hard to Understand

A New Look

If you are viewing this in a reader, you need to click through and check it out!  I couldn't take looking at the old design, so I used this one from The Cutest Blog on the Block.  I did some other updating as well.

It's not perfect, but it's better!  If you notice anything weird or wonky, let me know so I can fix it.

Mark My Word

ISN'T THIS AWESOME??!!!

Whenever we get to adopt our baby, he/she will wear this asap.

You can guarantee it.

Mark my word.

Not just any baby can wear this!  :)

Available from CafePress.

MIRACULOUSLY My Own

WAIT

The Fearlessly Infertile Christa, another IF blogger in the IF world, shared this poem on her blog and I wanted to share it as well.  The title is "Wait."  (appropriate, huh?)  We are told that God's plan is always the best, but it is so difficult to follow that when your plans don't coincide with His.  Here's to hoping all of our plans collide with God's plans for us very soon.

WAIT

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

©Russell Kelfer. All rights reserved.

Let us all Wait.  Let us all stay patient, my friends.  His plan will be revealed and it must be amazing.  It has to be, right?!

Irony? I think not.

Rewind -- Sunday, September 2, 2012

I was commenting on a blog this morning and this was the "captcha" I had to enter before my post would appear.  Our daughter's first name (well, +di) and my favorite number.  Yes, God.  I hear you!  I see you!

Amazing

Rewind -- Saturday, September 1, 2012

I received an email tonight from A, the agency co-owner.  She had spoken to J (our BM) after her appointment on Friday and sent me this:  "It went great! She was excited to hear about your reaction to the news (about the sono) . . . anyway, she is very excited for you all!!!"

SHE is excited for US???  What an amazing woman has been brought into our lives!  J is making our dreams come true through her sacrifice and she is excited for us.

So amazing.  So humbling.  So excited.  So scary.

Well, Hi There!

Rewind -- Friday, August 31, 2012

J had yet another wonderful doctor's appointment today, and A sent us these photos.

J said she felt it was a girl, and she was right!  We didn't think we'd learn the gender until the baby was born.

Meet our precious DAUGHTER!

We are thrilled.  Mr. Rambler is "nervous."

36 Weeks

Rewind: Friday, August 31, 2012

Today is 36 weeks!  J is busy cooking our baby to perfection.

How your baby's growing:

Your baby is still packing on the pounds — at the rate of about an ounce a day. She now weighs almost 6 pounds (like a crenshaw melon) and is more than 18 1/2 inches long. She's shedding most of the downy covering of hair that covered her body as well as the vernix caseosa, the waxy substance that covered and protected her skin during her nine-month amniotic bath. Your baby swallows both of these substances, along with other secretions, resulting in a blackish mixture, called meconium, will form the contents of her first bowel movement.

At the end of this week, your baby will be considered full-term. (Full-term is 37 to 42 weeks; babies born before 37 weeks are pre-term and those born after 42 are post-term.) Most likely she's in a head-down position. But if she isn't, your practitioner may suggest scheduling an "external cephalic version," which is a fancy way of saying she'll try to coax your baby into a head-down position by manipulating her from the outside of your belly.

Faith vs. Fear

Still There? Still Counting?

Anyone there?  ::taps on glass::

Helllllllooooooo?  :: presses face against the glass & starts to breathe heavy to fog it up and entertain myself::

I'm seriously beginning to think that I'm just here talking to myself.  Outside of the occasional spam, comments are few & far between.  Sorry I can't share more exciting news to keep you interesting.  Believe me, I wish I could.

Well, in case you're actually still here and you are still counting, last weekend was EIGHT (8) MONTHS into our wait.  We have now reached the point that we will require an update to our homestudy since it expires at one year.  It will have to be reviewed, completed, and re-approved.  We'll see if the dogs behave again this time.  Promise to keep you posted!

35 Weeks

REWIND: Friday, August 24, 2012

NOTE:  This is NOT a photo of my bump, but it is a pic of the bump for my baby.  :)
We hope to meet our (potential) future birthmother next week. 

How your baby's growing:

Your baby doesn't have much room to maneuver now that he's over 18 inches long and tips the scales at 5 1/4 pounds (pick up a honeydew melon). Because it's so snug in your womb, he isn't likely to be doing somersaults anymore, but the number of times he kicks should remain about the same. His kidneys are fully developed now, and his liver can process some waste products. Most of his basic physical development is now complete — he'll spend the next few weeks putting on weight.

Speechless

Rewind --- Wednesday, August 22, 2012, 2:47pm

THE CALL came today.  8 months and 5 days officially waiting and we are matched.

We are going to be parents . . . in only a handful of weeks.  This is amazing.

It's Not IF Calling . . . This Time

Nope.  It wasn't IF.  Instead, it's the waiting-future-adoptive-Mommy-and-presently-crazy-lady!  Mr. Rambler and I went to South Lake Tahoe for a weekend getaway and family wedding.  After we landed at the airport, we descended down a long & steep escalator towards baggage claim.  As we were coming down the escalator I saw a stroller/infant carrier like we plan to get at the bottom. Then (here comes the delusional me!) I thought to myself, “How cool would that be if A (the co-owner/director of our agency) was standing there with OUR baby in OUR carrier???”

Told ya so . . . . . I am now the waiting-future-adoptive-Mommy-and-presently-crazy-lady.  This can only get worse the longer we wait!