THE SHACK

I just finished reading The Shack and recommend it to EVERYONE. What an AMAZING book full of hope and working through the challenges that life and grief bring. I'm not an avid reader at all, but it is a goal of mine. However, when I find a book that I like, I will read it cover to cover as quickly as I can, as I did this book.

This book is not written for Christians. It is written for everyone no matter of their religious preference or level of faith they do or do not have. Please give yourself an amazing gift in 2009 and read this book! I would lend you my copy, but I am not letting it go. When you read it - which is very soon I hope - be sure to read the foreword. It will make the book fit together like the beautiful puzzle that it is.

The past two nights of reading "The Shack" have reformed my mind, my relationships, and my outlook on life. I feel a sense of purpose, comfort, purpose, and (*gulp* dare I say it?) . . . hope . . . that I haven't felt in a long time.

Because I'm lazy, too.

I borrowed this from Monica because I'm down in the dumps, need to write something, but I don't want to get into it all right now and start whining, bitching, moaning, complaining, crying, pouting, or all of those.

50 Things You Possibly Didn't Know About Me

1. What is in the back seat of your car right now? 3 of my coats, 1 of DH's coats, plus a curtain rod and hanger holder thing I need to return to BB&B

2. What's your favorite curse word? Probably whichever one fits whatever moment I need it.

3. Name 3 people who made you smile today? I have not seen any humans today. However, I did smile when DH called me earlier. That's probably it for today.

4. What were you doing at 8 am this morning? Sleeping - my schedule is so out of whack right now.

5. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? catching up on my blog reading

6. What will you be doing 3 hours from now? hopefully getting ready to sleep

7. Have you ever been to a strip club? yes - the nekkid boy kind and nekkid girl kind

8. What is the last thing you said aloud? "Good boy, Mack!"

9. What is the best ice cream flavor? Blue Bell Strawberry

10. What was the last thing you had to drink? water

11. What are you wearing right now? school tshirt, blue pajama bottoms & pink slippers - hawt!

12. What was the last thing you ate? gummy bears

13. Have you bought any new clothing items this week? no

14. When was the last time you ran? Probably the last time someone was chasing me.

15. What's the last sporting event you watched? Yesterday's slaughter of the stupid, dumbhead Cowboys.

16. Who is the last person you emailed? Carla with "The Dailies"

17. Ever go camping? Yes, but I'm not very good at it now that I'm older and prefer the comforts of home.

18. Do you have a tan? A tan? Me? HA! I've been tan twice in my life, but I had to endure a couple of bad sunburns to get that way.

19. Do you drink your soda from a straw? Only fountain drinks.

20 What did your last IM say? It was a Facebook IM, but I don't remember it.

21. Are you someone's best friend? I hope I still am.

22. Monica wrote on hers: "Flying to Florida with Seth. Lord, help me!" but she didn't include a question. I could make up a question to go with that answer. :)

23. Where is your mom right now? Probably at work still.

24. Look to your left, what do you see? Steve sleeping

25. What color is your watch? Sterling sliver

26. What do you think of when you think of Australia? koalas, how it looks on a map

27. Would you consider plastic surgery? Yes

28. What is your birthstone? aquamarine

29. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? usually in

30. How many kids do you want? Ideally? 2-3

31. Do you have a dog? Oh yes - 3 of 'em (plus a cat!)

32. Last person you talked to on the phone? DH

33. Have you met anyone famous? Depends on what one considers famous. I've met a couple of big country music stars, but most are local celebrities.

34. Any plans today? Absolutely none & I fulfilled every none of them!

35. How many states have you lived in? 1 - just Texas. Where else would I live?!

36. Ever go to college? Yes

37. Where are you right now? on the couch in the den

38. Biggest annoyance in your life right now? infertility, MIL

39. Last song listened to? quick snippets of Christian songs that I was naming on my iTunes

40. Are you allergic to anything? anything plant that grows, anything with fur, and bananas - However I still go outside, have pets, and eat bananas.

41. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? slippers

42. Are you jealous of anyone? Not anyone specific right now, but I am jealous of certain groups of people. I consider it envious.

43. Is anyone jealous of you? That's funny. I doubt it!

44. What time is it? 8:18pm

45. Do any of your friends have children? Which friends DON'T have kids? Very few do not.

46. Do you eat healthy? No. I won't even lie and pretend that I do.

47. What do you usually do during the day? Teach 9 and 10 year olds while trying not to lose my mind!

48. Do you use the word 'hello' daily? Hello or hi.

49. How did you get your scars? Head & knee - car accident at age 17, forehead - running into a doorknob at age 2 (I've always had skill), all over - chickenpox scars from popping the blisters because I got a bad sunburn before the chickens bit me, left breast - lipoma removed in 1999, lower abdomen & belly button - laparoscopic surgery in April, and probably more I can't remember

50. How old will you be turning on your next birthday? I'll be 41 on March 5th. Gawd I'm getting old.

My Facebook Friends are Talking . . .

. . . about this photo from prom my junior year of high school. What of it? Everyone has to bring something to Show & Tell!


I'm sure my high school boyfriend (with whom I am still friends) would absolutely love that his photo is available for all the world to see. :) I'm even more sure that I would never post a picture of this caliber had my DH been standing next to me. I have to be married to the guy, ya know!!!

Even worse, I would wear that dress again ANY day (even in public!!!) if I could only have back that tiny figure . . . you know, the tiny figure hidden under that dress. haha!

A Year in Photos

My friend Misty is starting a new project, and I am going to join her! Granted, some of it will be under the ruse of wanting a new DSLR camera for my birthday. Until I hopefully get my birthday gift, I'll have to use my phone's camera and my point & shoot. Prepare for poor quality photos taken with little skill!

Project 365 has recommendations and tips on chronicling your life in daily photos. I've put some of the tips below, but you should also check out their site. I'm hoping by doing this that I can improve my mad photography skillz (which are really bad), keep a daily journal of sorts, share things with my family and friends, and have more photos to scrapbook. Gosh, if we actually get pregnant and have a baby this year, I could have some great photos to share!!

I thought of starting a new blog for my project, but I just don't have the time/energy/desire/skill to manage my two blogs + my class' blog + our website + my website for school + my school's website. See what I mean? Instead, my friend Megan turned me on to Shuttercal. It's so cool! Your photos are easy to upload and show like a calendar. Fun! It will take me a while to get used to it, but it seems easy so far.

Why don't you JOIN ME? If you do, let me know. I'll need ideas and inspiration!


Here's the info I pulled from the Project 365 website:

WHY DO IT?
Taking a photo a day is a big undertaking with big payoffs. Here are just a few reasons why you should consider doing it:

Imagine being able to look back at any day of your year and recall what you did, who you met, what you learned… (Often we find it hard to remember what we did just yesterday or even last night, let alone a whole year ago!)


Your year-long photo album will be an amazing way to document your travels and accomplishments, your haircuts and relationships. Time moves surprisingly fast.

Taking a photo a day will make you a better photographer. Using your camera every day will help you learn its limits. You will get better at composing your shots, you’ll start to care about lighting, and you’ll become more creative with your photography when you’re forced to come up with something new every single day.

TIPS ON HOW TO DO IT

6 Tips on How to Do It....

1. Bring Your Camera Everywhere
Yes, everywhere. Get in the habit. Grocery stores, restaurants, parties, work, and school. Going to a movie theatre? Snap a pic of the flick with your phone–there are photo-ops everywhere. If you have one of those tiny tiny cameras, you have no excuse not to have it in your pocket all the time. And if you don’t? Camera phones are a great substitute.


2. Make Posting Easy
You can install blog software like Movable Type or Wordpress on your own site and create an entry for each photo, but for true ease of use, try a photo sharing site. Flickr will let you post a week’s worth of photos in 2 minutes flat, and fotolog and Photoblog are geared toward a photo-a-day workflow. Making it fast and easy means you’re much more likely to do it.

3. Vary Your Themes
Try to capture the day’s events in a single photo. Perform photographic experiments. Take a photo of someone new you meet, something you ate for the first time, or something you just learned how to do. Take a photo of something that made you smile. And don’t forget to take a photo of yourself at least once a month so you can remember how you’ve changed, too.

4. Tell a Story
Use your blog entry, or your photo description, to explain what’s going on in each day’s photograph. How good did that dinner taste? What made you want to take a photo of that stranger? It’ll help you remember down the road, and it gives friends following along a better appreciation of why you took the photo you did. You don’t need to write a lot, just enough to add some color.

5. Don’t Stop, No Matter What
This is perhaps the most important tip of all. You will get tired of taking a photo every single day. Some days, you will consider giving up. Don’t. The end result is worth the effort. Remind yourself why you wanted to do it in first place.

There will be times you’ll think there’s nothing interesting left to take a photo of, and times you’ll think you didn’t do anything exciting enough to take a photo of. There’s always a great photo to be made.

Get out of the house and take a walk. Or stay inside and look around. Take a photo of something important to you. Take a photo of the inside of your house so you can see how your taste has changed over the years. Take a photo of anything, just don’t stop.

N.b. It helps if you’ve told your friends about the project and asked them to follow along. Their encouragement will keep you going!

6. Post early, post often
Plan on going through and posting your photos at least once a week so you don’t get backlogged and feel overwhelmed. Ideally, post every day or two. Again, spend the time up front to make sure it’s quick and easy to post. It’ll make all the difference.

Merry Christmas

I wanted to wish you all of the blessings that Christmas provides us. Our Lord brought to us His son, so that He may provide us all the miraculous gift of eternal life. While I know the holidays can often be difficult for many of us, know that His promise is always with you.

If you are celebrating Chanukah, I wish you blessings as you join with family each night to celebrate. Whatever your belief system, I hope that you are able to take this time of year to spend with loved ones, to relax and reflect, and plan for the renewal of a new year.

Thanks to all of you who read this blog from around the world. I know you are out there, and I feel your warmth and presence. Your presence and comments make the lonely days feel a little lighter, and the crazy, confusing times feel a little clearer. Thank you.

What Will They Miss?

For this week's Show & Tell, I have to share a photo and some feelings it surfaced in me.

Recently, I came across this photo of all of the cousins (but the three youngest) on my Dad's side of the family. I see it often since I have it on the hard drive of my computer. Seeing this picture reminds me of all of the memories I have with my cousins.

Memories on Grandma & Grandpa's farm in Oklahoma. Playing hide & seek in the wheat fields. Running around the barn and chasing the cows. Country breakfasts of biscuits, sausage, and gravy. Playing free as children, running throughout that safe, small town. Riding the tractors. Going to the soda fountain shop "in town". Visiting Grandpa in the hospital. Visiting the family in California. Family golf tournaments. Family weddings. Shoot, we even had a good time gathering for family funerals. There are so many more memories than just those.

However, seeing the photo this time it made me think of something completely different than usual. I thought of our (hopefully) future children. What will they miss? Will they be able to play with their cousins? My sisters' children range in age from 4 to 21 years old. They will probably be my kids' babysitters. There will be too much of an age difference to be "playmates" like we all were (and still are!). My brother's children are 1 1/2 and 5 1/2, so maybe they'll be close. DH's cousin's kids range in age from 2 - 8, so maybe they can play some.

I just hope that going through what we have so far to create our own family will offer our children the opportunity to have closeness within their extended family. Knowing what blessings I've found in my extended family, it would truly be sad if they did not. Yes, they would be missing out on a great part of what family means to me.

As My Uterus Turns

After calling Dr. G&D's office multiple times in two days, I called him on his personal cell phone last night. He was going to be on my time for a change. I figured if i couldn't get an answer in a timely manner, that I would hunt it down (i.e., hunt him down). Thanks to my RE-chasing, the verdict from my HSG, MRI (and other hooha related fun) is in.

The HSG and MRI showed no septum, but it did show that I am sporting a bicornuate uterus.

The good news? No surgery needed. YEA! I'll get to enjoy the final days of 2008 without any more hooha parties!

The not so good news? A bicornuate uterus increases the chance of miscarriage (uh, ya think?) and early delivery/PTL due to a shortened cervical length.

Where do we go from here? Dr. G&D wants DH to go in for an SA since he hasn't had one before. (Might as well let DH see just a tiny glimpse of what I've been through the past 21 months.) Then we'll go in together, review the results, make a plan which will include injectibles (pray for donated meds), and go for it.

DH and I are both on Christmas vacation through the 5th, so we hope to spend this time relaxing, enjoying, and just hanging out. I hope all of you can find some time do the same as well!

Wonderful Quote

I saw this quote on Angie Smith's blog, and I had to share it. Perspective is everything.

"There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle."

Funnies from Dr. Terrific

Dr. T is a doctor who possesses a great sense of humor while also being a thorough, knowledgeable, and caring professional. One of his funniest quotes ever was, "It's great that you live less than a 1/2 mile from me. That will be convenient when you get pregnant. You'll be able to come down the street, & we can check your cervix in the garage!" Me: "There will be NO checking my cervix in the garage."

Here are some other funny quotes from Dr. T during my visit yesterday:

"I'll let you get changed. I used to stay in here while women disrobed, but someone once told me that it probably wasn't a good idea."

"We've made some changes around here. I had to let two of my girls go because they had no personality."

"One of those girls (that he let go) could probably work for Dr. G&D. Sounds like she'd fit right in!"

"What did we do to you in April?" (I told him about April, using my typical smartass tone.) "Well, good. I like a patient who knows what's going on."

"Well, I wouldn't want to give you the wrong information or make you mad." (I said, "Is that because I know where you live?") His reply, "Well, DUH!"

"Would you like to see pictures of my kids? That's probably not the best question to ask a habitual arborter, huh?" One must obviously have a good rapport with your doc for him to get away with saying something like that. I do, and I laughed while telling him I'm used to that question. His kids are all in college, by the way.

"When I talk with Dr. G&D, I'll make sure to talk to him about the Messiah." Dr. T is Christian & Dr. G&D is Jewish. I hope he mentions the Messiah after they discuss my uterus.

"I look forward to hearing about your sore breasts and nausea soon, so I can give you needles of Lovenox." SO DO I!!!

Like Coming Home

My annual "well woman exam" (I hate that term) was today with Dr. T, aka Dr. Terrific my OB/gyn. Seeing Dr. T felt like a breath of fresh air. His upbeat attitude, charm, sense of humor, and overall personality just make me love him. I'll share some of the fun we shared during my appointment at a later date. Yes, I used the word fun in the same paragraph as I mentioned my OB/gyn and a pap smear. You gotta know Dr. Terrific, I suppose.

When I updated him on everything from Dr. Gloom & Doom (aka, Dr. G&D my RE), Dr. T was very surprised to hear of the possibility of a bicornuate or septate uterus. He also didn't feel as if my left tube was closed. Dr. T pulled out the party pics from my surgery in April, and things just didn't seem to match up. Even I could tell. Granted, that was eight months ago, but the findings & details from April to December seemed very contradictory.

Past party pics showed no uterine defects, no closed tube, etc. Dr. T said tubes can often appear closed through an HSG due to spasms of the fallopian tube. Having experienced the massive cramping that occurs during the HSG, I can totally see (feel!) how that could happen.

I am going to have Dr. G&D contact Dr. T so the two of them can compare parties in my hooha discuss the various findings of my HSG, MRI, and both surgeries. Yes, I've had other doctors party in my hooha besides them, but they've always brought cake & gifts spent the most time all "up in dair." If it is deemed by BOTH doctors that another surgery is required, my request will be that they operate together. As I told my mom, "It's my body and what I say goes." Typically a negative nelly who is also a nurse, I was a bit taken aback when Mom agreed with my position.

So . . . after a weekend-long massive pity party for one, love and patience from DH, lots of support from strangers blog friends, IRL friends, and family, and an entertaining (as always) visit with Dr. T . . . I feel a little more positive. I'm working my way back into a mindset of the possibility that we might actually be able to have a baby. At least I'm going to give it a helluva try. God wouldn't punish me like that, would he? Oh, I hope not.

I Can Feel It

But I only feel it slipping away.
You know what it is.
You might have it.
You might not.
You might have lost it.
You might have found it again.
I've had it for a while.
A long while, in fact.
But now I feel it slipping away.
And it hurts.
I've held tight to it for so long.
Even when it's been ripped from me.
Ripped from me time and time again.
I've always found more to hold.
I've always fought hard to keep just a little of it.
But now . . .
I'm having a hard time finding it.
I just don't feel it right now like I have before.
Even in the dark times.
My grip has weakened.
It's slipping away.
So far away that I don't know if I can find it again.

It's that thing called hope.
It's slipping away quickly.
And I don't know if I can get it back.

HSG: No news is good news, but . . .

. . . not good news is simply not good news. It's not BAD news, just not good.

Disclaimer: If your eyes, ears, heart, mind, or whatever is highly sensitive or offended by cursing . . . sorry. I'm not happy and I'm tired of filtering when I write. I can just hope that you and God forgive me. Oh, and this is probably going to be long and rambly.

I just got back from my HSG. About the HSG - not too bad. Cramping? Oh hell yeah. You know exactly when that dye goes in. Geez. Dr. Gloom & Doom, who actually showed a some personality today, gathered 'round the video screen pointing and chatting about my ute with the radiologist. I hear hhmmmm, blahblahblah, etc. At that point, I'm trying not to cry. Either way, it can't be stellar news. Plus, I'm still cramping. There was no glittering of what should be my diamond-encrusted uterus. None at all. Piece of crap ute. I've spent all this damn money and it's still a piece of shit.

They snap a few pics and Dr. G&D comes over to me. He tells me that my left tube is completely closed. When the fuck did that happen? It was just fine in April when my OB/gyn, Dr. Terrific, did my lap surgery which included chromotubation. Everything was wide open & in working order. Well shit. Yeah I know you can get pg with one tube, but really, isn't two better? God gave me two, so I should be able to use them.

I'm thinking, okay - this is survivable. Take that one tube and run with it. Then Dr. G&D opens his mouth again, telling me the shots taken show something abnormal. He believes my uterus is either septate or bicornuate. He's leaning more towards the latter of the two. Delightful! I have a dead tube and a fucked up uterus. And why the hell has nobody ever figured that out? I've had multiple OB/gyns partying in my hooha and nobody figured out anything? What else???

An MRI - that's what else! We tried to schedule it for today, but they were booked. Then I thought, "What the hell, what about a mammogram while I'm here?" They were booked as well. Maybe I should've scheduled some kind of plastic surgery for the afternoon to make me feel better instead.

I held it together until I got into my car and headed home. That's when I lost it. I've been so good at keeping it all together lately and needed the release. I'm frustrated as hell. This is not fair. I don't deserve this. DH doesn't deserve this. What am I supposed to be learning from all of this? Why does this have to be so difficult? I just want a baby. You know - a baby - just like all crackwhores, teenagers, prostitutes, crazyass, and loser women have all the time.

The MRI is tomorrow. We'll get more definitive answers then. From there, almost definitely resection surgery. That needs to happen in the next two weeks. Go, Speed Racer. Drive your fucking ass to the finish line and give me your baby. I digress . . . They offered me Xanax to take prior to the MRI tomorrow, and I declined. Since DH wants to go with me (He said, "You've been through enough already."), I'm calling them and telling them to get the drugs ready. And keep 'em coming. Between Xanax, DH, my iPod, and Josh Groban up high, I should be fine. I've had an MRI before and I'm not claustrophobic, but I don't want to suddenly become that way tomorrow. Plus, I've never had Xanax and it might be good for me to try it out. :)

Jesus, I'm so fucking tired of having all of my shit be wrong and need fixing. I swear to God right now that I'll officially snap if anyone tells me that "Gosh, at least you can get it fixed," or "Thankfully it'll be okay," or "At least you got answers, " or "You should be happy you know why you m/c," or "Don't worry, I'm sure things will be fine," or any of the other shit-you-shouldn't-dare-say-or-are-supposed-to-say-to-RPL-and-IF-women.

I am in love with my amazing husband, and I just want to have a baby with him. That's all. I just don't know how much more we're going to have to endure before that happens. I just don't more how much I can take physically, emotionally, and financially.

For now, I shall drink lots of wine. The next procedure I require will be to resuscitate my liver. Unless that Xanax is nice . . . then there's no telling what might happen.

DH - Funny or Not?

As I'm leaving for work this morning, I kiss my wonderful husband tell him goodbye. Walking down the hall, I hear from behind me, "Good luck getting your hooha dyed!"

So my question . . . DH - Funny or Not? I say funny, but he shouldn't quit his day job! :)

Note: His statement tempted me to dye some other things down there just to confused him. I'm simply not up to that though.

Getting Plans In Motion!

Remember Plan #5,457,356,068 - or something like that? Well, tomorrow that plan will begin rolling!

My HSG is tomorrow at 2pm CST. Hopefully there will be NO uterine septum. If there is, then I'll have surgery sometime in the next two weeks (before the year is over). We'll then discuss option for this cycle. As previously mentioned, Dr. Gloom & Doom (RE) wants me to begin injection therapy using Follistim.

Please also pray that donated Follistim can be found, as these two poor teachers can't afford over $1000 on a wing & a prayer. Even if it wasn't on a wing & a prayer, we just don't have that kind of money right now. I'm not at all worried about the procedure itself, but I ask for your prayers and good thoughts that everything goes well.

My recovery should be easy since DH's work Xmas party is tomorrow night - and there will be wine. :)

Ramblings Heard Around the World

Today Fertile Ramblings has welcome visitors from at least 10 countries! I'd love to "meet" all of you. Think of the great happy hours & dinner conversations we could have! No need to lurk . . . leave a comment and say hello!

Supporting Our Local Hospitals

My family has been working extra-hard to make sure that, with this flailing economy, our local hospitals remain up and running. Our giving has exceeded $400,000 just this year! Aren't we so helpful??!!!

Won't you continue the tradition my family has begun by also supporting your local hospital? How have we done it, you ask? Well (gosh), here's how:

* My IF - including 2 HSCs, massive bloodwork, SHG, u/s, and more! (just read this blog)

* My Mom - bypass surgery, including an atrial valve repair, over 7 days in ICU, another week in IMC, and all of the testing before, during, & after her actual procedure.

* My Niece - almost losing her hand in an accident (Whitney vs. the window), ambulance service, emergency surgery, hospitalization, rehabilitation

* My Grandmother - mutiple hospitalizations, cancer treatment including the cost of hospice, morphine & other fine drugs

* My Stepdad - presently in the ICU with heart and kidney failure. Day 4 of ??? days completed today.

* Even My Dog - surgery to remove a large tumor from his chest

However, there are easier & less painful ways to support your local hospitals. I highly recommend that you
$$ JUST SEND CASH $$.

Surviving

Friday, December 5th was the 2nd year I've had to celebrate the EDD of my first loss. Thankfully, I've been through two other EDDs so far and I knew what to do. It just feels weird and makes me sad that we should have a 1 year old in the house, and we aren't even pregnant now. :(

My HSG is Friday. We'll see what happens from here. I'm not holding my breath.

Happy Baby, Antigone!

Welcome!!! Today is Antigone Lost's Virtual Baby Shower!

This is one of the best virtual showers to which I have ever been invited. (Okay, it's really my first.) My dear blogernet friend, Antigone, has been through her share of heartache in the past almost two years. Antigone is a true survivor as is her soon-to-be-born baby boy Perseus. Now it is finally a time for celebration!

Please, get comfortable and have some cake. I've never made a virtual baby shower cake before, so I hope this will do. In fact I tried to make Perseus a Dallas Cowboys cake, but my mad cake-makin' skillz left a little to be desired.



Now it's time for PRESENTS!!!! I couldn't get all of them in the shot, but there are plenty! Can someone grab a trash bag for all this paper? And who is writing down the list of gifts? I can, but I usually forget to record some due to the ooohing and aaahing I do.

Here's mine. Open it - open it!

I know it's not much, but when I buy gifts, I buy my favorites. These wonderful bathtime goodies will help Perseus get clean and relaxed before bedtime. Plus he will smell sssooooo good. We all know there's nothing better than sweet-smelling baby! (Everyone with me - ssnnnniiiiiiiiifffffffffffffffff. Aaaahhh!) They should be arriving on your doorstep any day now.

Oh there's something else. It's for your next trip to Dallas!

And of course, I brought some virtual gifts for Sothis. He'll need some new toys so Perseus doesn't have to share. (These are actually from my Mackey, Pippin & Steve.)

Antigone my friend, I wish you all of the love, joy, and happiness that your baby boy can possibly bring. He will be blessed by a mother full of strength, intelligence, depth, and heart. You probably think of yourself as the blessed one, but I think Perseus will be the one who is blessed. Just as we have all been blessed by you.

What a wonderful time I've had at my first virtual baby shower. Everything has been so wonderful! Thank you to Yummy Sushi Pajamas and Missing One for inviting me. I hope that we can all gather again for another baby shower very soon.

When I Said She's ALMOST Here

I guess I meant it.

After a hydrocodone night after my last post, I expected AF to hit with a vengeance the next morning. Well, that hasn't happened. I am spotting, but no BRB yet. I can't schedule my HSG until then. Such a pain. Such a BIG HUGE pain. Frustration abound.

On another note, Friday will be an fun day here on Fertile Ramblings, so check back then!

She's almost baaaaccckkkkkkk

AF that is. According to the qtip test I did tonight (after piac just in case I needed to poas), she'll be here tomorrow or so. Today is CD31, so she's late to her own party. My skin has actually cleared up a bit, and I don't know why. (My skin is a freaking hormonal disaster as it is.) I also needed chocolate earlier - a definite sign. How else do I know that nasty red-headed slut is showing up soon?

CRAMPS.
Death-style cramps.
I'm talking holyhell cramps, people.

There has to be someone or something inside of me that is trying to split my pelvis in half, twist my uterus, tubes & ovaries in some kind of a roller-coasterish disaster, and just plain kill me. They're the kind of cramps that you have in the beginning of a miscarriage. Where are my pain pills, by the way?

So as soon as her ugly head rears in the next 24-48 hours, I'll call Dr. G&D to schedule my HSG. Won't that be fun?

Then I'll likely start injectibles (if I can get my hands on some donated Follistim) with the potential to become a hormonal, freaking disaster.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas . . .